


Little Bird

by Snape_420



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Violence, Branding, Domestic Violence, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Forced Marriage, Forced Relationship, Gun Violence, Psychological Torture, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Sexual Coercion, Sexual Violence, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 01:50:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 52
Words: 81,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9360257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snape_420/pseuds/Snape_420
Summary: His hands had learned every inch of her body, it seemed, as if he played her to his whim. Her legs thrashed in the twisted sheets as she struggled against him and away from him at the same time. It was too much but she couldn’t get away from him and somehow, she didn’t want to. He seemed to be everywhere. She wrenched his hair and tried to press her legs closed but his beard slid against her inner thigh, inviting sharp teeth to punish her. His fingers continued to play where his mouth had abandoned her and she forced the pillow down harder against her face as she moaned in response."Breathe, little bird." The sound of his chuckle, deep and rumbling, hitched in the back of his throat like a southern twang, breaking through his labored breathing. She hated that sound... it always reminded her of that horrible night drenched in blood and fluorescent glow. That sound was as signature to Negan as his brilliant grin or terrifying bat.~*~Ava only longs to go back to the trees where she learned early on to avoid both the living and the dead. But she hasn't been the same since the group saved her, since Daryl made her whole. She won't leave him to the Saviors' cruelty and Negan has no intention of letting her go.





	1. An Introduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and his group are introduced to Negan and his Saviors.

Disclaimer: No profit shall ever be made from this story or any of the characters. The Walking Dead retains the rights to these characters.

Chapter One: An Introduction

The wet thudding sound pounded its way up to her hidden perch like a living thing, throbbing over her skin, into her ears, through her brain. She clung to the branch that held her and tried to catch her hitching breath, to stop the vomit from rising in her throat to choke her. The pounding continued and in its wake a pool of red darkened the fluorescent dirt. Spotlights shone on the mess of a man she'd just learned to know and now never truly would know. The sobs of those still kneeling filtered through the wet thuds that buzzed in her ears.

The hulk of a man stopped and with his halt the sound ceased. She could make nothing out of his appearance as he stood silhouetted in the brilliant lights. All she knew for sure was that he was big. He twirled the bat he'd been swinging and she saw specks of wetness sparkle and fly toward Rick's face which was bent right in front of him. It seemed as though he did not flinch but she could not see his face. She couldn't see anyone except for some of the lingering armed men who'd arrived with the bat wielder. Neither could she make out a word that was said as the man began to obviously taunt and sneer Rick.

A noise right below her, snapping wood, dry and dead, jerked her head down. One of the hired guns was wandering, but stopped short. He leaned against the tree next to her and lit a cigarette, seemingly bored. She looked back to the lit scene of terror and saw the giant shadow lurking among the kneeling victims... potential victims. He stopped again, this time in front of a woman. A name fluttered through her thoughts... Rosita...

She watched Rosita's back tense and flutter as he spoke and gestured toward the pile of gore he'd created, which had once been a man. He shoved that horrible dripping bat in her face over and over again... and then it happened. So fast and sudden, a shout rose like a battle cry and she recognized it as Daryl's even as he sprung to life. It was as if he were moving in slow motion, his voice ringing around her like slow-moving thunder. In reality she knew he moved quick as a snake, his fist striking out to knock the hulking terror back on his feet. As he jerked to the side she rose, moving through the time-warped water of her fevered world.

Her legs pumped full and hard as she leaped to a nearby branch and swung deftly to the next tree, clambering through it like a monkey with sure feet and hands before moving onto the next. It took her twenty seconds to reach the bright, blood-drenched circle of light. Daryl was on the ground beneath three armed men while the towering man gestured angrily with his bat and began shouting. She landed at the edge of the clearing, skidding with a roll that caused the men around her to startle. She gave a shout of her own as she rushed toward Daryl. She and the man were yelling the same thing,

"NO!"

His anger faltered slightly in shock and she crumpled on top of Daryl, struggling to reach him amid a flurry of grasping limbs that pulled her back.

"Please, don't hurt him! Please, no!" She was crying but oblivious. She'd found Daryl's hand but it was torn from her. His eyes begged her to run but it was too late. 

"What the fuck is this?"

One of the men who'd been struggling with Daryl pulled her around toward the big man with the bat and his face was a storm of fury.

"Who the fuck are you and where the fuck did you come from?"

His dark eyes sparked and narrowed as he looked her over. She felt crude hands pull away her packs and weapons, fingers swept up between her thighs to unlatch a knife and lingered.

"I-I'm Ava and I came f-from Alexandria." Her voice was shaking just as she was.

He took a few steps toward her and the man who'd been searching her fell back. Her breath caught in her throat as his glare filled with a predatory danger. He was so close she could make out the individual hairs of his stubbly grey/black beard.

"I mean, where were you? My people swept these woods. Where the FUCK did you come from?"

"I'm good at hiding," her small voice only awakened more fire in his eyes.

"I was in the trees," she continued.

His mouth twitched and his glare swept up into the canopy.

"So, we've got a little bird?" He mused.

He moved away from her, twirling his horrible, bloody, barbed bat...moving toward Daryl.

"This shit right here, though. I told you. This shit won't stand!" His booming voice broke over her and she watched his hand tighten on the handle of his weapon.

"No please don't!" She was instantly yanked back by her hair and forced to her knees.

"Now I know we weren't properly introduced because you chose to be so fashionably late, little bird. But you are going to have to shut the FUCK up! I don't want to hear your song right now. If you break rank, like this fuck," the bat pointed toward Daryl who was being straddled by a man with his crossbow, "then you're going to end up like this fuck," the bat swung over to the mess that had once been Abraham.

She sobbed as the fingers that were twisted in her hair tore loose and heard footsteps cross to stop in front of her. 

"Such gorgeous feathers you have," she felt fingers in her hair again, gentle, stroking, reaching to sweep along her cheek and jawline to prompt her face up toward his.

"It would be such a waste. SO. Shut the fuck up for me, will ya? I'm not going to kill your prince charming redneck." His eyes were amused now, light, and his smile was blinding. His face had completely changed.

"You don't want me to end him, Negan?" The man on top of Daryl had a face twisted with burns that twisted all the more as he stared down.

Negan pinched her cheek slightly and winked at her before turning back to Daryl.

"Oh, no... Dwight. You don't kill that," he said, gesturing to Daryl's savage face.

"Not until you try it. Get him back in line. That isn't how this works anyway."

Daryl struggled slightly but slumped next to Rosita again as Negan moved down the line of kneeling, terrified people.

"I did tell you that shit wouldn't slide, though. You see, I don't know who you sorry fucks think I am but I'm going to have to make things clear for you. I told you that the first one was free but you need to understand who I am. I'm a man of my word... no exceptions. So. Here we go."

His feet braced in the dirt as he swung with both hands, his barbed-wire bat swinging down in a powerful motion to sink into Glenn's skull. It happened too fast for Ava to process. She watched the blood fly along with horrid chunks, saw Glenn's eye protrude unnaturally as the solid bone of his forehead crumpled to bits. Her stomach heaved beneath her dry throat and she closed her eyes.

"M-Mawggiee..." Glenn's voice was wet and slow. A sob tore loose behind her.

"Wow! Look at him. Are you still there? It's like you're trying to talk but I can't be sure," Negan's voice was amused.

"I know you just took a Hell of a hit, got your head bashed in...Look at your eye! That shit is gross!"

"M-Maggie...I'll f-find youuu," Glenn managed.

Ava opened her eyes but they were filled with tears that shifted the spotlight into prisms.

"Awe, well... This must be really hard for you guys. I'm sorry," Negan paused, "Oh... Well, let's get on with it then."

She squeezed her eyes shut again and let the sobs take her as the sound of his bat breaking bone and ripping flesh filled the air again. Before long it was just a dull, wet sound thumping in the mud but it continued on for a long time. Negan's breath was heaving and it broke into a low chuckle. Ava opened her eyes to see him silhouetted, holding his dripping bat before another new pile of gore... a pile that had just been Glenn... Sweet Glenn.

"Lucille is thirsty tonight! She's a real vampire bat," Negan laughed at his own joke.

"What... Was the joke that bad?" Negan marched in front of Rick, leering down at him again.

She watched Rick glare up at Negan and clenched her teeth as she heard him growl, "I'm gonna kill you." Negan prompted him to repeat and he did...

"Not today, not tomorrow... But I'm gonna kill you." She felt the tension build. Then suddenly Negan grabbed Rick and began to drag him roughly toward the RV.

"SIMON! Nobody does anything stupid or you start turning them inside out... at least what's left of them." He opened the door and shoved Rick through it, and before long the vehicle was lumbering away.

Ava looked back at Daryl, who was staring at her with a look of painful desperation. She settled back onto her haunches as the minutes began to tick by. It wasn't long before one of the men came to linger behind her.

"Damn, girl... I would fuck you so hard your pussy would look like these two sorry fucks." He was close enough she could smell his hot breath which reeked of eggs, cigarettes and alcohol.

She glanced back at him and caught Daryl's eye again, shaking her head. The man with the egg-breath was big and bald and obviously dirty.

"You'd like it, though. You'd beg for more," he continued, moving even closer.

She saw Rosita clench her fists and heard Eugene whimper. She kept her mouth shut tight but he was pushing for a reaction. She watched the man from the corner of her eyes, saw him clench his jaw. He moved up to yank her hair and she realized he was the one who'd done it before.

"You better not catch yourself alone with me, birdie," his other hand crept up to grip her right breast painfully.

She heard Daryl growl, but footsteps drowned him out and she was yanked free of the man's grasp.

"Don't touch the goods unless Negan fucking tells you to." She looked up to see a tall man with a thick moustache.

A wave of relief washed over her and egg-breath sulked away. Still, the moustache man stayed near her as the minutes ticked to hours and the RV finally came back. The door flew open after several more moments and Rick was flung to the dirt, then dragged forward.

"I know what we can do to get rid of that look," Negan said, as though continuing a conversation.

Rick was shoved to the ground in the middle of the group.

"That look, right fucking there... Like I took a shit in your goddamn scrambled eggs. But I'm gonna give you a chance. We're going to play a little game... If you do exactly as I fucking say then I won't have to kill all of these sorry fucks. I won't have to go back to your camp and kill the sorry fucks there. And when everyone is dead... THEN I will kill you. But not if you can do what I say. So. Let's get some guns on them," Ava closed her eyes as hard metal pressed against her head. Her ears began to ring.

"Make sure you get the muzzles right behind their noses so if you have to fire, it'll be a big mess," her pounding heart commingled with the ringing.

"Hey, little man... Carl. C'mere... Come. Here." His voice began to buzz and morph within her ringing ears as she watched Carl come forward, haltingly. Her stomach heaved and she tried to breathe.

She watched Negan strap a belt around Carl's arm and then force him down to lay on his stomach. She sobbed, they were all crying. Rick was crying. Negan was asking for something; he was talking but her ears were not able to discern words. She saw the man with the moustache pass him a marker and watched him trace a line on Carl's arm below the belt. Then he spoke to Rick, incomprehensible to her as she could only hear her own sobs. Then, all of the sudden, Negan was yelling and Rick was pleading, then reaching up with an axe, ready to slice down through Carl's young flesh...

"STOP."

Finally Negan's voice cut through her terror to reach her ears.

"You see? That look, right there. That's the look I was going for. THAT'S the look I'm gonna want to see when I make my pick up. We're in a new era. You follow the rules, you get to live. And you get to live because you work for me now. You can give them their guns, their gonna need them to find me some good shit. I'll be by in a week for the first pickup."

Rick was slumped next to Carl. Negan was smiling. He gave a signal and his men began to break rank and pack up their weapons.

"He goes with us," Negan said as he started toward Daryl, gesturing at the man named Dwight.

He stopped suddenly and pivoted toward her, his smile shone again.

"And her...I want this sneaky little bird to ride with me so we can talk about her climbing skills."


	2. A Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava and Negan take a ride, arriving at the Compound where she realizes Negan has a much tighter hold on the surrounding area then originally thought.

Chapter Two: A Prologue

She leaned against the door, the vibrations of the car lulling her as the trees sweeping past hypnotized her exhausted mind. They called to her. She wanted so badly to seep out of the car, onto the cool grass... To flee to the branches, the soft leaves, the tickling needles...

"Sorry about the theatrics back there but you've got to understand... This world," Negan's voice pulled her back into the car. She glanced at him and his stare led her to a group of shambling walkers.

"This world is different. It's an eye for an eye now, and honestly," he looked back at her and the intensity of his gaze was like a physical blow.

"You and your friends, your leader, Rick... You all got off fucking easy. You fuckers killed a FUCK ton of my men!"

He was yelling again and she squeezed tighter against the door. She remembered the sentry she'd killed at the outpost. She'd spotted him before the others and he was going to kill Carol. She also knew that she was lucky to have only killed one. There had been so many others.

"Oh, little bird, don't be scared. I don't really want to hurt you. Look at you! You are fucking fairy tale beautiful. You know, with a nice dress, some make-up. You'd be a force!"

She peered at him but remained balled against the door. He was smiling; how could anyone have teeth so perfect? He winked at her and she quickly glanced away.

"So, you're with Daryl, eh? You two married or what?"

She tried to squeeze tighter against herself.

"Look, you're going to need to talk to me, darlin'. We're going to have problems if you don't cooperate. I'm still a bit peeved at Daryl for his little outburst."

"Please," her voice came forward automatically, desperate.

"Answer the question."

"We're not married... just please..." she tried to control her rapid, terrified breathing. She swallowed hard. "I don't know. I care about him. Just please don't hurt him."

"Hush now, no crying," he reached out to her and she tried to pull further away but the door was solid against her.

"C'mon, little bird. You're going to need to warm up to me a bit," he rubbed the back of his fingers against her thigh.

She felt the anger rise, sharp and coiled, and she lashed out, pushing his hand away.

"You just beat two of my friends to death with a bat," she glanced at the weapon he called Lucille, who sat between them, still covered in gore, "then you called it... theatrics-" A sob tore her voice away.

A thick silence settled in the car and she struggled to control her quiet tears.

"Alright, fair enough," he switched hands on the steering wheel so that his arm stretched like a solid boundary between them.

"Let's talk about something else. Your climbing skills," he rose his eyebrows as he glanced at her.

Ava sighed and wiped her eyes.

"I grew up in the woods. My father was a survivalist type, I guess. I've always loved climbing trees, as long as I can remember. I've always enjoyed nature. My folks fought a lot. When they did, I took to the trees," her words came tumbling out, as if loosened by the void of her exhaustion, rushing to fill the emptiness. "We lasted a bit longer than most others, when the world fell, though. We had a well, we were secluded. My mother and I knew how to forage and my father and I were decent hunters. Plus my dad had supplies stocked. We all knew how to survive off the woods but," she stopped, breathed steadily, "then a walker got my dad. My mother called them demons. My father turned into one. I knew they weren't...supernatural. It was like a sickness."

Negan was quiet, staring at the road.

"Mother couldn't understand. She wouldn't stay away from him... he got her... he... ate her," her voice faltered and she struggled to breathe.

"I took to the trees. With my father's rifle, my handgun, my sling, an ice pick and a pack of food and water. I found I was safer in the trees so I tried to stay in them as often as possible. I foraged, I scavenged, I hunted. I tried to avoid people and lepers; that's what I called the walkers before Atlanta."

"You're from Atlanta?" Negan asked, and his voice almost surprised her.

"No, I told you I grew up in the woods. My family had a bunch of land near Blairsville. When all of this happened, it just seemed so much like a sickness, a disease. I thought the best thing was to make it to Atlanta, maybe the CDC in Emory. I thought maybe the Army was there. It was such a long way... It took me about six months to get near, but I can't be sure. Time is different now. I never saw the CDC. I got picked up near Stone Mountain by some police officers who took me to Grady Hospital in Atlanta. I was stuck there for a while, a really long time. Then Daryl and Rick came and set me free. They actually took me with them. I went to Alexandria with him... with them. I learned to love people again. Then you came along. Now we're here. It was just a few months ago that I joined them, maybe four."

Negan remained silent. She turned further toward the trees. 

"They set you free?"

"I don't like to talk about the hospital."

"So... you were in the wrong place at the wrong time last night. Still, you could have remained hidden. You must really care for Daryl. Is it just a crush or do your climbing skills expand beyond the trees?"

His nonchalance shocked her and she bit down against any reply, glaring as he waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Alright, we're back anyway." She spotted the huge compound with the towering smokestacks. It was crawling with guns and lined with barbed wire and fences, chunks of sharpened wood, cement, as well as broken down cars. She saw walkers among spiked heads and dismembered bodies. Before her unease crept too far at the sight, though, they were going through a heavily guarded gate.

Negan pulled the car around a large driveway and stopped in front of some huge double doors. He grabbed his bat and exited before coming around to offer her his hand after opening her door. She exited without taking his hand but he smiled nonetheless. The accompanying vehicles pulled around as she closed her door and she watched Daryl being dragged from the back of a van. He fought against them but she knew his shoulder was wrecked and wished he'd stop. A sharp elbow from Dwight granted her wish and she screamed as Daryl sank into a heap. Two men dragged him through the double doors.

Negan moved to follow through but stopped when she didn't come. He turned back to her as his people unloaded around them.

"Why did you bring us here? What are you going to do?" Ava asked.

"Well," Negan hitched his step in a playful way as he started closer to her, "You're both here for different reasons. Daryl is here to be broken. You're here to be fixed."

She shook her head as her face contorted involuntarily with disgust.

"Oh, come on now, Daryl is lucky to be alive. The only reason he is alive is because I think he'd make an excellent gun. If he won't agree to that... Well, there are other positions he could fill," at this Negan glanced toward the spitted heads and Ava felt her breath choke as her eyes were drawn there too.

"But you, little bird," he was right up on her now, pulling her gaze back and up. She moved to step back but his hands sliding up her shoulders held her still. "You can rest here. No more climbing, no more flying. I can keep you safe."

"That's what Daryl and Rick said," her eyes were glaring and he flashed his smile and pulled away. 

"Well, I do want you to at least have a look around, little bird. After all, Daryl is inside."

She followed him through the doors, blinking as her eyes adjusted to the dim light. They were in a gigantic factory house which had been converted into a kind of mess hall. It was circled by metal stairs and cat walks and she saw they led from a raised platform on which they currently stood. Negan walked to the end of the platform and people rushed to kneel in his wake, every single one. She watched them, baffled, as she stood back.

"The Saviors have commandeered a new settlement and put those who attack us In. Their. Place!" Cries of approval rose from the crowd. Ava guessed there were nearly fifty people just in that room. "Soon they will be folded into our community. Their goods will benefit ALL!" He grinned back at her, then put his masses at ease.

He led her past the platform to a giant covered catwalk which led to another building. It was darker here, the halls were shadowed and the people squirmed as they knelt. He led her to a stairway and up a few floors, then down a brighter, cleaner hallway. He turned to her then, flashing his perfectly straight white teeth, and opened a door before ushering her through it. She entered a large room that was elegantly decorated and furnished, her sweeping eyes even spotted a full bar which Negan was already starting toward. The room was also filled with several beautiful, scantily clad women. One of them, a young brunette with doe-like eyes intercepted Negan at the bar.

"Seriously? Another one, Negan? You just brought in Amber." Her voice was incredulous.

Negan chuckled playfully as he reached for a decanter of caramel-colored liquid and poured a glass.

"You aren't jealous are you, Sherry? I mean, I wouldn't blame you. This one," he gestured toward Ava with his glass. "She's a real find. Do you drink bourbon, little bird?" He beckoned her forward and grabbed another glass.

"I don't... I mean, I have, but," her voice was so small, everyone was looking at her. Their eyes held fear and wariness.

"Oh, C'mon now. Don't be rude. Have a sip."

She started across the room, clutching her coat tighter around herself. Negan pushed a cool glass into her hand and prompted her to drink as he did. The whiskey flowed down her throat, spreading like fire, calming her nerves.

"This little bird is just here for a visit but I want you to help her get a bit more... comfortable." Negan smiled toward the woman named Sherry and downed the rest of his whiskey.

"Then why don't you bring her up to my room." He pinched Ava's cheek, then exited with a meandering gait.


	3. A Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava is introduced to Negan's harem before he presents her with an offer.

Chapter Three: A Proposal

Sherry turned out to be quite nice. She actually asked her name and even smiled at her. The other women mostly ignored her.

"Do you want to finish that?" Sherry asked, motioning toward the glass on the bar top. It was still full of whiskey.

"Oh no, I'm not much of a drinker," she said.

"Are you sure? You may want to become one if you're going to his room," Sherry replied.

Ava swallowed hard and leaned against the bar.

"Is he going to... I mean, he's going to-" she swallowed hard again.

"Rape is not allowed among the Saviors," Sherry said, almost automatically.

"Negan has a way of making things clear that can convince you to agree to just about anything. How else do you think he got so many wives? He has all the power."

Ava took a sip of the whiskey and closed her eyes. She felt like she was spiraling and tried to focus on the feeling of spreading warmth.

"Wives?" She eventually managed, although she still choked on the word. 

Sherry gave her a tragic smile and finished the last of her whiskey, then she pulled her away from the bar toward a door that turned out to be a large closet. It was filled with more clothes and shoes than she had ever seen and there were lounging sofas and tall mirrors and it was like something out of a magazine. She felt like she was hallucinating. Sherry moved among the clothes, riffling, and she sank onto one of the loveseats, numb.

"Well, you'd look good in just about anything."

Ava reached up to pull her coat tighter around herself as Sherry glanced at her.

"A lot of girls come here looking nasty but you're pretty clean." Sherry went on.

"I showered this morning," Ava's voice was dull.

"Well, black is Negan's favorite so..." Sherry draped a smooth black dress with a subtle sequin design along the edge and back over her lap. It had short sleeves and a plunging neckline. She could see that it was short in length, about an inch over the knee, perhaps, with sequins along the hem.

"Go ahead, try it on. You can change over there. I'll be right back." Sherry motioned toward the mirrors and left.

Ava approached the mirror with the soft, beautiful dress, like a foreign thing in her hands. Slowly, she removed her open-tip gloves, feeling just this made her naked. Unless she was sleeping or cleaning herself, she wore them. Tears slid down her cheeks as she watched them fall, as she ran her calloused fingers over the unbelievably soft material. Even in her time before the Fall she'd never seen anything so pretty. This man, this Negan, he was trying to bait her. She was half tempted to refuse, to wear her own sap-stained clothes. But then she thought of Daryl and hurried to undress.

Sherry brushed her long hair out after pulling it down from the messy bun she'd contained it in, spritzing it with a bottle of scented water and then blow-drying it. It fell naturally in large curls, black and shiny. Sherry marveled at the natural red highlights which shone less subtle in the bright florescents of the closet. Then she washed Ava's face and hands in a basin and applied some make-up, telling her she didn't need much. Through it all the numb feeling grew and thickened like a buzzing thing, taking over her thoughts. She came to the surface slightly when Sherry tried to put heels on her feet. At her protests, they were switched for flats.

"Alright, let's go," Sherry said, bringing her back into reality as if through a pinprick tunnel.

"I feel like..." Ava looked down at herself, caught her own large, terrified blue eyes in the mirror.

"You feel like you're on display... and you are." Sherry crossed to the door and she hurried to follow.

The women stared as she made her way through the lounging area and out into the hallway. Sherry led her away from the stairwell to the very last door and knocked curtly.

"Come in," Negan's voice sounded cheerful.

Sherry pushed the door open and prompted her through first, following closely behind and closing the door. Negan was lounging in an armchair next to another decanter, a crystal glass in his hand. His room was lit by several lamps along with a large black chandelier which hung over a gigantic bed.

"Oh, my..." Negan's voice was full of the chuckle that followed. He took a deep drought from his glass; shaking his head with a vicious grin as his eyes appraised her crudely. His chuckle rose again and he stood slowly, starting toward her.

"My, oh, my, little bird. Look at you. What did I say?" She could smell the alcohol on his breath as he leered over her. He took another swig, gave another grin.

"A force!"

Sherry moved toward the door but Negan intercepted her.

"Hey now, I wanted to thank you," his voice was low and Ava turned away as he swept Sherry's hair back and kissed her passionately.

"It's just a visit," he said, behind her, his voice slightly petulant. Then she heard the door snap shut. His chuckle filled the room again.

"So, little bird, how do you like your new threads?" He asked as he crossed to the decanter and poured another glass, then brought it to her.

"You really do look," he glanced down, his eyes lingering on her full cleavage, "good enough to eat."

She stepped away from him, took a drink, sat in the chair next to his.

"Don't worry. I won't, at least not without an invitation," Negan winked before he sank into his own chair.

"What do you want?" Ava asked, cutting to the chase as she put her drink down.

Negan smiled at her.

"I want to make you an offer. You see, you are fucking drop dead gorgeous," he started, "and I realize you've got this thing going for Daryl. He's the first guy you've really had contact with... and, look, he's adorable; I've seen him. I get it," his laughter was insulting her. She took a sip and swallowed slowly to control herself.

"Look, you said it yourself, little bird. Daryl said he would keep you safe. Then he and his friends decided to poke the bear and now, all of the bear shit has hit the fucking fan." He turned to her now and his face grew dark.

"In case you haven't guessed, I'm the fucking bear. But I can keep you safe. I keep all of my girls safe, well-dressed," his finger slid up her exposed thigh, "well-fed. I keep my girls satisfied." His numbing voice prompted his finger higher up her thigh and she jerked away.

"I also keep their friends and loved ones safe."

At this Ava caught his eyes, watched his smile curl.

"Now, those in Alexandria... They aren't completely in the fold so I can't include them in my offer quite yet but," he swirled his whiskey thoughtfully. " But Daryl... Well, you could probably help Daryl."

"What are you saying? You'll let Daryl go if I become one of your... wives?" Her voice broke with disgust on the last word.

Negan drank slowly, stood and crossed the room toward the door.

"Yes, my wives," he took another drink, then turned back to her.

"But you," he said grinning as he inclined the rim of his glass toward her, "you would be my prize."

"Well, I can't just let Daryl go if you agree to my proposal, but, I will avoid torture, skip the breaking, and allow you to convince him to work for me. So, what do you say?"

Ava's head was spinning. Negan was starting toward her. She stood and side-stepped him, grasping the bedpost. Her chest was heaving and the damn dress was too tight. Her fingers clawed along the material, ripping sequins loose.

"Okay, now... Breathe, little bird. Just breathe," his voice was husky, behind her, very close. She felt his hands stop her rapid fingers.

"No!" Her voice sobbed as she wrenched her hands away.

"Sherry said no rape!" She cried, turning to him, watching his eyes so close above her.

"Rape is not permitted here. You have to agree. I won't force you."

"You won't force me?! You'll torture," she choked on the word, "you'll torture him if I don't. That's coercion. It's the same thing."

"No!" His voice rose sharply, the power behind it weakening her knees, making her sink against the mattress. 

"This is bargaining. Daryl should be dead, and he has a price to pay. I'm willing to let you pay it for him. And let me tell you, honey," his shouting voice lowered with each word until it was a rumbling growl. He lifted his hand and she felt his gloved fingers curl around her neck and into her hair as he continued. "Your payment will be heaven compared to his hell. I'm sure you'll enjoy it." His face bent over her and she pulled back but the bed was solid and his hold was firm.

His lips were slow and insistent, prompting hers open. She felt his fingers reaching further along her neck, bending her head back as his tongue twirled playfully. Her heart skipped and she pushed him away roughly and glared as he chuckled.

"Go ahead, little bird, tell me you didn't like that."

She turned away from him, sobbing as she sank into the nearest seat.

"This is wrong." She was shaking uncontrollably.

"This is how it is. It's a different world. Look. I'm not going to force you to do anything. My girls have to agree to love me or at least try. It's a new world and I've made some new rules but I'm somewhat old school."

This time it was Ava's laugh that filled the room, emboldened by the whiskey.

"Old school? Yeah. Really old school... You have twelve wives!"

Negan flashed his bright grin.

"Tell you what, little bird. Why don't you sleep on it. I'd give you more time but your Alexandria is quite the ticking time bomb," he said the last few words in a sing-song voice. "You'll have to give me your answer after you get some sleep, though. I'll have to start breaking Daryl ASAP; the boy's a tough one... if you say no, that is." She closed her eyes as his fingers graced her cheek, jerking away.

"You can stay here for a while, okay? I'm going to catch a few hours shut-eye with my girls. You're safe here. Sleep tight, little bird." His soft lips pressed against her forehead, his beard tickling her skin very slightly. Then she heard his footsteps and the door, and she finally began to breathe somewhat freely.


	4. A Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava begins to negotiate and is granted a visit with her only ally in Negan's Compound.

Chapter Four: A Visit

Ava sank down into the black bed spread, trying to ignore Negan's smell, sharp yet soft, leathery and masculine. She closed her eyes, feeling the world spin. She thought of Daryl... the sight of him stalking beneath the canopy, his lean figure outlined in fresh green as he crouched, took aim, fired his bow. His movements were liquid, as easy as breathing, even as he balanced the large crossbow and pulled back the string to reload it. Her whiskey-addled mind slipped against him in her memory as the world shifted, leaves sliding past her view. Then she was with Rick in a strip mall... some gift shop. They were scavenging in unison, as if they'd done it hundreds of times. Only due to individual practice though; they were wary of one another.

"How long have you all been together?" Her voice was steady, as it never had been with Negan. 

"A while... Some of us since the beginning," Rick stopped searching a drawer and looked up at her. 

"How many walkers have you killed?" Ava's brows furrowed in confusion, but looking over she could see from his face that it was a serious question. 

"Too many to count," she answered, as though that were obvious.

"Why?" She stepped away from the cabinet she was checking, scoffing slightly. 

"Because they'd kill me!" 

"How many people have you killed?" This question gave her pause. His eyes seemed empty, as empty as his voice. She swallowed, closed her eyes as faces flashed behind their lids. 

"Too many... I could count but I try not to..." 

"Count them," his voice cut low and cruel. So she did, she counted the faces. 

"Eight." 

"Why?" 

"Because they'd have killed me," she began, and when she opened her eyes to look at him they were filled with tears. "Or worse."

Rick's face spun in the spectrum of her tears and she tried to focus on the room that actually contained her so she wouldn't wretch in Negan's bed, then the thought of that actually made her chuckle as sleep finally settled down over her. She awoke several hours later with a horrible dry mouth but she found a pitcher of ice-cold water where the whiskey had been. Her dress was wrinkled but she had nothing else to wear. Her head was still spinning slightly so she sat back on the bed and tried to contemplate her decision, but she'd thought about it as much as her hung-out mind would allow. Now all she could do was wait. 

Negan didn't make her wait long and she actually felt happy to see him when he brought her a tray of oatmeal with fresh apples and peaches. She ate quickly and completely. She'd spent most of the day tracking Rick as he avoided the Saviors yesterday and she was starved. Negan grinned as he watched her.

"So, I hate to push you, little bird, but I'm going to need an answer."

She swallowed the last of her breakfast and drank some water before responding.

"You said this was a bargain." He inclined his head in response.

"I want more. You have to let Daryl go back to Alexandria," she said.

Negan pressed his clasped hands against his lips before letting out his breath with a sigh and shaking his head.

"Sorry, doll. That's a no go. Not after what he did. He has to bend the knee, as an example." She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Fine, then you have to extend your protection to Alexandria," her voice was pleading.

He shook his head again, his voice firm as he responded.

"I can't, little bird. They need to be broken too and it might take a firm hand. I can't make any promises there."

"It's not enough..." She was desperate. Negan shrugged and moved to leave.

"I'll be off to see Daryl then. Don't worry. We won't kill him. He might just wish to die."

"No!" Her voice stopped him and she hated his smiling face.

"Give me the children," she insisted.

"Well, we aren't even married yet, dollface. That'll take some time," he chuckled.

"No," she was crying in light of his laughter.

"You have to promise not to hurt the children in Alexandria," she managed.

Negan's brow furrowed over his eyes.

"Christ, woman, what do you take me for?"

A monster, she thought silently. 

"Promise!" She asked aloud, her voice desperate.

"Okay!"

She felt relief grip her and flow, relaxing her tense body.

"So, we have a deal?" Negan asked. She wiped the tears and swallowed her sobs.

"You can't take them, either, bring them here... " His eyes narrowed, but he nodded.

"You're a smart little bird."

"I also consider Carl a child."

"Okay." His voice was low and soft but she could see in his face, his patience was thinning. 

"Then we have a deal," she breathed.

Negan flashed his smile.

"Then let's go see Daryl."

She followed Negan to the stairwell, then down to the bottom. The smell was stale and sour, the hallways damp. She was led to a random room which proved to be a somewhat shabby bedroom. Negan moved to make himself comfortable, sitting in a large leather chair while she stood awkwardly, waiting. Before very long Dwight led Daryl in. He was dirty and naked but for a rough blanket, stiff from the pain of his injured shoulder; she wanted nothing more than to hold him. He glanced between her and Negan like an angry animal.

"Daryl! How good of you to join us. Little bird here wanted to talk to you, and me being the accommodating host that I am," he stood and bowed slightly toward Ava, then he exited with Dwight.

"Daryl," she breathed his name and his eyes filled with tears when she took his face in her hands.

"You ain't supposed to be here," his voice broke on the words. 

"And you are?" She asked. He shook his head and slumped but she forced his gaze back up and kissed him fiercely.

His lips took her with a desperate need and his good arm pulled her tightly against him. She got lost in him and wished never to be found, but his arm loosened and his lips pulled away.

"You gotta get out of here," he said.

"I can't, Daryl. Negan made a deal with me." He stepped back slightly, his face confused.

"What kind of a deal?" She took a breath and answered him.

"He wants to take me for his wife. If I agree he'll provide both of us with protection and offer you a position as one of his Saviors." Her heart caved in as she watched his face crumple with disgust.

"Wife?" He spit the word, then literally spit and began to pace.

"Daryl, listen to me. This man is dangerous. You saw, God, we all saw. Please, Daryl, it's the only way." She was pleading but he turned his back to her.

She walked up behind him, pressed her hands and forehead lightly against his back and whispered,

"They could be listening, but Daryl... if we go along with this, we can wait for the upper hand. Rick will find a way," she stopped as he turned and took her in his arms.

"I can't kneel to him, Ava, and I can't stand thinkin' about you with him," his voice was a low growl, barely audible.

She reached for his face, pushing his hair back.

"We're in no position to fight now," she was breathing into his ear. She really had no idea if they were listening outside the door.

"Just leave!" Daryl's growl was savage, animal-like.

Her eyes filled with tears as she stared at him.

"I can't!" She choked on the words. "He'll torture you. He'll break you! He'll hurt you." She kissed his face, pressing his hair away. "I won't let him!"

He growled again and kissed her, hard and deep and reckless, pulling her face against him so hard she yearned that they would become one. The door opened, somewhere in another world, and Negan's voice murmured in amusement. Daryl held her tighter and her hands grew insistent but Dwight pulled him away.

"Go! Get out of here, forget about me. Just go back to Alexandria, Ava." He fought against Dwight who kneed him sharply in the gut, causing Ava to cry out. His slumped form was forced violently from the room.

"Well," Negan's voice pulled her back and she turned to his smiling face and hated it.

"That was romantic." He chuckled and sank down in the leather chair again. Ava began to cry.


	5. A Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava realizes her choices are more limited than she thought. She makes a decision that feels like a trap.

Chapter Five: A Deal

Negan opened the door for her and she stepped into his room, a numb feeling that was quickly becoming familiar spreading fast. She saw that his table had been set up with a lunch tray that contained bread, tomatoes, eggs, lettuce, pickles, and condiments. Negan sat down and hurried to make a sandwich, seemingly ignoring her as he began to eat. She turned away from him and closed her eyes.

"You should eat," Negan eventually muttered between bites.

"I'm not hungry," she said softly.

"You should eat." It was a command. She sat down in the other chair and reached for the bread, chewing automatically.

They ate in mutual silence. She finished her bread, sat numbly, reached for a tomato when he glared at her. He finished his sandwich, then made another, glaring again as he took a bite. She ate a pickle and took some more bread. He finished his second sandwich, motioned to the tray and questioned her with his eyes. She shook her head, so he picked it up and brought it out to the hall where someone was apparently waiting. Then he sat down and reached for a beer from the bucket of iced water that sat on the table.

"So," he began with a sigh after taking a deep swig, "from what I heard, it didn't go well."

She glared over at him but tears filled her eyes and she covered her face with her hands.

"He won't agree..." she sobbed. "He won't submit and I should have known he wouldn't."

Silence filled the room as Negan sipped his beer and Ava cried.

"Yep," Negan seemed bored with her tears. "You should have. I knew he wouldn't bend the knee that easy. It's why I want him." He took another swig and watched her wipe her eyes.

"Listen, babydoll, you can't go back to Alexandria." She looked up into his dark eyes, like shadowed topaz.

"Even if you don't take my offer, You've seen the compound. You drove here un-hooded, you weren't blindfolded...Until everything is settled I can't have you going off to Rick, providing him with that information."

The numbness peeled away, sinking her into a pit of desperate fear and anxiety. She felt her breath quicken instantly.

"What would I do? Where would I go?"

If you weren't my wife?" He shrugged. "We'd find a place for you. We operate on a point system here so you'd have to earn your keep. We'd have to figure it all out." He smiled at her, took another swig.

"You know that you aren't giving me an option." She was angry. Her voice was sharp. "Even if I say yes you will torture Daryl because he won't kneel for you like some servant," she spat; she was angry, reckless.

"If you say yes I will go much, much easier on him..." he watched her as she glared. "And you will have regular negotiation opportunities. Let's just say, the happier I am, the better it will be for Daryl."

A burst of sudden static interrupted them, surprising her. She realized it was a radio when Negan reached for it.

“Ops to Big Boss, we got the next load pulling in, now. Over.”

“Roger, that,” Negan hooked the radio back on his belt and grinned at her. “Alas, duty calls, little bird. Listen... I want you to stay in here. It's for your own safety, really. There's a guard outside the door if you need anything." She started to protest but he left quickly.

She paced his room for a few minutes, sipped her water, stared at the door, then gave up and laid down in the huge bed, falling asleep quickly.

"I see you've made yourself comfortable."

Ava sat up, rubbing her eyes as Negan came into focus. Her hair was falling loose from the bun she'd thrown it up into. She pulled it down, running her fingers though it as she yawned. Negan watched her as he sipped a beer.

"You drink a lot," she said softly. He smiled.

"You don't drink enough."

"What time is it?" She asked, moving to get up. He crossed the room before she had a chance, setting his bottle on the nightstand.

"It's time for you to tell me your decision. I'm a busy man, dollface. I don't have time to wait around for you, especially while you're sleeping in my bed."

"I want to see him. I want one more chance to convince him," she replied.

"You can see him anytime you want, and I'll encourage you to convince him... after you agree."

"What exactly am I agreeing to?" She asked.

"You are agreeing to be my wife. To love me, to cherish me, to obey me. I expect you to be loyal to me. I expect you to perform certain... wifely duties," at this he sat down and she nearly scooted off the bed.

"Don't," he breathed, reaching for her, stopping her.

"What kind of duties?" Her voice was so small and she jerked away from his fingers so he pulled back.

"You want me to get into the nitty gritty details?" His teeth gleamed and her stomach sank. "Nothing too wild, little bird... As your husband my main concern is your... happiness."

"And if I say no, you will force me to stay, in some other position..."Her voice gave away her fear.

"And I'd be pretty upset. I might take my anger out on someone."

"On Daryl," she whispered.

"On Daryl." He confirmed.

"I won't be able to love you, not even pretend... not while you torture him." He looked at her and watched her face for a long time.

"I know," he said.

She nodded, wiped her eyes, covered her face and sighed deeply.

"Okay. I'll do it."


	6. An Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava contemplates her tortured past as she faces an uncertain future with Negan.

She and Negan were married within an hour by a man who'd been a priest before the Fall. There was no real ceremony, no papers to file... he gave her a ring, though. A big gaudy thing that felt cold and foreign on her finger. He told her it was a Vera Wang, which meant nothing to her wood-fostered ears. She didn't care, and she didn't have to. All she had to do was say, "I do." Which she did, a top the platform in front of all his kneeling Saviors, tears cascading as she spotted Daryl, forced to the ground beside Dwight. Even still, she said the words.

"I do." They rang in her head now as she stared at a bottle of champagne on the table in Negan's room, beside a large bowl of strawberries and whipped cream.

"You have cows." Her voice sounded different, unnatural, and the cool cream she dipped her finger in was like an alien substance.

"We do." Negan grabbed the bottle of champagne and began to open it, watching her closely as she licked her finger and took a strawberry.

The cork popping made her jump and shiver which, in turn, made Negan laugh. She looked at him, then looked down at herself.

"I hate this dress," she said with disgust.

"Really? I like it." He handed her a glass of bubbling gold liquid. She'd never tried champagne. She sniffed it and wrinkled her nose.

"I've slept in it twice and it's rather uncomfortable," she went on, complaining.

"So take it off." Negan laughed at her glare and they both drank.

She actually enjoyed the bubbles in her throat. Negan downed his in a second and poured another. He kicked his boots off and removed his scarf as he sat down, grabbing a strawberry. Then he looked at her and she finished her own glass as he continued watching her.

"Seriously, woman... you're fucking beautiful. You just don't come across women like you in daily life, let alone in the middle of the goddamn apocalypse. Fucking look at you, in day old make up and a wrinkled dress... You still put all my other girls to shame, and I've got some lookers!" He stopped, drank what was left of his second glass and then went on in a deep rumble. "No wonder you stayed in the trees." His glass fell to the floor as he stood, cushioned by a thick carpet. Ava gasped as he reached for her.

His lips were on her just as suddenly, claiming her, owning her. Her head craned back and his hands seemed to be the only thing holding her upright.'

"Negan," she managed, and he stopped kissing her lips but moved down to devour her neck and chest instead.

"This is so fast... It's too much."

"You telling me you don't want this?" His mouth forced her breath to hitch sharply, and then he was picking her up with ease. 

"Negan, please-" his lips stopped her words, somehow his hands had already pulled her dress down past her shoulders. Her arms were trapped against her as his mouth dropped down to awaken a layer of gooseflesh on her heaving chest. He tumbled her into the bed and continued to pull the dress down, dragging her bra with it, the fabric ripping and giving way as he yanked and tugged. She was sure the dress was ruined but he didn't seem to care, tossing it aside like a rag.

"If you want me to stop," he climbed over her, so smooth and fast her breath caught, but he pulled back to kneel at her feet as he removed his jacket and discarded it. "Just say the word."

He pulled his shirt off then, and flashed his brilliant smile. Her gaze lingered on the muscles of his chest; she closed her eyes and she hadn't said the word and now his hands were on her...

His fingers circled her ankles and pulled her legs down so her knees weren't bent. She felt his lips on the inside of one ankle, her calf, her thigh. His hands followed in their wake.

"Negan," she sighed the name, she hated herself; she forced herself to find a voice, just as his lips brushed along her panties.

"No! Negan, stop, please... It's too much." She was crying and he was there, suddenly, holding her. Her tears sprinkled along his bare skin, in his chest hair.

"Shhhh..." His thumbs wiped her tears away.

"I just can't... I didn't always stay in the trees. I couldn't, and there were others before and... and the hospital... but that was... I didn't have a choice. But this... it's different... Daryl," he was trying to shush her but she was blathering uncontrollably, "Oh, God, I can't do this."

"Hush, little bird... it's alright. Just hush."

She fell asleep in his arms, crying, with him petting her hair and humming to her. She awoke to find him sleeping and sneaked out of bed to use the bathroom. She found his robe and put it on. Then she washed her face and stared into her own reflection, hating it. She knew that she was good-looking beyond normal standards with her large blue eyes, symmetrically spaced with her straight nose and full lips. Her hair was full, the curls and waves sleek and the black color rich and deep. Her height was somewhat below average but that took nothing from her curves. Her looks were the reason her father lived the way he had, to protect her, he always said. 

She had never forgiven him for that. He'd considered her a piece of property to be kept safe from the world. Then the world ended. With little to no contact with the world outside her parents, Ava had been on only one date with a local boy. She'd been young when the sickness spread, eighteen, but old for such limited experience with the opposite sex. After the Fall and the death of her parents her virginity had been lost in violence. The world was such a violent place she considered it the way of things for a long time. She'd killed that first man with her ice pick. The next she tip-toed away from while he snored in a drunken stupor. She'd killed one with his own machete and she still carried it... or at least she had before Negan. Then, of course, there was the hospital, but she did not like to think of the terror that was Grady.

Still, all of those had been before Daryl, who brought memories that made her heart bleed. All of those had been forced upon her. She hadn't had a choice. But this... glancing back into the room at Negan's sleeping form she took a deep breath. This was something entirely different. This was embracing his violation, and not just temporarily, as much as she hoped it would be. This could be her life. There may not be a chance to sneak away and even if she could jab something pointy into his head, she and Daryl would not make it out alive. She was playing it by ear, hoping to gain a foothold on treacherous grounds. The horrible night of Abraham's and Glenn's deaths played like a warning track in the back of her mind and the repercussions of her decision pressed in against her. Still, she knew that it was the only option that provided her any chance. So she swallowed hard and tried to steal herself against her dark reality. She ate a couple of handfuls of strawberries and finished what was left of the champagne which was flat but still flavorful.

Negan rolled over at the sound of her sputtering and instantly woke up.

"Come over here." It was a command. She took the last swig of the champagne and obeyed.

He smiled as she climbed into the bed with him but his smile disappeared as she straddled him.

"I want you to be happy." Her voice was slurred and her senses blurred as he forced his robe open and pressed his lips to her skin. She closed her eyes and tried to lose herself.

He rushed to untie the sash and bared her in another quick movement. She reached down to unbutton his pants but he stopped her, pushed her back and removed her panties in a fluid motion. She was laying, spread out before him and then he was hovering over her, a prominent bulge in his jeans pressing against the exposed skin between her legs. His lips claimed her again and she felt the throbbing hardness more as his crotch thrust against her. His tongue seemed to be battling, dancing, with her own as his lips caressed a smooth back up... and then suddenly his kiss was gone. His hot lips flowed along her neck, collarbone, bare breasts. They allowed his perfect teeth to nip her flesh, her hard nipples, as that wicked smile flashed.

Her hands caught in his hair as he moved his lips down to her stomach, hovering near her navel as he pulled her legs apart, eliciting a gasp.

"You taste," he began, his voice a low, amused growl. His eyes were watching her and her body struck with lightening as their gazes locked and his lips pressed down against her naked sex. He flicked his tongue playfully against her clit and grinned as he continued, "like strawberries." 

She felt like a mechanical thing, a thing she'd lost control of. He controlled her now, forcing waves of pleasure to crash over her, breaking her control to pieces. Then he was there again, kissing her and she tasted herself on his lips and tongue. Her cries had been echoing in the room and she oblivious to them. His fingers reaching down to massage her clit and thrust within her made her realize those cries were forming words, desperate pleas. Negan smiled, pulling his fingers away slightly, but allowing a light touch to keep her moaning.

"What's that, little bird?" His voice was a rumbling storm in her ear, her moan became a whine.

"Please..." She reached for his arm and tried to pull him closer to her but he held firm, his touch still light.

"What is it, love?" He purred and she fell back in frustration, mewling in disappointment. His touch left her and she started to curl away, feeling the alcohol start to overtake her, but then he was there again, his hands spreading her knees so his bare thighs could slide against her. She felt the tip of his penis hard where his light touch had left her desperate before.

"Is this what you want?" He pushed into her, just so, and she made a noise of approval deep in her throat.

"Hmmm?" His lips were hovering against hers.

"Yes...please, Negan." He gave a satisfied growl as he plunged forward and she let out a deep sigh as he filled her. He rocked steadily, forcing her moans to rise. He gripped her hips roughly, pulling away from her slightly so he could angle his thrusts deeper. He was grinning, but it had a savage line as his thrusts grew in length and intensity. She closed her eyes and rode the sensations that tore through her body with a fevered climax. He held her against him and she called out a name... And then suddenly he was gone and she was an empty broken thing on the bed, burrowing into the black blanket, and the blackness overtook her as a booming voice shook the room.


	7. A Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava realizes the snare of the trap she's contained within is closing around her.

Chapter Seven: A Confrontation

Ava awoke drenched in sweat and lurched toward the bathroom where she heaved and vomited for several minutes. She was moaning into the toilet bowl when she heard the bedroom door. Heavy footsteps, and then he was there leaning casually in the doorway as he watched her.

"Oh, C'mon now... It wasn't all that bad. I don't keep all those wives with just my dashing looks. I've been told on more than one occasion I'm pretty damn good in the sack."

Ava heaved again and moaned in response.

"You, though...Mmm-mmmm! You are something else! You sang for me last night, eh, little bird?" His cheerful voice was too loud and she curled against the toilet, closing her eyes. She heard him move into the bathroom.

"Just one little problem, a minor complaint..." She felt him close behind her, heard him squat down. "I can't have my wives calling out the names of other men in the throes of passion." At this he reached over her and flushed the toilet, causing her to jerk upright.

He got up and left slowly, closing the bathroom door behind him. Ava closed her eyes again, realizing she was naked. She rinsed her mouth with toothpaste, washed her face and tied a towel around herself. Then she saw the dress hanging on the door. This one was even shorter than the last, black again, simple, with no sleeves and a swooping neckline. There was even fresh underwear and a bra, although the cup size was a bit too small. She still managed to make it work somewhat comfortably.

She was happy to see another breakfast tray waiting for her when she came out of the bathroom, this one with apple muffins and scrambled eggs. She devoured every bite, then sat, staring at the crumbs and globs of yellow, the realization of what her new life could be creeping around her again. Tears filled her eyes and she closed them slowly, forcing control. Deep breaths calmed her and she began to look around Negan's room. His assorted knick knacks, gorgeous vases, and statues, were all really tasteful things that surprised her. She was disappointed to discover he had no books. Her mother had owned a book store at some point and their attic had been filled with the texts that were Ava's only real window to the outside world.

She tried to take a nap but couldn't, grumbling as she rolled out of the bed. She paced the room, feeling like a caged animal. Finally she opened the door. The guard had been reclining in a metal chair. They stood at the sound of the door and Ava recognized her as one of the few women she'd noticed that horrible night in the clearing.

"What?" The woman looked her over, cleared her throat. "Do you need something?"

Ava felt her mouth shrivel against her reply as the woman stared at her. She cleared her own throat.

"I'm sorry," she began, then straightened, not quite sure why she was apologizing.

"I-I mean, do I have to stay in here? Can I leave?"

The woman furrowed her eyebrows, bit her lip.

"Negan wants you to stay put 'til he gets back."

"Could I at least see Sherry?"

The woman shook her head and Ava sighed and retreated back into the room. She crawled back into the bed, fighting back useless tears and painful memories as she forced herself to sleep. His hands woke her, sliding along her thigh, up onto her hip. She felt his chest against her back, his crotch against her buttocks, then his lips touched down on her shoulder. She gasped and jerked against him as his hand curved down around her hip, his fingers pulling her dress up. They slithered under her panties, parting her and stroking her before sliding up inside of her. His mouth and beard were on her ear and neck as he fondled her.

"Say my name, dollface," his voice was dark, rumbling over her skin like an earthquake.

She closed her eyes, trembling, and his fingers reached deeper, forcing her to moan and arch.

"Come on, little bird. Say. My. Name." He was growling and his fingers began to twist.

"Negan!" She yelped, jerking away from him. He pulled her back, sliding his fingers from her and massaging her clit with their slick tips. His mouth played against her ear.

"Again," he purred. Tears clouded her eyes even as her hips rocked automatically against his manipulation.

"Negan," she said, her voice defeated.

She felt his cock slide against her as he struggled to remove her panties, then he was massaging her again and forcing himself deep into her with one solid thrust. Her body squirmed as she accommodated him.

"Again."

"Please," she sobbed and he yanked her hair back, causing her to cry out before his fingers grew gentle. They stroked her hair and face, her neck, and there they hardened.

"Say it." He thrust into her again as his hands clenched around her throat. Her body rang like a bell and she cried out,

"Negan!"

He fucked her in earnest then and she bucked against him, continuing to cry his name as he egged her on. She climaxed hard, shouting it over and over. Suddenly she realized he'd come simultaneously, within her, and she pulled away shocked and horrified.

"Wait..." She was gasping for air, as was he.

"For what? You want more? You're gonna have to give me a minute."

"No... No, I'm not... you didn't... There's no condom."

Negan chuckled as he sat up and reached into the nightstand, removing a pack of cigarettes, one of which he lit.

"Yeah, I don't use those things. Besides, it's the end of the world. We need to repopulate, and darlin'..." He pointed at her with his cigarette, grinning. "You've got FANTASTIC genes."

The room spun and she closed her eyes. How could she be so stupid? She hadn't even thought of this.

"Negan... You never mentioned children."

"Well, of course it's implied," his eyes darkened, "you're my wife."

Her stomach dropped but she swallowed hard and glared at him.

"Am I? Am I your wife, Negan? Or am I your prisoner? Am I even allowed to leave this room?"

His eyes narrowed as he drew off his cigarette, the glow brightening his face. She could see he was angry and he exhaled in frustration, then smiled, almost laughed. She marveled at how his face could shift so quickly.

"Well, Ava," it was odd hearing him say her actual name, "you have to understand I can't just have you running around the compound." The amused lilt in his voice began to annoy her.

"What is that supposed to mean? Why the hell not?"

Negan took another puff as he looked at her, smiling... always smiling.

"Look, you're not from here. You're not part of this group, not yet anyway. And I don't trust you. Not yet. And I never will completely. Consider this a little probationary period."

Ava began to feel nauseated. She crossed her arms and legs, trying to curl away from this horrible place.

"You didn't tell me about any of this before," she breathed.

"You didn't ask," he replied.

"Just let me go," he chuckled again, shaking his head. "Just let me go to the trees. I won't go to Rick. I wouldn't even know how to tell him to get here. Please!" She was sobbing.

"Hey now, little bird, hush," he stroked her hair.

"You said this- this was just a visit... that I wouldn't have to marry you or do anything I don't want to do," she was hysterical, pulling away from him.

"Now I might be pregnant and you won't even let me leave this room!"

"Calm down." It was a command but she didn't care.

"You are a sick fuck! I mean, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Calm the FUCK down!"

She flinched away from him as he rose up, towering over her.

"You're damn right I'm a sick fuck, but I'm the sick fuck that keeps this place running, that keeps hundreds of people alive. I'm the sick fuck that runs the goddamn show around here. That is something you and all of your little friends need to fucking comprehend," he tapped his temple, an angry gesture. "Look at you, with all the food and dresses you could want. Look around you. Look at this rotten goddamn world. Where would you be-" he stopped short and she glared at him.

"Where would I be? I would be happy. You killed my friends. You took Daryl and now you're holding me captive. I will NEVER love you. Just let me go." She was screaming at him; she thought he would slap her but she saw him restrain himself. He laid his hand firmly alongside her face and his anger sought to drown her words.

"Let you go? Are you blind? Did you miss me bashing your pals' heads in? I'm not letting you out of this compound. You can scale fucking trees and you've got more intel on me than anyone in your group... like a fucking sentry from my nightmares. Fuck no. And if you weren't in this hall you'd be raped in some stairwell and I'd have to castrate a good gun. Men don't come back from that shit." She swallowed hard and tried to look away but he jerked her face back toward him."Men talk, little bird, not to me, because I'll cut their tongues out. But you don't think for a second that you're safe here without MY protection."

"You brought me here." Her voice was quiet... broken.

"I did," his voice was quiet too. "And fuck me if I shouldn't have... but I wanted you- Fuck," he bit his lip as his gaze dragged over her body. "I should have left you in the goddamn woods but I  _fucking_ wanted you. I've given you a chance to work a way out of the shit show _your_ people created when you all killed MY men... A way to pay the fucking piper for your stupid goddamn boyfriend's impulsive behavior." His voice had risen to a shout again. "And we had a deal... Do you have any idea how many people died in that outpost? In their sleep? _My people_. People _I_ was responsible for." He stopped again, and she could see he was fighting to control his anger. "But we had a goddamn deal. You give me something I want and I do what I can to not fucking kill every goddamn one of you."

The silence drew out for a time, his face like storm clouds gathering on the horizon.

"But now I've started to realize that we've all crossed a motherfucking line we can never go back over," he continued slowly, then he let her go, roughly, and got dressed in smooth, angry motions.

She watched him, pulling the covers up higher and shaking under his glare. He yanked his boots on and shrugged into his coat.

"Maybe," he began as he put on his scarf, "I'll pay Daryl a visit."

"No!" She lunged at him, clambering off the bed.

"Negan! Don't hurt him, please." He flashed one last vicious smile before leaving and she slammed into the door, sobbing.

"Don't do this!" She pounded on the door, but didn't open it knowing that the guard would only stop her. She sank to the ground and let her tears take her instead.


	8. An Ordeal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava balks at her arrangement with Negan, and suffers the consequences.

Ava was moved into her own room a couple of hours later. She felt like she was in a dream, or a nightmare, the guard's hold tight on her arm as she was led down the hall and forced through a door identical to Negan's. It was a much smaller space but still nice. There was a couch, chairs and a table, as well as a dresser and full-body mirror. The bed was probably half the size of Negan's, the dressings were all in gray and black just like his, but she didn't care. She'd spent more nights than she could count sleeping on branches. 

There was a pile of crappy love novels and psy-fi books in one of the drawers of the dresser. The others contained skirts, dresses and blouses, mostly black, as well as undergarments and nightgowns. After perusing the sparse room she found when she asked the guard that she was not permitted to leave, of course. So she picked up a book and read it, the entire thing. Negan still didn't come. The female guard brought her a dinner tray.

"Where is Negan?" She asked, flinging her book on the couch and standing.

The woman looked her up and down, her disgust evident.

"What? You can't get enough of him?"

Ava shook her head, shocked.

"I don't-"

"We can all hear you scream," the woman's voice was vicious, cutting her off.

Ava swallowed hard.

"He won't let me go. He has Daryl," she choked.

"We hear him scream, too." And with that she left, leaving her alone to cry.

Negan didn't come for the rest of the night. She'd read all of the books by the time her dinner arrived the next day.

"He can't keep me in here like this! I want to go see Daryl." The woman ignored her and turned to leave. "At least let me see Sherry. Or just talk to me, please!" Her voice was desperate and the woman stopped, her hand on the doorknob.

When she turned back to Ava she was smiling; it was a wicked smile.

"You can't see Sherry because he's with her." Then she left, snapping the door shut behind her.

Ava felt her coiled anger lash with fury but she managed to contain her scream. She waited, poised, until the guard came to remove the tray and shot out the door behind her before it shut.

"Negan!" She screamed, her voice vicious and shrill. She banged on the nearest door, then barely ducked the guard.

"Negan! Where are you?" Her throat protested her hysterical shrieking. She kicked and pounded the next door just before she was tackled from behind.

She fought against the woman with a rabid fury, slamming her elbow back into her face and biting down hard on her finger when the woman's hand slammed her head down. She broke free then, kicking the woman, and screamed again as she turned,

"Negan!" 

There he was, standing in the hallway with that horrible grin, buttoning his pants. She heard the guard scramble to her feet but Negan stopped her with a raised hand.

"Negan," she didn't know why she was still screaming but sobs broke in at the end of his name.

"Negan..."she cried his name now, the anguish crushing her. Her legs crumpled beneath her. Someone touched her gently and she flinched and cringed away.

"Shhh... It's okay." Sherry's voice was gentle and her eyes were soft.

"Please," she sobbed, collapsing in her arms. Sherry held her as she cried, telling her it was okay, even though they both knew that it wasn't.

Sherry led her away from a sniggering Negan, helped her into her bed and washed her face with a damp towel.

"It gets easier, you know?" She brushed the towel along Ava's jawline, sighed deeply. "Then that makes you feel worse."

Her voice was odd in the silence that had stretched since her hysteric tirade.

"You'll never feel like you made the right choice." Her touch was so soft on her forehead.

"But you really only ever had one option, if you discount death. When the choice is between life and death, as it so often is these days, always choose life. It's simple. Around here the choice is Negan or death."

Ava caught her eyes.

"What's going to happen to me?" Sherry furrowed her brows as she stared down at the wash cloth. She brushed her hair aside and smiled softly.

"It gets better. Try to get some sleep," she set the cloth aside and started to stand, stopped. "Daryl is strong."

Then she hurried to leave.'

"Wait! Can you see Daryl?"

Sherry frowned and shook her head. Then she left as she'd come, in silence.

The next morning she was awoken while it was still dark out, her door slamming open without a warning.

"Morning, little bird!" His cheerful voice made her cringe. She rolled out of bed, pulling down her rumpled nightgown as a guard, a new female she didn't recognize, brought in a breakfast tray. "Quite the scene you made yesterday," he continued as the guard left. She sat on the couch and reached for some toast, glaring at him.

"Quite the asshole you are everyday," she said as she nibbled.

"Well ain't that the truth?" He chuckled as he grabbed his own piece of toast and sat beside her.

"I want to see Daryl."

"Oh really? He wants to see you. How about you meet him for dinner tonight?"

She rose an eyebrow and dropped her toast.

"Really?"

"Well, why not?" Negan ate his toast and grinned at her as he licked his fingertips.

"I mean... I can trust you, right? You are my wife."

"Just please let me see him." She saw his anger peak.

"Answer the question," he growled. "You are my wife. You will be loyal."

And suddenly it was too much... feeling an irrational need to push back against his constant and ever-changing control, she responded,

"What if I don't want to be? Your protection isn't worth this prison in disguise, not when you're still torturing Daryl like an animal, holding him like bait over me so I'll submit to you-" she stopped short as he turned to her, rising forward on the couch beside her like some force, crowding her against the side.

"Look around you," he stormed, "you think you know how animals live, how Daryl lives?" He laughed, humorless, cruel. "You'll serve your probation in a shack with guns trained on you and then you'll wear your knuckles to the bone earning your keep. And you'll be lucky not to be kidnapped or raped or killed by one of the sick fucks who call a guy like me their leader."

"How is that a choice?" She was firm in spite of his face leering close over her, dark and angry. "How is this not coercion, rape... How is it any different? You try to convince yourself but-How are you any different than the men you would castrate? You should cut your own dick off. "

He was glaring down at her and she could see a cloud of fury forming around him. She shrunk away from him against the arm of the couch and suddenly he exploded, upending the table and food with a roar. She screamed and he turned on her, looming as he placed one hand on the back of the sofa near her head and the other on the arm she cowered against.

"I've never, EVER, hit one of my wives but you are really pushing me. You're going to need to learn when to SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She flinched away from his screaming, covering her face.

"Come here, LOOK at ME," he growled, pulling her face up to look at him. His gloved fingers felt bruising, violent.

"Who the FUCK do you think you are?"

"I'm sorry! Please... you're hurting me," she cried.

He let her go, cursing violently, pacing the room before turning back to glare at her.

Suddenly he was chuckling, but it was a tired sound.

"I mean, Jesus-fucking-Christ! Cut my dick off! The motherfucking balls on you...Look, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you," his fingers graced her face gently and she winced.

"You can't fucking talk to me like that," she stared at him, absolutely terrified.

“If you want to leave this room, if you don’t want to be my wife... well, that’s a decision you need to make. I won’t force you. I said that from the beginning. This is an arrangement, if you don’t like it, we’ll change it. And, look, if I can afford to have a guard on you here I can have one on you out there. No one will touch you. I shouldn’t have fucking said that, but dammit if it ain’t the fucking truth. If you were on your own you wouldn’t last a day, little bird. But if that’s what you want to do than we need to change the deal we made.” He looked into her eyes for a long time and she swallowed hard, thinking of Daryl... and Carl... Judith. What was this man capable of?

“How about I go and pay Rick a little visit. I'll take Daryl. Will that make you happy?"

"Are you going to leave him there?" Her tiny voice asked.

"Daryl?" He chuckled. "C'mon now, you know the answer to that."

"Well, can you bring me?" She sat up and he smiled, a small smile.

"You haven't been very nice to me have you, darlin'? You haven't been a very good wife. I don't even know if you still want to be my wife from what you're saying. I think you need to stay here and think about what you want." He stood and kissed her forehead but she pulled away.

"You're punishing me?" She felt like a petulant child and she hated him.

"Well," he moved to the door and shrugged, with his signature grin. "Yeah."

He opened the door and it snapped shut behind him. A minute later Sherry came in, kneeling where Negan had just been. Her fingers touched her face and she winced again.

"He hit you?" Her voice was shocked.

"No...He grabbed me... I don't know. I was stupid. I provoked him." She couldn't stop her tears and covered her eyes. Sherry hugged her.

"Come with me. How would you like a nice warm bath?"

She was led one floor down to a locker room that had been re-purposed as a kind of spa/bathhouse for Negan's wives. After a long bath Sherry brushed her hair out.

"When will he let me see the other wives? And what will happen if I leave him?"

"Give it a few days. Things will settle down and I'll keep you company in the meantime, okay?" Ava nodded reluctantly and allowed Sherry to direct her back up to her room and into bed. "And I wouldn't consider the other options. You are an outsider here so your options will be a step above Daryl's. You have to earn your way. Negan decides quickly what skill-sets people have that he wants to capitalize. He wants Daryl to be a soldier. He wants you to be a wife. He's going to do what he has to, to get you both in line," she stopped herself, apologized.

"Just try to get a bit more sleep before you start the day. It's still early and Negan will be gone for a while. I'll be here when you wake up."


	9. An Oubliette

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After agreeing to play the role Negan has in mind for her, Ava is allowed to visit Daryl again but she isn't prepared for what she sees.

Chapter Nine: An Oubliette

Negan was gone for a good portion of the day but Ava was happy to spend the time with Sherry. She provided some advice and proved to be a wonderful distraction from her hours of captive tedium. It was the fourth day since she'd been taken from the clearing of horror and blood and loved ones... She shook her head slightly and tried to focus in on what Sherry was saying.

"With Negan, you don't want to give him too much. He'll turn on a dime... smart little quips, amusing comebacks, nothing too personal, that's the best way to deal with him."

"I just-I mean, I still have trouble... He killed them-" she stopped and swallowed hard. "I'm having trouble reconciling all this, I guess. But I don't seem to have a choice." Her fingers went up to brush across her bruised cheek.

"I mean, you do...but the alternate choice is... Ava, this place can be hard enough for people who have been here for a while, let alone an outsider. You could make your way. You could try. But it will be hard and you won't see Daryl anymore." Sherry said. "Look, in this place, in this world, you use what you have to survive. I'm not that strong or very practiced with weapons. I'm not good at killing people. But I am good at other things and I use every last asset I have at my disposal to survive. Every. Last. One."

A quiet rose around them and Ava hurried to fill it.

"Will he really castrate anyone who sleeps with... well, us... his wives?"

Sherry picked at the last of their dinner and pushed it away.

"No, castration is for rapists, although sometimes he just kills them outright. Rape is really abhorrent to him. What he has with his wives... I don't know, he considers it like a business arrangement. He won't force you. But if you are with him. You are with him. There is no part of the way... He burns those who cheat with his wives," her voice was dull. "On the face."

The silence stretched between them again and then familiar, heavy footsteps in the hall made them both tense before her door slamming open caused them to jump.

"Sherry, get out," Negan said. She stood quietly, glancing at Ava before hurrying out and shutting the door behind her.

She watched him drink the beer he was holding, glaring over the bottle at her as he did. She swallowed, glancing away, trying to somehow adjust to his sudden and overbearing presence, wondering and dreading what he was going to tell her about the people she loved.

"Aren't you going to ask me how my trip was?" He started toward her, slowly. "Aren't you glad I made it home safely?"

She forced herself to look up into his gaze, which always seemed to pierce her core. She tried to smile.

"Yes," she managed, "how was it?"

Negan took another sip and smiled slowly.

"Pretty good. I didn't have to kill anyone." She sighed with relief and he cleared his throat.

"That's not to say I haven't got bad news." Her stomach dropped but she tried to breathe and wait patiently as he took another swig.

"Well, I'm just going to come out and say it. The girl who looked like she was knocking on Death's door, well, He answered."

Her breath was forced from her by some unseen force. She closed her eyes... Maggie... An entire family, just...gone.

"I was going to ask her to come join you here. I thought it might be nice, having someone you knew, and I could tell she was mighty good-looking in spite of-" His voice trailed off as he looked at her.

"She was pregnant." She couldn't hide the disgust on her face, didn't even really try to.

"Well, I guess that just makes me even more of a sick fuck than you already thought, eh?"

She closed her eyes, tried to breathe.

"Listen, I've got to do rounds, give me a list of shit you want and I'll pass it along. I know you must be bored shitless in here," Negan finished his beer as she did what he instructed. She felt the numbness encroaching as usual. He gave her a kiss on the forehead and she realized she was crying. "I'll be back in a bit. Take some time to get yourself together, doll. I am sorry."

Then he left and she allowed the tears to take her, curling up on the couch. Maggie and Glenn had always been so kind to her. She remembered Maggie had caught her staring at the two of them whispering and kissing one night. She'd hurried away but Maggie had caught up with her later on and she'd apologized.

"I'm sorry, it's just... You don't see love like that very often anymore, ya know?"

"Yes, I do know. And don't apologize." Maggie had said with a smile.

Her anguish overtook her as more memories hovered to assault her but she forced them away. It was too fresh. She tried to compose herself. Negan would be back soon and she had to play her part. That had been made abundantly clear to her. She had to see Daryl again. She went to the bathroom and washed her face, tried to cover the redness around her eyes with a bit of makeup. Then she grabbed a romance novel and sat on the couch as she ate from a fruit and bread plate, awaiting his return. It didn't take long. He smiled as soon as he saw her.

"Feeling better?" He asked. He took off his scarf and hung it up.

"Yes." She said simply, continuing to read.

"Good," he said, sitting beside her and popping a muscadine into his mouth.

He swallowed the whole thing, pit and all, then said, "oh, little bird," reaching out to caress her face. "I am fucking sorry. This shit is all kinds of fucked up. Did you want to continue our conversation, from before?"

She closed her book as his gloved hand reached back along her neck, prompting her toward him very slightly, a suggestion.

"You are a sick fuck," she said, leaning into his hand, watching his smile grow.

"I've never argued with that fucking sentiment." His voice murmured as she turned her head, brushing her lips along the inside of his wrist. His fingers twisted in her hair, pulling her up toward him. She climbed over his lap and kissed him, losing her hands in his hair.

She pulled away and he chuckled his coy laughter as she began to kiss along his stubbled jawline and neck.

"It seems you've made your decision... again..." He said, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her up so he could kiss her. She melted into him, moaning against his lips, then slid down between his legs. His eyes glinted fiercely as she reached for his belt and fastenings. She saw him lick his lips when she pulled his cock free and for the first time saw just how large it was.

Still, she'd been pulled from the trees more than once and many men had sought to use her. She'd learned fast how best to please them and placate them; she found that absolute relaxation and exhaustion could do wonders in providing her an opportunity to end their cruel lives or at least sneak away. There were only so many sure ways to get a man to that point. She closed her eyes and tried to force those thoughts away. She tried to enjoy the feel of his hands in her hair. She took the head of his penis into her mouth and he jerked so eagerly she swallowed him whole without preamble, hearing a satisfied groan sound above her. She pulled back, creating generous suction, then allowed him to plunge forward. Before long he'd taken most of the control, thrusting roughly, and she took his cues, turning her head carefully, slowly, twirling her tongue and swallowing earnestly. It didn't take long for him to hold her firm against him. She increased her suction, swallowing the spurt of warmth as he jerked in her throat, gagging and nearly choking. He eased up and she suckled a few more times as he shivered, then pulled away, not surprised at all to see his brilliant smile.

"Damn, dollface! God damn," he buttoned his pants and stretched, pulling his coat off.

"Daryl was good today," he said, pouring some bourbon. She watched him carefully, too afraid to say a word and ruin everything again.

"And you," he chuckled and lifted his glass to her before drinking, "you were very good today."

He gave a playful jerk of his head as he winked and took another sip.

"How'd you like to meet him for breakfast in the morning?"

"That would be nice," she said carefully.

"Good girl," she watched him move about the room, slowly undressing before climbing into bed.

"Now how about you come to bed, little bird. I'd like to hear your song again." She smiled weakly, turned off the light, and obliged.

 

Negan was smiling even more than usual and his kiss lingered before he left in the wee hours of the morning for his rounds. She dressed, simply, in a black skirt that reached just above her knees and a plain white T-shirt. Ava frowned in the mirror at her reflection. She pushed her hair back and tried to breathe, to prepare herself for this day. The tiny bathroom was spinning and her eyes stared back at her terrified. She breathed.

Negan had given her more books and she read one as she waited, but her eyes kept flitting to the door. He wasn't gone long, as the sun was just rising outside her window when he came back. She jumped up, watching him remove his scarf, trying to hold herself still and calm. He looked at her and shook his head, chuckling.

"Alright, little bird, let's go."

She couldn't help smiling and hurried out the door ahead of him so he wouldn't see it. She'd never been so happy to smell such a damp and musty hallway. Negan led her past the room they'd previously visited, to the end of the hallway where a stark light hung over a single desk and chair in front of a sturdy door. Her eyes flew around, trying to take everything in. There was a stereo on the floor in front of the door, another corridor lurched into the darkness around the corner, lined with more doors. She watched Dwight take a key from his pocket and unlock the door. Negan pushed it open and went through.

"Oh, no... Come back here. You've got a visitor. Come on in, little bird," she looked at Dwight, horrified, but he wouldn't meet her eyes.

So she stepped into the shadowed room and her hand flew up over her mouth and nose. The stench was overwhelming, urine, blood, vomit and sweat all mingled into a corrosive, overbearing assault. Her eyes struggled to adjust to the dark and she stepped out of Dwight's way as he set up a candle, two sandwiches and two cups of water. She didn't see him until the candle was lit, crouched in the corner in oversized , horribly dirty gray sweats with an orange number 4 painted on the shirt.

Her hand started to fall and Negan made a sound of disapproval.

"Boy, this place is a mess! I can't have my wife sitting in this filth." He removed his jacket and set it on the floor next to one of the sandwiches. Then he bowed to her in an exaggerated fashion with his smirking grin and left, closing the door behind him.

Ava let out a savage scream and kicked Negan's jacket across the room before hurrying over to Daryl.

"Daryl..." he pulled away from her and she sank to her knees beside him.

"Daryl, please," her voice broke as she touched his hair, causing him to flinch.

Silence filled the room and she realized he was crying. She pulled his head against her, ignoring his protests. He sank into her and his arms came up around her hard.

"Why?" He sobbed and she rocked him and said reassuring things and hushed him. He grew silent and still, then asked again,

"Why?" He looked up at her and his swollen eyes broke her soul to pieces.

"Why are you still here?"

"He won't let me go," she breathed.

"But, his wife... he's using you," his voice broke.

"Daryl, just kneel, do what he says. The choice is between life and death."

"No!" His voice was savage and he pulled away from her. 

"I'll die before I break for him."

She looked at him, watching him roll the back of his head along the wall.

"Would you have me do the same?"

He stopped and looked at her and a horrible sound tore from him.

"If I said no, he would have used you to break me," her voice was pleading.

"Just like he's using you to break me!" He was screaming. He had never screamed at her.

He banged his head back against the wall fiercely and she reached forward quickly to stop him.

"He plays recordings..." horror slid over her face and he started to bang his head again, her too shocked to stop him.

"You call out his name," the tortured anguish in his voice seemed to make her heart shrivel up and dissolve into her bloodstream. She grabbed his head again, pressed her forehead against his.

"He made me," she breathed, but Daryl only sobbed in reply and tried to pull away. She placed both hands on each side of his face.

Daryl, you listen to me," she caught his eyes, held them. "I love you. I ONLY love you. You are all I think of; you are the reason I live. As long as you live I will do whatever it takes to live as well. I am going to get you out of here. Just don't give up on life. Please." She was whispering so soft she wasn't sure if he could hear her and at the end of it she was crying, but his eyes told her he understood.

Then he closed his eyes and her tears clouded her vision as she took in his swollen, bruised face. He reached into his waistband and and shoved a Polaroid into her hands and she saw that he had tears to match her own. She looked down and a broken sob crushed her breath away as an image of gore she couldn't remove from her thoughts assaulted her eyes. "Don't forget what he did." Daryl managed in a desperate voice. Ava dropped the picture and reached for his hands instead. 

"I just don't want it to happen to you."

The sound of the door slamming open caused her to fall back. She looked up to see Negan standing over her and scrambled to her feet. She grabbed his jacket and flung it in his face with a savage growl. He laughed, holding his mouth where the zipper hit him as Dwight led her from the room leaving him alone with Daryl.

"Don't touch me!" She screamed, yanking her arm from his grip.

"Don't you FUCKING touch me!" She was jabbing her finger in his chest and he had both hands up in a submissive gesture.

"I'm not," he shook his head and backed into the wall.

She screamed again, a broken noise, kicking the stereo with all the strength she could muster. It went skittering over the floor to collide into the wall where it shattered into pieces. Negan came strolling out of the cell and chuckled as he slammed his jacket against Dwight's chest.

"Come on, now, little bird. Are those antics really fuckin' necessary?"

"Fuck you, Negan." She didn't wait for him, turning to start back toward the stairwell, hearing him give a dramatic wince behind her.

"Get that shit cleaned off for me." He muttered to Dwight, before overtaking her with his long stride easily.

They continued up to her room in silence but she turned on him after opening her door, blocking his entry. He chuckled again, crossing his arms as he leaned in the frame.

"Oooh, you're MAD at ME, aren't you?"

She slammed the door in his grinning face.


	10. A Reminiscence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava turns to better memories of times with Daryl after discovering how desperate his situation truly is in Negan's Santuary.

Chapter 10: A Reminiscence:

Ava screamed, slamming her hand against the door where Negan's face had just been. Pain spiked through her fingers, only peaking her anger. She picked up a nearby vase of fake flowers and shattered it against the wall. She felt trapped and ineffectual and she thought she had been finished feeling this way. But she would never be finished. As long as she existed in this world with all of its sickness and cruelty and blood and death she would have to be afraid. Afraid of capture, afraid of pain, afraid of death, afraid of rising again to destroy her loved ones... She screamed again and overturned the table, along with the decanter of whiskey that usually sat on it and the glassware. Then she collapsed on the bed, sobbing.

Most of the men she'd come into contact with before had abused her in ways that made Negan's treatment seem civil, even easy. She'd been confined in crude camps, shacks, ruins, even a cave once. She'd been raped outright more times then she could count. In the nearly two years since the Fall she'd encountered men more often than not when she came across people, and they almost always saw only one use for her. Eventually, however, they would always grow compliant.

But Negan was different. His cunning was on a level she had never experienced. It was intimidating... downright terrifying when you factored in his psychotic, murderous tendencies. Then there was his charisma, which rivaled even her own appeal. His compound was huge and very well-secured, from what she could tell. It was the most militant, populated settlement she had encountered since the Fall. She didn't think there was any way she could sneak away, especially not with an armed guard on her all day every day. 

Only in the hospital had she ever felt so trapped and even then she'd managed to escape a few times. Unfortunately she was unable to hide in the city, packed with walkers and devoid of trees. She was always recaptured while fleeing the dead and she had always been punished thoroughly so she eventually stopped trying. She closed her eyes, trying to block out Grady. She sunk into the bed, sobbing, and tried to think of Daryl again instead.

She remembered the first time she'd seen him, staring intently as Lerner directed the prisoner exchange. Her eyes squeezed shut; like so many of her other memories, this one was tinged with horror, blood and tears. Beth's blood, Daryl's tears... She remembered how he had cradled the girl's lifeless body in his arms and wept. Her heart had broken completely for him in that moment. Noah found her then, and she had begged to leave with him and the group. It hadn't taken much and Carol vouched for her. 

Life had never seemed to stop after that. She barely had time to get to know the people in the group. They were always moving. They were always losing people. Tyrese, then Noah, all the others... or she always thought people were dead, like when Daryl didn't come back from drawing the herd away. Then she'd thought they were all going to die when the herd hit Alexandria... Her tears were coming hard and she let them come. It was too much, this world, this existence. The hits never stopped coming and they could never rest. It had been less than two years since the Fall but it felt like it had been a decade. She let the tears run their course, then tried to focus on actual happy memories.

Some of her favorite memories were when she and Daryl hunted together. In the beginning it had always been more separate and competitive than a joint activity. He would disappear into the brush while she swung up into the canopy . A few hours later they would meet in the same spot, their number of kills as a greeting. Daryl could sometimes bring down larger game like deer but Ava had him beat on the more plentiful small game. He was an excellent squirrel hunter but she was just as good, plus she had access to birds of every feather from her perches. Later they always hunted together, her right over his head. They teamed up to bring down a whole brace of ducks and geese one time.

Ava taught everyone in Alexandria how to render fat that week. She also taught them how to make their own pemmican, a food made in many native cultures from rendered fat, dried lean ground meat, dried fruits, roasted nuts and honey. They used a bunch of beef jerky they'd pilfered over time that they crushed into dust. It worked perfectly and the pemmican would last for months if it was stored properly. Plus it was absolutely packed with essential nutrients. She was still getting used to large groups of people but it was interesting for her to work with the residents of Alexandria.

Then there was the very first night they spent in Alexandria, and the first day. The trip there had been harrowing enough and she was exhausted, but once she was ensconced in a clean, soft bed with Carol beside her, she found that sleep alluded her. After a few hours of tossing and turning she'd given up with a sigh, grabbing her sleeping bag and sneaking out the back door quickly. There were no trees in the entire safe zone big enough to climb so she settled for spreading her bag on the grass beneath a tiny Japanese maple in the backyard. She laid back, watching the clouds drift in front of the stars, safe behind fortified walls. It should have felt like heaven but it only felt like another trap. 

A light foot, not quite light enough, touched on the grass nearby and she jerked up, reaching for the machete and handgun at her sides. Daryl smiled from the shadows, lurking forward as she relaxed her grip, put the weapons down. He stopped beside her sleeping bag, crouching, picking at the grass.

"What're you doing out here?"

"I could ask you the same question."

He smiled, looked up at the stars. She followed his gaze.

"Couldn't sleep."

"Same."

Another smile, then he climbed over her deftly and laid out on the grass next to her sleeping bag. They stared in mutual silence at the stars.

"I don't trust this place," she whispered.

"Same... but I'm sure Rick can handle it."

Ava responded with a sigh and turned over, he lifted his arm over her automatically as she laid her head on his shoulder. She felt his body tense, however. This was the closest contact they had ever had. After weeks, months, of traveling and hunting alongside each other they'd formed a bond. She'd felt an attraction to him from the beginning but he was incredibly aloof. Abraham hit on her constantly. Eugene, Carl and even Gabriel were like scared but obsessed puppies. Glenn was married and Rick was stoic on a level that could almost rival Daryl, but even they had caught her eye from time to time, appraised her when they thought she wasn't looking. 

Daryl would glance at her every now and again but it was like he was terrified of her. He used to jerk his hands away if he ever touched her accidentally. But they had grown comfortable with each other over time. He'd even held her when she cried after Tyreese died, just one awkward arm around her shoulder... even still that arm had muddled the pain a bit, if even for just a moment. She felt him relax beneath her and their breathing slowly fell into the same rhythm. She felt his hand pass gently across her back, closed her eyes, breathed in his scent of earthy pine, motor oil and masculinity, and fell asleep with his breath ruffling her hair.

She awoke the next morning alone but more rested than she had felt in weeks. Carol told her when she got inside that most of the group was exploring the settlement... everyone except Daryl, who was going to stay at the house.

"I need to go to the trees," she said, and Carol nodded. Those in the group had become accustomed to her eccentricities. 

"Be safe," she said shortly, then continued to get ready.

Ava hurried over the wall and made her way into the woods. She came back with six squirrels, two robins, three sparrows and a woodpecker, along with some elderberries, acorns, wild onions and cattail roots. She found the food store in Alexandria and managed to trade four squirrels, the woodpecker, and the sparrows for a loaf of bread and four beers. She hurried back to the house Aaron had directed the group to and went in quietly through the backdoor. 

It was odd cooking in a kitchen again. She'd been using the open flames of fire pits and rock ovens she buried underground. Still, she was pleased with the meal she managed to put together and the smell called Daryl down from upstairs. He straightened his shirt as he stumbled into the kitchen.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," she said as she finished out the plates and set one in front of him.

"Smells good," he mumbled, grabbing a fork and diving in.

They ate mostly in silence, him giving an occasional compliment, her acknowledging. After they finished he cleaned the plates and she pulled two beers out of the fridge.

"You didn't find those in the woods." Daryl said, turning a bottle gingerly on the counter.

"Another thing about this place that seems too good to be true. I traded for these."

Daryl took both bottles and opened them, then handed one to her. They drank and talked about their lives before the Fall. She never had much to talk about. She used to climb, hunt, forage and read, that was about it. Daryl never had much to say because he chose not to and often what he chose to tell her broke her heart. He'd experienced all the cruelty of the world before humanity even fell. 

"I didn't hate people until after," Ava was saying. They were both sitting on the floor with their backs against the wall in the dining room. She set aside her second empty bottle and realized she had a significant buzz. She broke a piece off the bread next to all of the empty bottles.

"They gave you a reason to," Daryl replied, reaching across her for some bread.

"They did," she breathed, suddenly aware of how close he was, that his movements were slowing down... but then he was pulling away. She put her hand on his arm to stop him, dropped the bread and reached for his face with the other, moving his hair aside. He hesitated slightly, then let out a small grunt as he bent closer to her. Their lips collided, sudden and insistent, grappling with each other. Her tongue pushed forward tentatively and his returned, bold and smooth; then he growled somewhere deep in his throat, biting her lower lip as he pulled away. He was still holding her face but she could see that he was listening intently and then suddenly she heard it too.

Before long Carol came in but she'd already managed to duck out the backdoor while Daryl stayed behind. She'd spent the rest of that day in a cloud of frustration, blowing off steam in the trees.


	11. An Outing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan takes Ava out for a tour of the Sanctuary.

Chapter Eleven: An Outing: 

Ava spent the rest of the morning alone and confined to her room as usual, lingering within her own memories. She tried to turn them into a conduit for escape but they only made her feel more trapped. Eventually she tried to read but she was even bored with that. A guard had come in to clean up the mess she'd made and leave a tray of food. She picked at it, hating her hunger for making her weak, hating her mind when she thought herself dumb for not realizing how easy she had it. It was too soon... too soon for this Stockholm bullshit to set in. 

She pushed the tray away and stared out the window. Her view was limited. She could see a dusty driveway right below her and the huge fence with barbed wire atop was a ways back. She could just make out one of the spiked heads, but she avoided it. The milling walkers below it were blocked out by a huge steel barricade. In the other direction she could see the edge of a field and, just barely, leaves. She stared longingly at those leaves, brown, just barely tinged with the reds, yellows, and greens of their youth. She tried to discern what kind they were... apple perhaps. They were somewhat long and tapered. They teased her at the edge of the window pane, like fingers beckoning. She hated them; she hated everything.

Negan interrupted her angry thoughts when he came in, earlier than usual.

"You still pissed?" He asked, grabbing a grape from her barely touched tray.

"You still an asshole?" She asked, glaring.

He smiled and offered her a beer; she took it, still glaring as she opened it.

"Come walk the grounds with me. It's still pretty early, not even noon. I think you could use some fresh air," his offered hand prompted her feet which seemed to be moving of their own accord. She would fly out of this room if he would allow it.

He led her out into the hallway and she was glad that he eased up his usual long strides as he drank his beer. She still wasn't used to the way people rushed to kneel before him as he led her through the factory hall. She tried to take in as much as she could while searching for Daryl. She couldn't find him and suspected with a sinking heart that he was still contained in that tiny dark hole in the wall. She saw that every exit was manned by a gun that kept tabs on who came and went. The factory was bigger than she had suspected with niches and alcoves tucked away that you wouldn't notice at first. The dining area was obvious, and the recreation area that had assorted games and tables. She could also see there was a canning area, and a place where clothing was made, or perhaps fixed... cleaned? There was also a lounging area and she even thought she saw a television, craning her neck but hurrying to keep up with Negan at the same time.They exited through a side door and she blinked as her eyes adjusted to the bright sunlight.

It was cold; Fall was beginning to wind down, dulling its bright colors. Soon Ava wouldn't be able to survive in the woods and there would be no leaves to camouflage her. As much as she hated Grady, she had been lucky to be there during the worst months of last winter. She was glad that she had chosen the woolen dress with long sleeves as Negan led her quickly around to the back of the compound. There she saw stretching before her row after row of open gardens and greenhouses, dotted with tiny shacks. There was a sophisticated water collecting and irrigation system in addition to solar panels glinting from the back wall along the treeline where the sun shone brightest most of the day. In front of the panels fields spread out, separated from the gardens by a line of chicken coups. The chickens roamed freely in enclosed yards around their coups and she saw that there were cows and goats dotting the wide fields. 

The wall along the treeline was mostly mesh wire fence, steel barriers and reinforced planks of wood all topped with barbed wire. There were man-made lookout towers set up intermittently, and she could see that each one had a gun. Negan started out into the gardens and she followed in a daze. It was so much bigger than she'd thought. She stared at a line of trellises full to bursting with grapes and muscadines, and nearby a whole row of fruit trees. Negan grabbed an apple and tossed it to her with a wink, finishing his beer and then tossing the bottle to a nearby man in a fluid progression of movements. The man caught it, even on his knees, then offered to take her empty bottle. She refused to hand it to him, although she didn't really know why, setting it on the ground and starting away with Negan.

He avoided the chickens, but let her pet the goats and cows.

"The chickens stink to high heaven but they are worth their weight in gold. We don't keep pigs, they carry too much disease and they'd stink the place up twice as bad anyway."

She leaned against the tiny fence that separated the cows, watching them chew lazily, jealous, somehow, of their simple existence.

"We've got a lot to fight for here and we've met a lot of people along the way. People that would gladly take what is ours. People who would kill each and every one of us for it. I've made it so they can't," his voice was low behind her. She closed her eyes on the grazing cows and the Polaroid in Daryl's cell loomed behind her lids.

"I built this place from the ground up. I fortified it, from the inside out. When twelve of my men are killed, and I actually discovered it was closer to THIRTY, I have to retaliate. How can I NOT?"

She held herself rigid as his angry voice rose. 

"You can question my fucking methods but they have kept hundreds of people alive, and not only that but working together, cooperating, fucking rebuilding. It takes just one greedy shit, one blind fool, to make it all come tumbling down from the inside. In this world we can't afford to start over. So I do what I have to, to keep that from happening." 

He walked up beside her and leaned against the gate as well, sighing as he stared out at the fields.

"I do what I have to," he repeated.

She stared at his profile in the bright sun, hating her mind for empathizing with his view. She closed her eyes again, forcing the image of the Polaroid to float back to the surface...forcing herself to remember what he was capable of. 

"We all do," she whispered, realizing he believed himself as wholeheartedly as she trusted her own words.

"Yeah. And you're doing what you have to. Don't forget that. I know this morning was rough, but it's the way it is. So. Do you have anything to say to me?" He asked, looking over at her.

She let the silence spiral, weighing her options for the millionth time and coming to the same conclusion. Her gaze shifted over to the shacks. They were awful structures, mostly compiled of mismatched wood, plastic and steel with no apparent insulation. They were tiny, one room perhaps two, and there was no running water. She could see outhouses set off to the side of the fields away from the panels. There were people everywhere, in the gardens and fields, among the shacks. Most looked ragged and scared, especially in Negan's presence, but there were guns among them... a lot of guns. There were a lot of women, but they were outnumbered by the men, who leered subtly at Ava. The only trees were fruit and nut trees, of mostly average to small size, and they were all planted well away from the wall. She looked back at Negan closely. 

He was so convinced his way was the only way and she could never be convinced to accept that.

"I told you, I could never love you while you hurt him.... What you're doing to him... What you've done," her fingers tightened on the fence. "I can't love you."

He turned and leaned back, resting his elbows atop the fence and hitching one of his legs. 

"Well, fuck, doll... I told you I understood that," his voice was lighter but he kept his face turned from her.

"But you've agreed to be my wife knowing what that entails. If you've changed your mind, other arrangements can be made for you," he turned to her then and she saw his clenched jaw and hooded eyes. She swallowed her fear before responding.

"Arrangements like Daryl's? A shack and a guard, right?"

His mouth twitched slightly but he didn't smile. His eyes shifted over toward the gardens.

"That one right there," he said, pointing. Her gaze followed his gesture to the line of shacks. "You could eventually work your way up from a shack, but I told you... you gotta earn your own here, one way or another... and who knows how long this arrangement will last? I'm hoping your boy Rick will get his shit in line, along with Daryl, and everything will be much easier, then. But yeah, you start in a fucking shack." She shook her head and glared when he looked back at her.

"I haven't changed my mind, Negan," she snapped.

Now he grinned at her and offered his arm.

"Good, then let's go inside."


	12. A Rejection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava continues to struggle with her role as Negan's wife, using memories of her past to distract herself.

Chapter Twelve: A Rejection

His hands had learned every inch of her body, it seemed, as if he played her to his whim. Her legs thrashed in the twisted sheets as she struggled against him and away from him at the same time. It was too much but she couldn’t get away from him and somehow, she didn’t want to. He seemed to be everywhere. She wrenched his hair and tried to press her legs closed but his beard slid against her inner thigh, inviting sharp teeth to punish her. His fingers continued to play where his mouth had abandoned her and she forced the pillow down harder against her face as she moaned in response. She managed to drown out her voice which she couldn't control beneath his ministrations. His mouth slowly traveled down to its previous handiwork, joining his fingers to fondle her until she was nearly suffocating herself with the pillow. She gasped when it was suddenly pulled from her face.

"Breathe, little bird," Negan's voice purred as his grin swam in her view.

She followed his instruction, trying to control herself. Then he forced another gasp as he flipped her around on her stomach. His hands on her back made her lose her caught breath. She buried her face in the mattress and blankets as her cries tore loose. His hands continued to massage her neck and back as she squirmed beneath his touch. He moved down, slowly, gripped her hips and then suddenly jerked her down so her legs hung over the edge of the bed.

She cried out and couldn't prepare as his hands parted her buttocks and allowed his hard penis to slide between them. For a terrifying moment she thought he would force himself upon her anally but he continued to slip down, plunging deep and hard within her other entrance. She writhed and screamed, forcing her face down as he began to thrust fast, his hands bruising on her hips. His grunts rose louder behind her as he continued to pump forcefully, his fingers digging deeper and deeper into her flesh. 

Then he was flipping her around again, leaning over her as he lined up and plunged forward once more. His hands were suddenly firm on top of hers, their fingers interlaced so she couldn't move them. His face was right over her as he thrust harder, faster, his eyes glinting. She bit her lip hard as her climax tore free, thankful for his solid shoulder which she muffled her cries against. The sound of his chuckle, deep and rumbling, hitched in the back of his throat like a southern twang, breaking through his labored breathing. She hated that sound... that sound always reminded her of that horrible night drenched in blood and fluorescent glow. That sound was as signature to Negan as his brilliant grin or terrifying bat. She pulled away from him and reached for her undergarments and dress.

"See, now I'm late. The trucks will be here any minute," he skipped his post-coital cigarette, but didn't seem to hurry to get dressed.

Ava watched him, hating herself for admiring his physical appeal... hating him.

"Do you think we could have lunch outside?" She watched a small smile twitch at the side of his mouth.

"You enjoyed your outing today?" He asked.

"I really did."

"Well, I think I can arrange something," he walked over to her, kissed her forehead, then bent her face up so he could kiss her deeply.

"Have a good day, love," he said with a wink.

She watched him go and she hated him. She crawled back into bed and tried to escape within her memories again.

*~*~*

Three days after they arrived in Alexandria, she and Daryl were out hunting together for the first time since their arrival at the Safe Zone. It was also the first time since the kiss. She watched him stalk slowly below her, admiring the way he moved so naturally in the forest. A rustle in the leaves brought her attention back to the task at hand. She readied her slingshot, had the squirrel in her sight, and watched an arrow go through its head.

"One," Daryl's voice was low but amused.

"Oh?" She yanked the arrow free and tossed the rodent into her sack. "You aren't the one with a body."

Daryl smirked and she left him, ducking through the branches. She sent birds flying and knocked three from the sky. They crashed through branches and thudded to the ground. She retrieved two but Daryl beat her to the last one. She dropped from a branch at his feet where he snatched up the carcass before she could reach for it. She smiled up at him, twirled his arrow.

"Trade?" He smirked again, tossing the bird and swiping his arrow in one quick motion. She smiled again, took a step closer to him, but he side-stepped her and continued on.

"You didn't like the kiss," she said softly, tucking the bird away and feeling hurt in a way she never had. Rejection was alien to her.

Daryl continued walking until he got to a large oak and leaned against it. She followed, sitting in the fallen leaves against the trunk. He started cleaning under his nails with his knife.

"I liked it," he finally said.

She looked up at him but his hair was hiding his face.

"I liked it too much..."

She let the silence drag a bit.

"I don't get it... What? You don't want to like it?"

"No!" Daryl pushed away from the tree, angry, and paced back.

"No, I don't wanna like it. Look, Ava," he stopped, looking down at her. "I know, I mean, I've learned that you need people to survive in this shit. I can't tell you how many times I thought to go on my own, but-"

He turned to lean against the tree again, pushing his hair back.

"You can't make it on your own. You need people. But people die, Ava. And I know they're gonna die. But I know I need them. It's all fucked up and I try not to get too close."

He sighed, shaking his head.

"What you're asking, well, that's just about as close as you can get."

She closed her eyes, nodded, tried not to let the disappointment spread.

"I understand," she said, after a moment. "I just think you're missing out."

"Of course I am. But I'm just trying to survive."

She bit her lip, almost held herself back, but failed.

"But this life is so brutal, Daryl and like you pointed out, oftentimes short. You need to take your happiness when you can. It doesn't come often. Do you know... Daryl," she almost stopped again, but barreled through.

"Daryl, I have never even been able to chose who I want to be with before. It's always been forced. I chose you." Her voice was small at the end of her statement.

"Dammit, Ava," his voice was clipped. "Dammit!" He slid down the tree.

"You think I don't want you?" He looked over at her, shook his head, letting his gaze fall. "I can't, Ava. I can't do what I need to do, for these people... for you. I can't do what I have to do if I'm thinkin' about you, if you're in my head. I can't do it."

"Okay." She stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, softening her touch with a pat. "Okay, Daryl. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you. Look, we're good. We're still us, right?" She dropped her hand, nudged him playfully with her shoulder.

He sighed. "We're still us." He nudged her back.


	13. A Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise visitor shows up at the Sanctuary.

Chapter Thirteen: A Surprise

Ava woke up an hour or so after Negan left with memories of Daryl spinning. She heard a commotion in the hall, footsteps and voices. She hurried out of bed and into her flats before pressing her ear against the door. She didn't hear anything after a few minutes of listening so she went into the bathroom to brush her teeth and hair. It wasn't long before she heard the door. She dropped her brush and quickly went into the room, only to stop dead in her tracks.

"Good afternoon, little bird. We got a surprise visitor today." Negan was grinning from ear-to-ear but she hardly noticed.

"Carl," her voice choked and tears filled her eyes. She rushed over to hug him, trying to convince herself he was real. He was solid, though, and his arms came up hard around her. He seemed bigger than before but it hadn't even been a week.

"Easy with the hands on my wife there, pal," Negan said, laughter in his voice. She felt Carl jerk in her arms and heard the thud of Negan slapping him on the back.

Carl stiffened and pulled away, a look of confusion and disbelief in his gaze.

"Your wife?" His voice was soft.

"Well yeah! Ava and I struck a pretty good deal here. In fact, Ava is probably the only reason you're fucking alive, now that I think about it. You see, I don't like killing boys your age, but when you up and kill two of my motherfuckin' men... Well, it's hard to consider you a child when you do something like that." Negan's voice grated against her buzzing mind; her stomach dropped.

"What are you-Please, Negan... You promised." She swallowed hard and closed her eyes, breathing slowly.

"Please," she repeated, looking straight into his eyes, holding his dark glare. He took a few steps forward so that he was right in front of her.

"Anything for you, darlin'," he said, kissing her lightly. She sighed and looked down.

"Relax!" He slapped Carl on the shoulder again. "My little bird has your back."

"But, all those other women..."Carl was blushing slightly, looking down, his hair falling in front of his eye. It was odd, she'd seen him kill dozens of walkers, and a few people, and she'd heard stories that made her respect him more than most men. It was easy to forget that he was so young. But he had little to no experience with girls and Negan was presenting him with a wholly uncharted territory: an entire harem of women at his disposal.

"Yeah, they're all mine little man. You see, I always wanted more than one wife. Figured, why not, when the world ended." He winked and took a swig of the beer he was holding.

His chuckle filled the room and Ava closed her eyes as chills racked her spine.

"Two men... Two-fucking-men! Shit!"

He sat down in one of the chairs and motioned to the couch in front of him. Carl moved stiffly to sit and Ava sat in the chair beside Negan as he winked at her and patted the cushion. Negan drank his beer again as he looked between them.

"Honestly, I am impressed with this kid, dollface. He hid in the back of my truck and killed TWO of my men. THEN, he called for my fucking head!" His chuckle, coy and lilting, filled the room again, grating her nerves. Negan chugged the rest of his beer as he appraised Carl.

"Alright, I can't do it anymore," he said suddenly. "It's like I'm talking to a birthday present."

He motioned to the bandage over Carl's eye.

"C'mon, take it off," he went on, "I want to see what Grandma got for me."

Carl was taken aback.

"No," his voice was softened by disbelief.

Negan's smile disappeared, his eyes darkened and his jaw clenched.

"TWO MEN!" He barked the words and Ava and Carl both flinched.

Carl's eyes flitted between Negan and Ava, then he took a deep breath and began to remove his bandage. Ava felt her hate for Negan swell, watching a single tear slide down Carl's cheek as he revealed the gutted pit of his right eye.

"Oh, man!" Negan recoiled. "That shit is gross! I mean, seriously... Ugh! I can see your socket! I mean, have you looked in the mirror? Have you actually seen this shit? C'mon, let me touch it..."

Carl began to cry more and Ava moved to the couch by his side, glaring at Negan who actually began to look guilty.

"Look, I'm sorry... the kid's so tough... I forget how young he is." He dropped his gaze. "Seriously, kid, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"It's fine," Carl dropped his head, allowing his hair to fall in front of his ruined eye.

"But that shit looks fucking awesome. Really. I wouldn't even cover it up if I were you. You look like a fucking badass." 

They were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Come in." Negan seemed annoyed.

A very large man came in carrying the bat, Lucille. 

"Sorry to interrupt you, sir. But you left Lucille down by the truck."

"Really? I never do that. I guess the kid had me a bit distracted."

The man passed the bat over to Negan and he held it lovingly before looking up at his Savior with that dangerous, but playful smile.

"Fat Joseph," his gloved hand continued to stroke Lucille. "You brought her all the way up here for me?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did you treat her good?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did you treat her like a lady?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did you pet her pussy good?"

He winked at Ava, patting the bat as Joseph faltered and looked confused.

"I'm fucking with you! Bats don't have pussies." He flicked his tongue as he continued to look at her, and the Savior chuckled nervously.

"Get the fuck out of here." He said, suddenly dark. Fat Joseph hurried to exit.

"See, guy talk," he said to Carl, ignoring Ava's disgusted glares. "You see, this is the kind of shit your old man should be teaching you."

Carl kept his gaze down, glaring at the bat.

"Let's see... What do you do for fun?" Negan went on, inviting a flabbergasted look from Carl.

"You like music?" Carl didn't respond.

"Why don't you sing me a song?" Carl swallowed, looking over at Ava, but Negan went on.

"You mowed down two of my men. Sing. Me. A. Song." Carl continued to struggle, but Ava touched his back, gently, and he started, quietly singing the lullaby, "My Only Sunshine."

Negan proceeded to swing his bat around the room viciously, telling Carl not to get distracted. She twitched every single time he swung, and Carl twitched at the most violent swings. Afterward he prompted Carl to recall his mother's horrifying death. Ava could only sit in shock. His cruelty was constantly surprising her. Still, at the end of it all, he appeared truly impressed with Carl.

Eventually he prompted them both to stand. "Come on, get up."

"The iron should be ready."


	14. An Iron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava and Carl are introduced to the harsh customs of the Saviors.

Chapter Fourteen: An Iron

Negan led Ava and Carl through to the main factory building where it seemed as though every Savior in existence was awaiting his arrival. They were lining every single catwalk and stairway. There were so many of them. Her mind spun as she tried to count them, to gather some estimation, but it was impossible in such an enclosed space with so many crammed in. Negan started out on the highest catwalk as the two of them hung back. They were forced down on the ground as everyone else rushed to kneel and Negan started banging Lucille on the railing as he walked across the top of the huge space.

"You know what's about to happen. It's not going to be easy to watch and I don't want to do it. But you know why it has to be done?" His voice carried across the vast space easily and a chorus of Saviors answered him without hesitation.

"The rules keep us alive."

Negan nodded darkly.

"We survive. We provide. We bring civilization back. But we can't do that without the rules. I know it ain't easy. But if you try to skate it," he was yelling now. "If you try to CUT. CORNERS... It's the iron. On your feet."

She and Carl were prompted to their feet again and they hurried to follow Negan across the long catwalk and over to a separate area in the back where she had never been. As they descended several stairs she spotted a gigantic industrial furnace which was open and steaming, red hot... and in front of it there was a man in a chair with his arms tied. Just as she was trying to process this new scene of horror that Negan had created she saw Daryl, standing a few feet back from the seated man, holding a mop. He saw her and Carl, almost started toward them but stopped himself. Negan passed in front of him as they hung back again, blocked by some guards. Sherry moved up beside her, but she didn't say a word or even glance at her. 

"D," Negan said simply, reaching for a large pair of blacksmith gloves. 

Dwight, who was already wearing his own pair of gloves, took up a long metal hook he was holding and used it to remove a large iron from the blazing furnace. It swung slightly and Negan reached to take it up in his gloved hand with ease, as if it were a tool he was entirely familiar with, and Ava knew from stories that he was. The iron glowing red-hot in his grip, he hastened to lift it up against the seated man's face without further preamble. The crackling hiss of cooking flesh seared instantly across the room. 

Ava's hands flew up to cover her mouth and nose automatically but the smell of burning skin, akin to pork, savory but sweet, wafted into her senses regardless. Her stomach heaved and she turned away as the man's horrible screams of agony echoed throughout the warehouse. Carl continued to watch, prompting her to gaze back just as Negan pulled away, bringing with him strings and globules of flesh. Vomit rose to the back of her throat but she forced it back down, refusing to cause Daryl any more of a need to use his mop than the puddle forming between the now unconscious man's feet. Carl was looking away now and his face was ashen.

"Clean that up." Negan said shortly, after putting the iron down, glancing at Daryl as he removed his gloves.

Then he snapped his fingers at Ava and Carl and started back up the stairs. They followed Negan to his room and Ava tried to control her fluttering breath and heart, to calm her trembling hands and legs. She still felt like she was going to vomit but she was trying desperately not to think of that. When they were all back in his room sitting in silence, Negan proceeded to write in a three-ring binder she'd seen a couple of times before, as if he hadn't just burned a man's face off. Ava tried to distract herself with abnormalities in the paint on the wall, clouds outside the window, the odd way the plastic bunched on Negan's binder. She tried to imagine what he was writing. She assumed it held ledgers and kept track of his aforementioned point-system. Carl sat awkwardly in front of him and next to her, tense with terror at first. She could see that as the time progressed his terror morphed into anger, however, although the tension remained.

"What are you going to do? Kill me?" He suddenly said, the fury obvious in his voice.

"You think I should?" Negan asked after staring up at him for a moment.

"I think you have no idea who you're dealing with. You have no idea what we're capable of!"

"Now, that's the little psychopath I LOVE to see!" Negan said, laughing as he closed his binder. Carl pushed up from the couch violently as he continued in a shouting voice.

"We will kill you! We will kill ALL of you!"

Ava's breath quickened as she watched Negan's face darken. He glanced over at her, shaking his head slightly as he scoffed.

"You believe this kid?"

"Please, Negan..."

"Oh, calm the fuck down. I'm going to take the little shit home. Give dear old dad a couple of fucking pointers..." He slammed the binder down on the table and started moving around the room, agitated, grabbing his scarf and bat.

"Do you think I could come?" She asked, desperate.

"Fuck no! I got enough on my plate. You'll go back to your room and be happy I didn't kill the fucking kid, okay, little bird." She closed her eyes on her own anger as it flared in response to his dismissal and turned to Carl.

"Be calm," she said softly, hugging him, holding him, wishing, somehow, she could keep him.

"Alright, let's go. I don't have all fucking day." Negan pulled Carl from her and then suddenly he was there, holding her and her anger was flaring up again.

"You be good, little bird," he prompted her face up and kissed her, harder and deeper than usual, his hand reaching around to cup her buttocks firmly.

And then Carl was peering at her one last time as he was whisked out the door. Ava just sat on the couch shaking, that familiar, buzzing numbness rising fast as she closed her eyes. Images of burnt flesh, stretching thick and viscous, assaulted her. She sobbed, gagged, jerked forward off the couch onto the floor. More images continued to writhe in her mind, though, and these worse... Carl getting his head bashed in by the vicious Lucille. Her sobs broke and teetered on hysterics before dissolving into a manic, empty laughter as she collapsed in a heaving mess. She wiped her face on her dress, staring at the pattern on the carpet and realizing suddenly that it was different... That it wasn't her room.

Negan had told her to go back to her room but her had left and forgotten to escort her... What else had he forgotten? She scrambled to her feet and rushed through his room, searching every single drawer. There were cigarettes, cigars, clothes, cards and tiny bottles of alcohol. There were magazines, pictures, a camera, some pins... Nothing she could use. She searched every vase and turned the bathroom upside down but there was nothing. She even searched the mattress. Finally, winded, she pushed her hair back and sat back on her heels, staring at the closed door. 

What else had he forgotten?


	15. An Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava manages to escape her room in an effort to get to Daryl.

Chapter Fifteen: An Escape

Ava hurried over to the door and pressed her ear against the wood. She couldn't hear anything. She dropped to the ground, peering under the sill. She couldn't see anything. Slowly, quietly, she turned the knob and pulled the door open. The hallway was empty. Her heart pounding, without pausing to think, she flew down the hall, quiet as a whisper. Down the stairs she floated, carefully, slowly, ducking to peer around each corner. She made it all the way down to Daryl's hall. She even managed to sneak into the first room Negan had arranged her to meet Daryl in. A quick sweep found a knife and an extra radio, which were used by all of the Saviors. But then, as was inevitable, someone caught her when she was creeping back into the hall... Someone she least expected.

"Jesus!" She nearly yelled, but managed to contain her voice to a loud whisper. His hand came over her mouth nonetheless as he peered around, but he was smiling.

"Ava! I can't believe I found you," he whispered.

She was so happy to see him that she was going to hug him, and she almost didn't hear the footsteps. Her hunting-trained ears screamed at her, however. She jerked Jesus around, shoved the radio in his chest and pushed him into the room she'd come out of. She closed the door just as someone came around the corner near Daryl's chamber.

"What the fuck are you doing down here?" Dwight rushed down the length of the hallway. She clutched the knife, nearly rose the blade to plunge it into his temple...

"You have to let him go." She said instead.

He stopped short, laughing, but the smile slid from his face as he looked at her.

"If you ever want to be free of him, you have to let Daryl go."

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about," he grabbed her arm, yanking her around and forcing her back toward the stairs.

"Oh, no... I know exactly what I'm talking about. I sleep with that monster most nights. I know about Sherry... about her sister." Dwight jerked her roughly through the door to the stairwell.

"You don't know shit!" He pushed her toward the steps but she caught herself deftly, careful to keep the knife from his view.

"Daryl told me, so did Sherry." She started up, feeling him close behind her.

He growled in anger and she felt his hands grab her shoulders just as she reached the top. He turned her around and forced her into the wall of the tiny landing.

"Daryl don't know shit. None of ya'll know shit!" Spittle flew from his mouth but she didn't flinch.

"No, Dwight. You don't know shit about _us_ ," she said coolly, leaning her body toward him slightly. He jerked away from her as if she were fire.

"You like living this way? You like being a fucking slave? Fine. All we need is a little boost. Just let Daryl go and it will be the first step toward your freedom." She shoved him roughly away from her then and he stumbled back, allowing her to lead him back up to her room.

"I'll even take the fall." She muttered under her breath, before slamming the door in his face.

Ava pressed her forehead against the solid wood, closed her eyes, breathed. She crossed the room then, quickly, gazing out the window. Aside from a few Saviors milling about in the side lot, she could see nothing. Her fingers pressed against the cool glass and she pleaded desperately with some unknown force, destiny, fate, God... anything.

"Please, Daryl..." She sobbed, and then she quickly hid her pilfered knife before collapsing into a chair as thoughts of him assaulted her. She remembered the first day he came back with Morgan, the day he and Aaron had nearly died...

*~*~*~*

She, Tara, Sasha and Carol were sharing a house in Alexandria at the time. She and Carol had always gotten along well, so they shared a room. They were both loners, women who had been changed profoundly by the Fall, but also emboldened. All of the others beside Ava had been out, trying to commune in the Safe Zone. She was having a difficult time assimilating, however, and often spent time hunting in the woods. She had been hunting alone more often than not as well, since the kiss with Daryl. She jumped when he came storming in the door and into the kitchen, covered in sweat, blood and walker guts. She was elbow deep in blood and guts herself but they were only squirrel guts. Daryl glared at her, his nostrils flaring. He pivoted to leave, then turned back.

"I told you." He finally said, pointing at her and raising his eyebrows. "Do you even know what's goin' on out there? Did you even hear the gun shot?" He threw his words angrily, pivoting and pacing.

"What the hell are you talking about, Daryl? Are you okay? What happened? I assumed there was a walker... I didn't hear another one." She wiped most of the blood from her forearms with a nearby towel and started toward him.

He stopped her with a glare.

"I told you I ain't gonna do this with you in my head. I can't! You're in my goddamn head, Ava! I CAN'T do this! Shit is goin' off outside your door and you don't even care 'cause you can't stand people. How come you don't care? And why the fuck do I care so much. Goddammit, Ava."

She stared at him, put the towel down and washed her hands carefully with soap and water, allowing him to continue to pace.

"Do you want me to leave?" She finally asked as she dried her hands.

Daryl stopped short, staring, dumbfounded.

"No! Jesus! Do you even care that Rick shot Pete? He just fuckin' killed him."

"Did you even know that Noah died? I've known him the longest..." She stopped and Daryl continued to look at her as his face fell. "I know it's hard to let people in, believe me. I know. But I don't fucking trust these people, Daryl. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Pete is dead but you know who I do trust? Rick. You. I trusted Noah. And yeah, he's gone and it hurts but that doesn't mean I'm going to just block the rest of you out like you're accusing me of doing and like you want so fucking badly."

"But I fuckin' can't! You're there. You're in there..." He stopped, bracing one arm on the island opposite her as he tapped his temple with the other hand. The look in his eyes was nearly desperate. "What is this?" He pleaded.

She laughed slightly, leaning back against the counter top.

"Welcome to being human, Daryl. It sucks. I don't know what to tell you."

"You think this is funny? I almost died, Aaron-"

"And that's my fault? That isn't fair, Daryl. You care about me, okay? Sorry, but I care about you too. You're going to have to deal with it and figure it out. You tried to avoid it and that obviously didn't work out too well." She still had a tinge of dull laughter in her voice and Daryl grew annoyed.

"It ain't fuckin' funny."

"It is, a little bit. You're the silly twit who thought keeping your distance would just stop your feelings... It's a little bit funny."

He stared again, then he walked around the island, his strides long and determined. He stepped up to her and she gasped slightly as he reached for her face and kissed her, soft but powerful, then proceeded to lift her easily up onto the counter. He was all intensity and survival, tasting of sweat and blood and dirt, his hands on either side of her face so his kiss could claim her wholly. Then they came down to grip her shoulders fiercely as he moved his body even closer and she wrapped her legs around him as he reached for her waist.

She wanted to pull every bit of him closer to her somehow... and then suddenly he was lifting her again, carrying her from the kitchen as she clung to his hips with her thighs. He made it to the stairs, then stumbled, turning just in time to catch the fall against his back with a grunt. She straddled him, laughed as she sat up, then removed her shirt and bra. Daryl looked up, his face aching, then he grinned ferociously, kissing her again as they both worked to remove his shirt. He moved his lips down to suckle her breasts and neck, then he stood, pulling her up with his sheer strength and continuing up the stairs.

They hurried to remove what was left of their clothing in the bathroom, stumbling into the huge shower with laughter and sighs and kisses. The steaming water was rivaled by their hot breath as they devoured each other. She washed every bit of grime from his flesh tenderly and thoroughly before grasping his hard cock, which curved up against the flat muscled plain of his lower stomach. She dropped to her knees and took him into her mouth. He jerked, bracing himself against the wall as she started off slow, continuing to use her slick soapy hands. The hot water rushed in the wake of her working mouth and hands and she used it to create a steady rhythm, in tune with her suction. Then, all at once, she stopped, prompting him to take over. He did, plunging forward desperately into her eager throat.

Daryl growled then, pulling her up, lifting her easily again even though they were both dripping and soapy. She hitched her backside up and felt his penis slide within her, smooth and hard, and they both sighed. He braced her against the wall and she clung to him as he began to move within her, slow at first as they found their balance. She twisted her fingers in his hair and kissed him hard as his thrusts increased and deepened. Another growl, she moaned his name, he bit her lip and then he was fucking her against the wall in earnest as they both called out into the careless void of climax.

He thrust forward a few more times as he kissed her, then gently let her feet back down on the ground. He turned off the water and handed her a towel, kissed her again.

"Ava, I don't-I mean... I ain't never done this before," he seemed shy suddenly and she smiled, shaking her head as she pressed her brow to his.

"Neither have I." She said, and kissed him passionately again.


	16. A Violation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava rankles beneath Negan's hold and her bold words escalate his promptly shortening temper.

Chapter Sixteen: A Violation

It was dark by the time Negan came back and Ava had already had a dinner she wouldn't touch brought, been taken down for a bath, and returned back to her room. Dwight had been sure to keep a guard on her and there hadn't been another lapse. She felt like her ears were tuned to every distant sound in the compound, waiting for an alarm to be sounded, hoping... but it never was and she felt defeated by the time the knob turned and Negan came in.

"Evening, little bird! Did you miss me?"

She glared at him from the couch, flipping the page in her book with a flare of annoyance.

"Don't you have like twelve other wives?" She scoffed, rolling her eyes as she looked back down.

"Damn, hello to you too." He started toward the decanter. "What the fuck has got your panties in a twist? I didn't kill the little shit for your sake." He continued as he poured a glass of whiskey, looking her over.

She only shook her head and continued to read, not even bothering to glance at him.

Negan chuckled, low and empty, shaking his head. "You know... I have had a _shit_ day today dealing with your fucking people. I expected for you to be a tad more... subdued. That was your first iron."

She let the silence stretch out for a bit before looking up finally. He had turned to her and was watching her as he drank his whiskey. He'd shaved his beard and somehow didn't look as fierce.

"You think your Genghis Khan shit is so original?"

He was taken aback for a moment, a rare occurrence. Then his chuckle filled the room and he took another drink, smacking his lips dramatically before he grinned.

"I met little Judith today," he said, grinning even more.

The numbness swept down on her, but she only narrowed her eyes.

"Now I see why you really made our little deal." He chuckled more and it was lighter now. "I really do lay on the theatrics, I fucking know it... But you really think I would hurt that precious little girl?"

"I really have no idea what you are capable of." She said, and it was one of the only times she had been truly honest with him, but it was lost on him as he put his drink down and swaggered over to her with a teasing grin.

"C'mon, now, little bird. I think you have begun to get an excellent fucking idea what _I'm_ capable of." She glared at him with disgust as he stood over her.

"Fuck you, Negan." She spit the words with as much venom as she could muster. 

"Oh, no..." he began, continuing to smile as he started toward her. "No, no, no, little bird. I plan to have it the other way around."

She threw her book in his face. He easily blocked it, chuckling more, and grabbed her firmly by the nape of the neck, gripping her hair as he pulled her up from the couch.

"Why don't you go find one of your other wives to fuck?" She said, hitting him violently, but he blocked every blow, then toppled her over the couch onto the bed.

"I don't want to fuck my other wives. You're fiery tonight, doll, and I've had a long goddamn day. I think you fit my mood just fucking fine."

She screamed in frustration as he walked calmly around the couch, scrambling off the bed to attack him again but he stopped her, holding her arms as he laughed more.

"What the fuck are you doing, dollface? What, do you want to hit me? All you're gonna do is bruise your pretty little hands." His laughter increased along with her ineffectual struggling.

"FUCK YOU, NEGAN!" She screamed in frustration.

"NO!" He wrenched her hair back again, pulling her close so her hands were trapped between them.

"Fuck you, Ava." He kissed her then and she bit his lip as hard as she could, drawing blood.

He let out a roar of anger, pitching her back suddenly as his hand in her hair twisted. They both collapsed on the bed, with him holding her firm underneath his huge body. He had her hands pinned firmly and a bloody smile on his face... He was so strong.

"See? You like it rough sometimes, too, don't ya, little bird?" He ground his pelvis against her and she kicked her legs violently.

"I fucking hate you!" Tears spiked at the corners of her eyes.

"Oh, c'mon now..." He wrenched her arms up over her head and held them there with one hand before reaching down with the other.

His hands slid her nightgown up and reached beneath her panties.

"You're soaking wet, dollface!" He reached further, pressing his fingers inside of her. She closed her eyes. She did hate him.

He continued to hold her hands and she couldn't fight him as he began to remove her underwear.

"I hate you," she sobbed, jerking one hand free while he was distracted and hitting him solidly a few times before he contained her again, laughing.

"You ain't the only goddamn one and you aren't the only one to let me know it, today, either." He said, husky, rubbing his hard cock against her before pushing it within her. She could feel her body, slick, accepting him, defying her. "You know I had to kill someone today?"

"Please, Negan..." She was crying, her arms wrenched in his grasp as his penis thrust hard, too deep, too soon. She wasn't ready and her breath was forced out.

"Don't worry, I'm a man of my word. I took the boy home. I even made him dinner... Can you smell what we had?" Negan purred in her ear.

"Please, Negan, just tell me what you did! Please, stop this!"

"We had spaghetti. No big deal... Oh, you mean who did I fucking kill?" He laughed again, driving into her solidly a few more times before he continued.

"Don't worry, you probably didn't like him... Spencer." She closed her eyes because there was truth in his words. She had always disliked Spencer. "You see! I fucking knew it."

"Fuck you, Negan." She felt utterly defeated.

"Oh... No, little bird. That is only _half_ of the shit day I had. Lucille got fucking shot today... you have no idea," his low chuckle no longer held any mirth. It was cruel and dark. "So _I'm_ going to be the one doing the fucking tonight. You talk to me like that again and I'll show you just how rough things can get when I need to teach my dear wife a lesson."

"Fuck you!" She screamed the words without thinking and Negan thrust hard in response, growling as he jerked to the side. She cried out, pain lacing her voice, but her nerves sang. 

"No, Ava, fuck you!" His voice hit a pitch that struck through her entire body. "Fuck. You." He continued to repeat the words over and over, pounding her body until she felt like she couldn't move, even if he weren't holding her in place.

He got off her then, violently, and reached for her hair again, pulling her up and against him. She realized he was fully clothed, his pants had only been opened.

"You belong to me." He said, shaking her slightly, bringing forth a whimper. "Do you understand?"

She nodded, but his hand tightening in her hair made her stop and whimper again.

"Fucking say it." She sobbed and slumped against him and his fingers tore flames along her scalp as he shook her more. "SAY IT!"

"I am yours." She sobbed.

He released her to collapse on the bed, then closed his pants and left the room, slamming the door behind him.


	17. An Exchange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava faces Negan's wrath when the alarm sounds at the Sanctuary.

Chapter Seventeen: An Exchange

The next day Ava checked the bruises along her wrists, cleaned her tear-stained face, and got dressed. The aftermath of Negan's treatment the night before was settling over her like a familiar specter, haunting her, crawling on her skin. Feelings of weakness, self-loathing, disgust and anger wrapped around her, old confidants. She held them close, became reacquainted, tried to convince herself they didn't own her. She shook as she stared at the mirror, thinking of the knife hidden underneath the dresser, wedged in the wood... She could just wait for the next time he was sleeping and jam it into his brain...

She hurried out when she heard the door but it was only a guard bringing her breakfast. She heard his radio blare as he was leaving, though.

"We got Orange. I found Joey in the cycle bay. Get D down here quick," a voice said, before the man cut it off and hurried out. She left her breakfast untouched as she crossed to the window. It appeared as though there was more activity milling about. She watched, trying to discern movements, to see panic, hoping she didn't create it in her own mind. It didn't take long for her questions to be answered, though.

Her door banged open and she jumped back from the window. Negan stormed in and had her by the neck instantly, cutting off her airway and pushing her back against the cold glass.

"What the fuck did you do?" He was yelling at her, but she couldn't respond; she couldn't even breathe.

"What the FUCK did you do?"

He let her go and she clutched her throat, gasping for air. Eventually, she started laughing, hysterically. He grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him.

"He got away?" She croaked the words, but she was so happy she was crying. 

He backhanded her, hard, hard enough she jerked roughly against the window. Her face exploded in pain. She had been hit before but it had been long enough she'd forgotten how much it hurt. She continued to laugh hysterically.

"Do you know what you just did?" He grabbed her face.

She nodded against his fingers, smiled through her tears.

"What happened to Joey?" She asked.

Negan bared his teeth at her and his fingers tightened.

"What did you do?" He repeated.

She just laughed at him. He slapped her again, this time hard enough for her to tumble against the dresser and down to the floor. Pain, harsh and cruel, bit at the edge of every fiber, like a wave, before it centered to throb deep and constant over the whole half of her face. She stayed down.

"You have no idea..." He was squatting next to her and he reached over, wrenching her head to the side so she was forced to look at him again.

"You see, there are motherfuckin' rules here, Ava. Daryl was my prisoner. Now, I don't have a prisoner... And as you've pointed out on more than one occasion, I've got a shit ton of wives," his thumb ran smoothly along the edge of her lips and she saw that it came away red.

"Are you telling me that you helped my prisoner escape?" He asked.

She didn't answer; she couldn't help trembling in his hold.

"What are you fucking saying, little bird?"

"The other day, you were so distracted with your...Oh, what do you call them?" She laughed again and Negan growled as he pushed her away violently...angrily.

"Theatrics! That's it! You were distracted with your fucking theatrics," he hit her again, not as hard, but hard enough. She held her face for a second, breathing hard, trying to contain the pain as she continued. "You forgot, Negan. You forgot that I can't fucking stand you and you left me alone in your room while you kept Daryl downstairs awaiting more torture. And now you're fucking shocked I let him go?" She found more laughter although it sounded insane, even to her ears. 

Suddenly she realized that they weren't alone. There was a handful of Saviors in the room. Dwight, along with the one that had the moustache... Simon, the female guard she'd elbowed, and a few more. Negan stood as she gazed around pulling her hair up with him. She cried out as he dragged her up onto her knees in front of him. 

"Do you believe this? I give this fucking bitch the best food, anything she wants, silk sheets, whiskey on-demand, all her glittery dresses and pretty things. Look at that fucking rock on her finger! Give me that shit," his gloved fingers ripped the gigantic ring from her hand, tearing some of her skin with it.

He held it up in front of her face as he went on.

"I mean, don't get me wrong. She earned her keep. These lips...Oooh boy!" He rubbed the diamond against her bloody lips and she shook her head, spitting at it.

His hand in her curls tightened, holding her still, and he forced the ring into her mouth. He placed his gloved palm over her lips and held her, laughing.

"This fucking mouth milked my cock enough I'd let her swallow a hundred of these diamonds. I mean, what are they really worth now anyway, right?"

The sound of the Saviors laughing was in her ears as he began to tip her head back, causing the ring to slide down her throat. She gagged, trying to force it away with her tongue but he continued to angle her head back so it choked her, unrelenting. 

"Seriously. I have had a lot of women. I mean, a-fucking-LOT... I've never had one like this. Such a pity." Negan was continuing casually and the ring was sliding past her tonsils and she was going to die! Her body was shaking with jerks and spasms beyond her control now, trying to wrench the diamond loose but he held her firm. Tears were streaming down her face and she clutched at her throat, her nails ripping. 

"She gave the best head I've ever had...best Goddamn pussy I ever had too!"

At this she focused slightly, his words centering her. As absurd, as ridiculous as it was... It was true. She was incredibly good at fellatio. Not just because complete satisfaction was often needed to facilitate her escape, but because she had learned it in violence. It had been forced upon her, tearing away her gag reflex, creating an instinctual relaxation in her muscles. She let those instincts kick in now, calming herself, easing her breathing, relaxing her throat. The jagged diamond began to slide down, and suddenly she was being yanked up and a painful jerk around her middle heaved it back... so that it was choking her again! Then another heave, and the ring was rolling across the carpet.

"Oh no, little bird! I can't have you in the ward. I told you. I need you even more, now that you set my only prisoner free. I guess you'll have to take his place."

She was choking and gasping on the ground. Her throat was on fire and tears completely obscured her vision but she heard Negan's cruel words loud and clear. His fingers twisted at her scalp again.

"Don't worry, D. I'll put this one away myself... Simon! I need you to get over to Alexandria and get Gavin over to Hilltop. Flip that shit. You find that fucker and you bring him back."

Ava screamed as Negan wrenched her to the side, pain searing from every root in her head as he began to drag her from the room, past the laughing Saviors. The female guard kicked her sharply and her legs dragged against the door frame as he pulled her into the hall. Her screams became laced with anguished sobs. She saw his wives lined along the hall, their hands on their mouths, tears in their eyes. Then they were gone and Negan was dragging her into the stairwell and down the steps. 

Each one created a new litany of pain as he didn't let up for an instant, jerking her down roughly each time she tried to get up. Eventually she stopped trying, giving into the sobbing heap of a human he had made her. Finally they reached the bottom of the stairs and she was nearly quiet as he dragged her the rest of the way. He dropped her roughly in the starkly lit hall next to the desk as he unlocked and opened the door. Then he pulled her through to the darkness, causing one last scream to sound before the door slammed shut.


	18. A Torment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava gets a taste of the treatment Daryl received in the Sanctuary.

Chapter Eighteen: A Torment

Ava's screams seemed somehow muffled by the darkness and they were cut off completely when she was pushed against the wall. She fell sobbing but he was relentless. His hands were on her, pulling her dress away, then her undergarments.

"No more pretty things for you." He growled, throwing them aside.

She couldn't see him and it was absolutely terrifying. She cried out when his gloved hand gripped her jaw, dragging her up along the wall.

"You have no idea how good you had it, little bird. You have NO. Fucking. CLUE!" It was odd how she could feel his vicious smile, even though she could not see it.

She managed a tiny smile of her own somehow.

"As long as Daryl's gone, it doesn't matter," she said.

He chuckled in response.

"Oh, don't you worry your pretty little head, babydoll. I'll get him back here for you. We'll have some fun with him before you get to watch me kill him."

She didn't respond, she just let her tears come, squirming angrily against him when she felt his kiss upon her, firm and humiliating. Then he was gone, leaving her to collapse on the cold ground in a sobbing heap. After a moment of uncontrollable heaving sobs she managed to calm herself and forced her breath to slow. Eventually she was able to contemplate beginning to move, to try to acclimate herself, but before she even started to uncurl, blaring music started blasting from right outside the door. She tensed instantly, her hands flying up over her ears. The words rang through nonetheless.

 

_We're on easy street/_

_And it feels so sweet./_

_'Cause the world is 'bout a treat/_

_When you're on easy street._

 

It was unbearably loud and the beat and tempo were painfully fast and gleeful. She cringed as the snappy tune continued, unrelenting.

 

_And we're breaking out the good champagne./_

_We're sitting on the gravy train/_

_And when we sing every sweet refrain...repeats/_

_Right here on easy street._

 

She laughed, bitter and empty, remembering the champagne from her impromptu wedding night. It didn't matter, the chorus drowned her out, giggling, somehow, as it sang, imploring her to come to easy street, calling her an idiot for giving it up. Then, suddenly, the music was cut off and half a second later another sound echoed loudly outside the door... throughout the hallways. Her own voice taunted her now, crushing her laughter to tears again. Her recorded voice was crying out in ecstatic bliss, her breathing labored. She was pleading, begging, saying things she couldn't even remember saying... And the moans were laced with the desperate pleas, punctuated by the sound of her calling out the name of her tormentor... Of Daryl's tormentor... The man who'd murdered her friends in cold blood.

 

_Negan... Negan... NEGAN!_

 

She screamed, trying to drown out the moaning but it pressed on until she was silent, holding her head and shaking. Then, finally, it stopped and she was just left with the darkness. She let it take her.

 

_We're on easy street/_

_And it feels so sweet./ '_

_Cause the world is 'bout a treat..._

 

Ava jerked awake, clamping her hands over her ears automatically. The door opened then, and a shaft of light awakened her gloom. She saw only a hand and arm, though, sliding a plate through, and then the light was gone. The music continued to blare, followed by her recorded moans. She kept her hands over her ears, useless as they were, until it stopped, but then a new recording sounded.

 

 _"Please..."_ She jerked her hands down, scrambling onto her knees and biting back the pain erupting over her bruised body.

 

_"Please just let her go. I'll do anything you want. I'll kneel, I fuckin' kill... I'll do it. Just let her go!"_

 

_"What's your name?"_

 

Ava screamed, fury lashing from her throat at the sound of Negan's voice.

 

 _"I'll be Negan!"_ Daryl was screaming, she heard the sound of him being hit. _"Just let her go."_

 

_"What's your name?"_

 

 _"You have to let her go first."_   His voice was cut off with the sound of him getting hit again. Ava cried out as the recording dragged on into silence.

 

She gagged, almost vomited, but struggled to contain her fear. This recording could easily have been from before. She suspected it was, when she really thought about it. It was unlikely Negan would have caught Daryl so quickly. It wasn't entirely unlikely, however, as Daryl might have sought to come back for her. No matter what the case, she had to try to remain calm. She began to struggle to search her surroundings... slowly. She was in unbelievable pain, in almost every part of her body _._ Just breathing was agony and she half-suspected she had a broken rib.

There was a plastic-covered mat in one corner, thin and worn. Opposite there was a rank bucket which she relieved herself in. She examined the plate, finding bread with dry meat between the slices. She would guess it was chicken but the smell was somewhat rank. She pushed it aside then went back to the mat, after finding the rest of the closet-sized room empty, and fell into a fitful sleep.

 

_We're on easy street/_

_And it feels so sweet..._

 

Ava was awake again, suddenly and completely. She groaned, grinding her head into the dirty mat in frustration. The song chanted and bounced into silence, followed by her ecstasy-laced cries, and then Daryl's desperate pleas. She laid, tense throughout it all, waiting for another new layer of auditory torture...but it didn't come. Afterward the silence spread and she sat up, waiting for the door to open, for the light... but nothing happened. The silence dragged on into the darkness.

She fumbled off of the mat and crawled over to the door, feeling around in the darkness. Her fingers met nothing and she blinked into the shadows, grasping more, gulping in her dry throat which clamped sharp and insistent over her pain. There was nothing. She managed to stand, brushing her hands over the door, clinging to it... willing it to open. She sobbed when it didn't and followed slowly along the wall back to the mat. She was cold and she clenched into the fetal position, trying to retain warmth, trying to ignore the smell of her own urine ripening in a bucket across the room. She shivered and cried until sleep claimed her again.

 

_We're on easy street..._

 

"No..." Ava moaned, turning against the wall, trying to roll into it as the horrid song pressed on.

 

"No!" She sobbed, her crying uncontrollable, body-wracking. The sound of her own voice drowned her out.

 

"NO!" She screamed, then over and over, shouting down Daryl's recorded voice in spite of her torn throat.

 

The door opened and she scrambled around, groaning as she tried to hurry off the mat and crawl across the room. But her pain put her at a snail's pace and the light was gone by the time she got there. She accidentally knocked over the cup of water with her reaching hands. She felt the liquid seep away, the dampness on her legs and hands. She sobbed, pressing her wet fingers against her parched lips. Her throat was raw from screaming and choking. There was another dry sandwich on a plate, this time peanut butter, but she threw it against the door in anger. The Styrofoam plate snapped in two. She retreated to her mat.

On it went like that. They brought more water, which she drank greedily, but she wouldn't eat the food. Besides the sandwiches, they brought a kind of watery gruel; she enjoyed chucking that against the wall. They didn't bring it again. Her meals were always proceeded by the horrid loop, the wretched song, her husky moans, Daryl's desperate pleas... over and over again. But they emptied her waste bucket while she slept, in silence, so that she never saw anything more than an arm.

 


	19. A Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan warns Ava about what will happen if she continues to defy him.

Chapter Nineteen: A Warning

Ava lost track of time quickly. She had no idea how many times they'd awoken her or how often. She was hungry, really hungry, but she wasn't starving. It couldn't have been more than a few days. She would often spend time with her ear pressed against the door, but she could hear nothing when the recordings weren't blaring. She spent most of her time sleeping.

She jerked awake again, as if the soundtrack to her misery had started... but it hadn't. She looked out into the black, seeing the wall just a few inches away. Enough light seeped around the door she was at least able to see somewhat, but not much. She felt a presence, spun around and there they were. Two of them... men... Negan she knew after just a heartbeat longer of disorientation. The other was shorter... It was Dwight, with his burned face and straw hair. 

"Little bird," Negan said, his voice thick with disappointment.

"You have been SUCH a bad girl!" She backed against the wall as he started toward her. Dwight stayed by the door.

"How have you been enjoying your punishment?" He squatted down next to her mat. "The tapes are a nice touch, hah? Daryl seemed to appreciate them. How do you like listening to him beg like a little bitch? Are you starting to regret your decision to let him go? You must have known it would only be a matter of time until we got him back here."

Ava winced as she tried to smile. Her face felt like it was broken.

"You don't have him back." Her voice was hoarse from disuse.

"And how the fuck do you know that? You don't know night from day in this fucking shithole."

"There would be more than one recording." She cut him off, just slightly, and he glared down at her.

"You're too fucking smart for your own good, babydoll," he said after a moment. "You don't even need all those brains whirring behind that pretty face. It'll only get you into trouble. You see, I have some questions for you and I don't want you to try to be smart. Don't fucking think, just answer me. Give me the truth. If you can do that, maybe you can keep that pretty face. So," he grabbed her then, suddenly, by the throat, his movement quick as a snake. She reached up, grasping at his hands, her legs flailing automatically. 

"First question, do you know what I found in your room?" His fingers tensed and she couldn't breath. "You remember that room? With all the nice furniture. The room with the clothes, with the fucking toilet! Do you miss that fucking room?" Ava saw a blacker blackness seep around the edges of the cell. And then his hold was gone and she was choking. But then, just as quickly, his forearm was thrust across her collarbone, forcing her back into the wall. Her head crashed painfully into the concrete but she was distracted from that by the cold metal he pressed against her neck.

"Do you know what I found?" He asked.

She coughed again before responding, her voice harsh.

"A knife?" She asked.

"Mmmm," his voice growled. The metal pressed closer against her and she wasn't sure if it was slicing into her. She winced.

"And who's knife is this?"

"Dwight's" 

"And how did you get Dwight's knife?"

"I stole it from his room."

Negan leered even closer to her.

"Are you fucking sure about that?"

She didn't blink. "Yes."

"Nobody gave it to you?"

"No."

Negan laughed then, his twangy chuckle.

"You see, it's just odd because Dwightyboy told me about finding you in the hall. He told me he brought you back up to your nice comfortable room I'm just positive you're missing right about now..." He was sliding the edge of the knife along her skin as he spoke, a ghost of a caress. "But here's the thing... he went back to check on your little boyfriend and he was tucked into this godforsaken cell, safe and sound, just like you are now. So you couldn't have let him go, could you? So I'm just trying to figure out who the fuck helped you."

"No one helped." She yelped when he jerked her against the wall, awakening bruises and ripping skin along the knife and cement. "Please! Negan, no one helped! Please! I heard Dwight!" He let got of her but kept the knife against her, prompting it up into her throat to encourage her to continue.

"I heard him...in the hall. I wrote a note to Daryl and slid him the key... It was in the desk. I told him not to break out until after he was checked on. I knew that you were taking Carl back so I knew we had time. I knew that whoever was in the hall would catch me and take me back, and probably check on him." She cried out when he shook her again.

"Well, you just fucking know everything don't you? Did you know that you weren't the only fucking wife I lost? Seems Sherry took the fuck off along with your pretty little redneck. Did you fucking know about that?" He was screaming again. "What do you think, Dwight? Sherry is the only wife I let her talk to. Do you think she poisoned her against me? Could little Miss Honey Sherry have been the one to let Daryl go...maybe while you were distracted with my little bird? Maybe you didn't take her straight back... Believe me, I know just how good her song is..." 

"No sir... That didn't happen." Negan's smiled shone right in front of her and he chuckled again as he turned toward Dwight slightly.

"That's right. Because who the fuck are you?"

"Negan." 

"That is Goddamn right! You see, Dwighty and I... We go way back. Sherry too... We had history. And I get why Sherry left. You see, Sherry was fucking weak. But now I'm down TWO fucking wives!" 

"Good." He hit her again, let her go. She braced herself for another hit, even as the pain rattled her mind, but he had turned to Dwight and tossed him his knife.

He started to pace around the small room.

"You know... I thought you were such a fucking prize. Young, drop-dead fucking beautiful," he turned to her then and stared as he went on, chuckling between words.

"You'd even been so fucking alienated and abused, you put up with my unique brand of bullshit. I swear," he came toward her and squatted again. "You even fucking liked it! You can't deny it," he laughed outright now. "I've got the tapes!"

She just glared at him. She really didn't want to get hit again. She had never been in so much pain. 

"So yeah," he got up again and paced back to Dwight. "She seemed like the i-fucking-deal prize, yes?"

Dwight inclined his head slightly.

"Turns out that picture was a fucking lie. You aren't some scared little bird, are you, Ava? Oh no... You've got some real lady balls, don't you? I mean, seriously, it takes some fucking guts to escape the same FUCKING DAY you see your first iron. Then I think about your shitty attitude when I got back..." He made his way back toward her.

"Some real fucking lady balls. You know who else has a nice set of lady balls? That pretty little Latina number... What's her name?"

"Rosita." Dwight offered.

"Yeah, that's it. You know Rosita, don't you? Seriously gorgeous number herself... just looking at her I'd be happy to ram her home a few times. Here's the thing, though. That Rosita has got GIGANTIC lady balls. Do you know what she did?" He motioned to Dwight, who handed him something. She hadn't noticed Lucille propped against his leg; it was so dark. She cringed against the wall again.

"She fucking SHOT Lucille. I mean, she was aiming for me, I'll give her that. But look at this shit!" He held the bat in front of her face, even though she couldn't see anything odd in the darkness. She couldn't move or else the barbs would scratch her. 

"I do NOT like LADY BALLS! Maybe in my soldiers but not in my wives, and for damn sure not in my fucking prisoners!" He yelled, his face ferocious behind Lucille. He relaxed very slightly, but still held the bat up in front of her terrified gaze. "Thanks to Ladyballs little stunt, though, we got us a new addition to the Sanctuary. Isn't that nice? Turns out mullet boy over in Alexandria actually knew how to make fucking bullets from scratch! I'm telling you. You people are a goddamn treasure trove. And you, my pretty little thing...You are not going to get off easy here. That is something you need to understand. You have to play by MY rules, Ava. If you don't... well, I'll just have to change them. I mean, should I get another hostage? Maybe someone more cooperative...We were starting to get along but if you're going to keep PISSING me OFF," he was yelling again and she couldn't help the tears that were sliding down her aching face.

He stopped, pulled the bat down and chuckled slightly.

"If you don't drop the shit and get with the fucking program we will have an even BIGGER fucking problem. Do you understand? You eat, you listen, you serve your goddamn punishment. I mean, do you want a roommate in here?" She shook her head, desperate, repeating, "no" over and over.

"Do you fucking understand?"

"Yes!" She nodded, but she couldn't stop crying. He pushed her away violently, then exited with Dwight.


	20. A Commute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava finally escapes the darkness, but her nightmares linger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the lack of posting lately. I have recently had emergency surgery and I was bedridden with pain for nearly a month. Feeling loads better now and back on the grind. My pace may be a bit slower as I limp through recovery. Bare with me.
> 
> I have also edited a few chapters due to continuity issues. A Reminiscence, An Escape, and An Exchange have all been slightly changed.

Chapter Twenty: A Commute

 

_We're on easy street..._

Ava twitched slightly but otherwise she didn't respond to the loop of torture that assaulted her. She let it run its course, watching the shaft of light awaken her misery. A bowl and a cup, sliding into her hell. Daryl's voice dwindled and she inched toward the door. She was an idiot for fighting Negan. She should have taken her punishment and gotten through, gotten out of here, closer to Daryl. He was free and she would do what she could to distract Negan from discovering who had actually helped him escape.

The longer Negan thought it was her, the better...because whoever it was, they were an ally. She was almost positive that it was Jesus, and although Negan's information on Sherry threw her for a loop she had to remind herself to consider the source. She took a swig of water and then a bite of the watery gruel. It was thin and salty but somehow delicious. She ate too quickly and proceeded to vomit all over the floor. Then she cried.

A thud against the door made her jerk, then flounder away from the mess.

"You having a problem in there, little bird?" Negan's voice filtered through the door.

Ava sobbed in response, wiping her mouth and trying to form words.

"So-sorry-" she managed.

"Oh..." Negan made a clucking sound. "Now you're sorry?"

"I tried." She sobbed some more.

She heard him move and the door opened.

"Oh, look at what a mess you are." His voice was condescending.

She was fading. The pain was too much and her stomach was cramping. The door was open but somehow the blackness was thickening. She saw figures but she could decipher none other than Negan who squatted next to her.

"I'll get her... you clean this shit up..."

Then the blackness fell hard over her.

She felt him, against her naked, broken body, his arms holding her to him. The leather and fastenings on his jacket pinched her bruised skin... Lights were moving fast above her and dizziness overcame her senses. Her head dropped against his shoulder and she faded again.

Low voices were muttering above her and there was the sound of clinking metal and rolling wheels, smooth on the clean floors... scented with that odd mixture of iodine and bleach... Soft beeps and whirs gave away the presence of machines.

"She's pretty messed up..." The words began to make sense in her buzzing mind. Terror gripped her, hard, cold and insistent.

"Keep an eye on her," a hand gripped her wrist and she opened her eyes, confirming the fears awakened by all of her other senses.

Stark lights shone down on a small but sterile medical room filled with men. One, the one in the white coat, was gripping her wrist with a needle in his other hand. She realized there was only one other man in the room, but it was a small room and he was a big man. Although he was familiar, he was not one of the officers. He wasn't wearing a uniform, just a white T-shirt and jeans.

"Please," she jerked her arm away, cringing in pain as she scooted toward the wall.

"I'm sorry, I won't do it again... I won't run... Just please-" she cried out as the big man started toward her.

He looked worried, his eyes shadowed... She _knew_ him.

"Hush, little bird," her mind fluttered... She heard footsteps in the hall and winced.

"Please don't let them take me... They're going to hurt me... Don't bring Gorman, please! Just- can we not tell him? Don't tell ANY of the officers... Please! I won't run again, I promise." She was crying outright and the big man reached for her. She recoiled automatically but his arms curved firm around her. "Please don't tell Gorman, please..."

"Hush now, babydoll. There is no Gorman here."

Ava took a deep breath and his scent filled her nose, leather and metal and man...

_Negan..._

She stiffened and pushed away, as hard as her pain would allow.

"Negan," her voice choked on her tears, an irrational wave of relief washing over her. Gorman wasn't here. He couldn't hurt her, or punish her... But Negan was...Negan could.

"No more darkness, please," she jerked away from the doctor and his needle, who was reaching for her again. She was crying outright and hysterically at this point.

Negan forced her to lay on the examination table and memories of Grady swamped her again. She fought him but he was so incredibly strong. He hushed her again.

"It's okay, little bird. You need to rest."

A pinch on the inside of her elbow, the ice of a foreign liquid in her veins, and then the familiar darkness overcame her once again.

 _"I ain't never felt_ anything _like this before."_

Ava reached out for him, and he should have been there... _right there..._ But he wasn't. There should have been stars but there weren't. There should have been soft grass and damp leaves sticking to her naked skin. There should have been gooseflesh, wind in the trees, happy sighs and giggles. There should have been love but... She was just floating in nothingness and Daryl was nowhere.

 _"I never want to leave..."_ Her own voice was floating with her.

 _"Me neither... Sometimes I wish we could just go... just us. Not really, but..."_ Daryl's voice made his face jump into her mind. She could almost reach out and touch him... _almost._

 _"I know..."_ She answered him and he was gone and the memory of a soft night long ago and far away faded... She was spinning, waiting to resurface to the darkness again... but there was light and airy sun shafts and cleanliness.

"You're back."

She looked over and saw the man in the white coat. He was obviously a doctor with a stethoscope around his neck and a chart in his hands.

"You were pretty beat up. You have a broken rib and some severe bruising but you should have a full recovery in a month or so. I need you to be really careful from now on. If you ever feel any sharp pains that don't allow you to take a deep breath you need to tell me immediately. It seems to be a nice clean break, though."

She swallowed hard in her dry throat and he passed her a cup of water.

"I-" She stopped, watched his sharp eyes. He had a thin face and thin hair, and a gaze that shifted too much, even as he made eye contact.

"Can I stay here?" She managed.

His eyes stopped shifting and stabbed her instead.

"Yes. You're safe here."

Ava wanted to scoff at him... _safe..._ She wanted to laugh and cry and lash out at him. But she only nodded.

"I am Doctor Carson, Emmett Carson. I'll be looking after you."

She nodded again and his eyes shifted more, all over his chart.

"You were in the Hole for two days... but you're lower on nutrients than I'd expect. I was told you refused to eat while you were in there but were you eating before?"

"Before...?" She felt like she was dreaming. Her eyes flitted around the tiny room and she swallowed hard.

"Before your... punishment?" The doctor looked at her pointedly over his glasses.

"I-I guess I wasn't... I mean..." she closed her eyes. She saw Carl, tears sliding beneath his pitted eye. She saw Daryl, naked, curled in a ball in the darkness. She saw herself in the same position. She saw the burned skin, stretching like globs of bloody cheese from a red-hot iron. She saw Negan thrusting steady and hard over her with his vicious smile.

"I couldn't...Not after the iron." Her voice cut off and she wiped away the useless tears.

"Okay, it's okay. I've managed to get some fluids in you and we'll start with an easy liquid diet. You'll be fine." The doctor patted her shoulder.

"You just remember to do as you're told and everything will be just fine." She nodded again and he gave her a weak smile. "You need to get some rest now." She realized that she had an IV line in her arm and felt coldness rush her veins again as he pushed a needle into it. She didn't care, though, embracing the warmth it prompted as she slid away.


	21. An Assault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava discovers the doctor's true nature.

Chapter Twenty-One: An Assault

Doctor Carson was almost always there and time became muddled. He liked to watch her with his weird flickering gaze. He would help her to the bathroom and she didn't like the way his hands lingered on her. She was grateful that she was well enough to manage the toilet and loose dressing gown on her own. He was always dropping coded warnings and obvious Savior mantra.

"Negan is only doing what he needs to do, to protect what we have."

He directed her physical therapy and examinations regularly and his hands were too intent on her limbs.

"He has protected a lot of people for a very long time."

The doctor would grip her very lightly, playfully, when she tried to pull away from his increasingly familiar hold.

"You have to trust me..."

After each session he would pull out his needle, but she confronted him after a few times.

"Don't I need natural sleep? How long have I even been here? I always feel loopy."

"You don't want to be in pain. You need to trust me."

"But I can manage the pain..." She protested but he'd already inserted the needle into her IV.

"Trust me..."

Ava always dreamt of Negan in the Ward... of his hands all over her body. His smile haunted her and the sound of his chuckle rumbled within. She could also hear her own sighs; like the recordings of her prison they assaulted her, forced to sound by those hands... those hands all over her body. They were nearly impersonal then suddenly not, shifting over her bruised flesh. Fingers crawled between her stiff thighs, forced them apart and slithered up, hard, too hard, against her naked genitals beneath her gown, pinching her clit and jabbing inside of her.

There was no finesse in this touch, no tenderness, just recklessness and desperation... a sick, clinging hunger. She cried out and realized suddenly she was not dreaming and it was not Negan. The fingers left her most intimate parts, but continued over her skin on her thighs and stomach. She pushed them away and moved to get up but she was held down.

"Lay still... just trust me." The doctor was fully clothed but he was sweating profusely and his voice was husky and uncontrolled.

"No, please... Stop," her own voice was groggy and broken.

"We need to get your blood flowing; it will help these bruises... It's just a massage. It's therapy." His hands tried to turn her onto her stomach but she moved to sit up again.

"No!" Her firm voice made him falter. "I'll tell Negan."

He grabbed her shoulders and she glared at his piercing eyes.

"You want to go back there?" His voice was low and his glasses shone. His desk lamp was on but otherwise the room was dim. The darkness leapt at her and she didn't respond.

"I'll tell him you tried to flee. Who do you think he'll believe?" The doctor let go of one shoulder, moving a strand of hair that had fallen in front of her eyes.

"You made this mistake before, Ava. You thought yourself indispensable. Negan knows you let Daryl go, you think he's going to believe anything you say? He is not too happy with you." His touch lingered on her cheek and her glare deepened.

"You really need to learn how it works here. You do as you're told. You do your part, and you earn your keep. Do you understand? Are you ready to learn?"

Tears filled her eyes and she closed them as he wiped the dampness from her cheeks.

"You need to learn and you need to learn fast. If you don't... you won't make it. I can help you, though. It's what I do... I help people. I can get you pills to dull the pain, the emotions. I can even get you contraceptives. I've helped Sherry, and the other wives, before... don't get me wrong. I don't usually do this... You're special. I just need you to work with me. Can you do that?" His hands were at her thighs again, pawing at them, reaching up her gown.

"Please stop... I don't want to," she was crying.

They heard the doorknob suddenly, and the doctor jerked away just as the door burst open. Dwight stumbled in, blood dripping from a head wound. He glared between the two of them and Doctor Carson moved further from her as he stammered.

"You're back."

Dwight nodded, moving brusquely to sit on the table across the room from her bed. He stared at her as the doctor began to gather supplies and clean his wound.

"Did you find her?" Carson asked. Dwight nodded without breaking his gaze from Ava.

"Where is she?" The doctor's voice had a needling tone.

Dwight broke their gaze to look at the doctor.

"I killed her."

Ava felt her stomach fall, saw the doctor stiffen.

"She ran away from me..." Dwight went on, looking back at Ava. "Right into a mess of dead ones. So I made it quick."

The doctor sighed and finished his bandage.

"I know it still hurts," he said.

"It's better with the bandage," Dwight replied coldly.

"I wasn't talking about that. I would tell you to just forget about her, but I don't see anyone around here doing that. Not after what she did for you... not after how she took off."

"We've all done things." Dwight's eyes were misty and Ava held his gaze.

"Yes," the doctor moved to put his supplies away. "But that was before we got here. Before we understood," he glanced at Ava, then, "and weren't cowards about it. We don't get to have big hearts." He looked back at Dwight. "Remember that."

Ava swallowed hard, watching as Dwight got up. He grabbed a handful of lollypops.

"I need you down at the shacks. Rodney chopped his finger off but he don't want to get the extra points coming down to the Ward. Grab your sewing kit and go fix the stubborn bastard in the dirt. We'll charge him half and if his fucking hand falls off it'll be his fault. I'll stay here with the birdie. Negan don't want her left alone." The doctor looked over at Ava and she could see the disappointment and worry on his face. He packed up quickly, though, and left. Dwight approached her suddenly, grabbing her arm, causing her to flinch; his face was dark.

"He touched you. I saw it." He was speaking low and fast, reaching for his radio.

"I need Negan to the Ward. Negan to the Ward." Dwight let her arm go then, as if her flesh burned him.

"He _did_ touch you." He was insisting, not asking. She nodded quickly, heard the radio blare.

"What's happening, D?" "I got a problem with the birdie in the Ward." He switched frequency. "Rod, I got Emmett on the way to your place. You hold him there. Do not let him go." There was a stretch of silence, then, "roger."

Negan was there within minutes.

"What the fuck?" His eyes crossed between the two of them, angry.

"The doctor," Ava had no idea her voice could be so small... she felt lost.

"Yeah," Negan prompted her, impatient, and she burst into tears.

"He was touching her..." Dwight offered.

Negan's eyes immediately darkened.

"What the fuck happened?"

"He said, I needed to learn... to listen," she took a deep breath, tried to make sense. "He said he would help me. He said he helps other women... he gets them pills and things... I don't know."

"What women? MY women? Did he fucking touch you?"

Ava took another breath.

"He said he'd helped Sherry. He said he'd helped the other wives too, but he said I was, I don't know...special. He was massaging me, and he said it was therapy for the bruises but," she pressed her legs closed and shivered. "He...he was all over me... He groped me... assaulted me...I swear, I didn't want it, Negan. I told him to stop. I told him I would tell you. But he said I would go back to the Hole. He said he would tell you I tried to run..." She was sobbing uncontrollably. Negan looked to Dwight.

"You saw?" Dwight hesitated.

"I heard it, through the door... I only saw, after... He was pulling away, guilty as all hell." He was angry. She could hear it in his voice.

"Where the fuck is he?"

"I sent him to Rod's shack."

"Get the furnace going," Negan reached for his radio as Dwight took off at a run.

"Wade, Gary, you get down to the Merrett shack and scoop up our dear old Doctor Carson. Then get him to the Hole. We got a fire to light. Alert the perimeter and make sure that motherfucker doesn't try to flee. I need everyone to the fire in one hour." He put his radio down.

"If you are fucking lying..."

She tried to convince him with her eyes. "I'm not."

 


	22. A Burning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmett Carson learns what happens when you break the rules.

Chapter Twenty-Two: A Burning

 

Negan directed her to the forge on the main factory floor. She stumbled and limped, barefoot and trying to keep up with him, but his firm hand on her arm kept her upright and he slowed his long strides slightly. Her dressing gown was loose and it kept falling off her shoulders. She was amazed at how fast the Saviors could gather as they knelt all around them. Negan proceeded straight down to the floor where Doctor Carson was waiting, terrified, flanked by his henchmen. He scanned the room as the balding man cowered and whimpered.

"Where is my Doctor Smartypants?"

"Laura's bringin' him."

Just a few moments later a side door opened along the catwalk. Ava almost cried out when she saw a small blonde woman lead Eugene into the room. Negan began to walk around the doctor, toward Eugene. He gestured at him with Lucille.

"I'm going to need you to pay attention."

Then, without a moment's hesitation, he braced as he swung and the sound of cracking bone filled the room as the metal-encased wood crushed Carson's arm. He cried out and crumpled instantly but the guards yanked him back up to his feet.

"You have been a shitty caregiver, dear old Doc! Slinging medical supplies... wiggling around my ladies... You've just been on a fuckin' roll, haven't you? You pathetic worm." Negan's voice was like a dark, static storm.

"No! I wouldn't!"

"NO?! Ava told me about your little fucking 'massage'. She said you forced your slimy motherfucking hands all over her." He looked down at Ava and rose an eyebrow, prompting a terrified nod.

"I aught to chop your dick off and feed it to the coals."

"Please, no, Jesus... I swear. She's lying."

"The thing is, my little bird ain't the only one singing this song. Dwighty here saw you."

"Please! It was just an examination." The doctor dissolved into sobs as Negan nodded toward Dwight, who reached in to remove the red-hot iron. Negan took the iron up and held it over the doctor's face.

"No! Please don't hurt me, Jesus, I swear!"

"C'mon, man... I don't want to do this. Just fess up and we can move on."

Doctor Carson's shifty gaze slid over to Ava. She couldn't stop her tears or her sympathy. She didn't want this.

"Okay... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have touched her."

Negan relaxed his grip.

"You shouldn't have touched any of them." His voice was low as he handed the iron off to Dwight. The doctor relaxed slightly, but not for long.

"Don't deny it, doc! I know all about the little exchange you had...the pills. I know about Sherry," Negan said, looking Dwight dead in the eye. "This weaselly, pathetic, motherfucker is probably the reason she took off. She was scared of getting caught," he turned back to the doctor, raising his voice. "You're the reason she's dead! You've been using the goods MY soldiers risks their lives for to fuck MY wives!"

"No!" Emmett winced and cowered more. "I'll admit I traded pills in the compound, but I only touched Ava, just this once. I never touched Sherry, or any of your other wives."

"You goddamned rat, you got them pain pills, birth control, fucking morphine. We looked at the goddamn stores. You were even trading fucking vitamins. You made them feel indebted to your SICK ass. You were just waiting to cash in, weren't you, you dirty fuck, all the while behind my back."

"No! I wouldn't, I just wanted..."

"I know what you fucking wanted, Ava's proof of that."

"Please, I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry. I'll never do it again. Just please don't hurt me," the doctor had become a whimpering ghost of a man before all of them. Negan turned away from him, disgusted.

"You knew the rules, Doctor Carson," he murmured darkly. Then, suddenly, he pivoted and grabbed the doctor by his shoulders, shoving him screaming toward the furnace. He forced him in up to the waist and Ava felt a chill and revulsion as she watched the man's legs twitch and thrash. His screams climaxed and ended quickly. She blinked as Negan started toward her then, grabbing her arm and pulling her toward the forge.

"No! Please...:" He pulled her harder as she fought, directing her right in front of it. He gripped her hair and jawline, forcing her to stare into the steaming fire where the body of Doctor Emmett Carson was being sloughed to ember by the flames.

"Do you understand the consequences of defiance?" Negan asked. She could feel the heat, oppressive on every inch of her skin. Her face felt as though it were burning.

"Yes! Please, Negan."

"Do you understand what happens when you lie to me? When you fucking betray me?"

"Yes, I understand. Yes!"

"Who are you?"

"Negan. I am Negan! Please, please... I am Negan," her voice broke into screaming sobs and he pulled her away, allowing her to collapse.

"Good thing we have a spare Doctor Carson," his voice mused above her to the crowd. "Come take care of this."

Ava cried as the Saviors around her began to disperse. She felt at her face, panicked. She knew it was already horribly bruised but it felt normal... she still had her lashes and eyebrows.

"Can you walk?" Said a harsh voice she didn't recognize. She looked up to see the blonde guard and Eugene standing over her. She nodded dully and struggled to her feet.

She was led back to the Ward along with Eugene, who helped her walk. Her side was aching with a constant dull throb that slowed her limping steps.

"You should have everything you need in here to fix her up." The guard said, gesturing around the room, toward the closet.

"We'll have another doctor in soon enough, but if you want your little friend taken care of you'll have to do it until he gets here."

Then she left the two of them alone and Ava proceeded to pass out on the bed.


	23. A Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava is introduced to the new Doctor Carson and gets some shocking news.

Chapter Twenty-Three: A Revelation

 

Humming awoke her, a dull monotone, tuneless... pointless. She looked over to see Eugene riffling through a medicine storage cabinet.

"Eugene..." He spun around, instantly adopting his lost puppy look.

"Ava." He stared at her as he slowly closed the cabinet.

She saw that he'd put her IV back in, as Negan had ripped it out before forcing her down to the furnace.

"I didn't know if I'd ever see you again," she said with a small smile.

"Yes, well, the current situation seems to be entirely out of our control. It is a convivial circumstance that we've found each other's companionship once again."

She smiled wider. She'd always loved the way Eugene talked, as if he'd swallowed a thesaurus. It was completely entertaining.

"Yes, well," she moved to sit up and he rushed over to help her. She let him seeing the worry on his face. She needed to use the bathroom but she waited, happy to be able to analyze her situation without a stranger leering. It was nice to feel a sense of camaraderie again.

"I'm hoping your rehabilitation isn't extended. You should have a complete recovery in... meh... perhaps a fortnight." Eugene looked somewhat silly peering down at Emmett's chart. "Your knee is either sprained or strained... I'm not sure if it is a ligament or tendon, although it could be the meniscus... and I really would prefer to have an X-ray to see how severely your rib is broken, but," Eugene paused as he got to the bottom of the chart. "You've had an inordinate amount of morphine for just over a day."

"Yeah, no more of that. I'm fine. Let's just say that was another situation entirely out of my control."

"You're going to be in a fair amount of pain. I could give you something else or simply a lower dosage."

"No," she cut him off but smiled to ease the sharpness in her tone.

"No, I'm fine. It's not that bad... some bruises, a bum knee, a broken rib... I'm fine."

Eugene nodded, cleared his throat, and looked down at the chart again.

"As you wish... They did say there is another doctor en route, a more appropriate replacement, to be sure. An actual MD, if you will. My doctorate was in bio-mechanics, and other assorted fields of study, but I have no medical experience. Still, I do believe that I can manage a couple of basic tests." He said handing her a small plastic cup.

"If you could...erm... just fill that up when you use the facilities." He was blushing profusely.

Ava grabbed the cup and moved to get up, waving him off as he tried to help. Her knee was indeed bruised and swollen pretty badly, causing a severe limp, but her IV stand provided sufficient assistance. She returned the sample to a still-blushing Eugene and made it back to the bed, tucking the covers around her just as the door opened. A short man with features that seemed sad and worn out was followed closely by Negan.

"Got your new doc, here, little bird."

The poor man's eyes were filled with terror and pain. He looked at her and frowned even deeper.

"What happened to her?" He approached her quickly and she flinched. He instantly slowed down, as Negan growled behind him.

"Don't you worry about what happened; you just fix things, doc. Understand?"

"Yes. My apologies. I'm Doctor Carson...erm...Sorry. Doctor Harlan Carson."

"He was your brother?" Her voice came as a whisper.

"He was... and I'm sorry for the way he mistreated you."

"Mistreated? That slimy fuck put his hands all over her, _inside of her_. I should have cut his dick off and fed it to the fucking furnace before throwing him in."

The doctor ducked his head, gently examining her. She could see his face was shaking, trying to avoid the contortions of emotional pain.

"I'm sorry..." Ava whispered as Eugene walked over.

"Doctor, Negan, sir." he nodded deeply. "I collected a specimen for some simple tests. Of course, since you're here you may want to perform them yourself."

The doctor hurried to finish her examination as Negan moved closer, glaring as he watched. Harlan's fingers were light and impersonal where her side and knee throbbed, but Negan did not like it.

"You have a small fracture in your rib, but the knee is just sprained and bruised. You should be recovered in about a month, but I expect you'll feel much better in a week or so, as long as you take it easy." She nodded and he moved quickly toward Eugene. They spoke together quietly as Negan sat down on the tiny bed beside her.

"So... We need to understand where the fuck we stand now, don't we, Ava?"

She remained quiet, scared.

"If it were anyone else I wouldn't even make this offer, but damn if you didn't earn your keep before your stupid goddamn behavior. But fuck, I have NEVER put a woman in the Hole before, let alone hit one and... well, shit... look at you... I'll admit I took it too far. But you need to understand that you fucked up, too. ANYONE else would have gotten the Iron, at the very fucking least."

"I'm sorry, Negan."

"Yeah, well, it doesn't fucking matter. It's over. My point now is that I'm feeling extra generous in your case, little bird. You can make a choice now. You can go to your shack and hard labor, after your stay in the Ward which you will have to pay off... There ain't no free healthcare in the Sanctuary. Or, we can go right back to the way things were before all of this ugliness. What do you think?"

Ava felt her stomach and mind roil with anger and terror. Her throat tightened but luckily the new doctor walked over to interrupt them.

"I'm sorry, Negan... Sir, if you could please come look at this," his sad eyes pivoted toward her as Negan led him back toward Eugene. The roiling grew within her stomach. They all murmured together and then Negan and the doctor returned.

"Listen, Ava," Negan faltered on her name; his face was dark, clenched...

"I'm just going to come right out and say it. You're pregnant."

Ava's world spun a million times in the space of a heartbeat, then it came to a complete stop as she vomited all over Negan's boots.


	24. A Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava and Negan discuss their surprising news.

Chapter Twenty-Four: A Monster

"God-fucking-Dammit!" Negan left the room cursing and Eugene hurried to clean up the mess. Ava moved to help him but the doctor stopped her.

"No, you sit, drink this," he handed her a glass of cool water and a clean cloth.

She listened to him, drank deeply, and tried to breathe but her mind was spinning again.

"When?" She asked the doctor and he knew exactly what she meant.

"Recently, your under two weeks. The test was faint but I confirmed with a blood sample. I'd say between seven and ten days."

She closed her eyes as her stomach sank. She already knew... She'd had her cycle just a day or so before the attack on Negan's outpost and she and Daryl hadn't had sex between then and the horrible night they all met Negan.

It was Negan's baby.

"Oh, God," she breathed, closing her eyes, willing the world to stop spinning.

She was having a madman's baby. A crazed dictator who had beaten and imprisoned her. A man who beat people to death with a bat. A man who shoved people into furnaces. She was having his baby and there was nothing she could do about it.

"Oh, no, no, no!" She cried, her words involuntary and shifting into something unintelligible. She collapsed on the bed sobbing, listening to Harlan and Eugene try to reassure her, but their voices floated somewhere above her and she closed her eyes, trying to will the world away.

She'd managed to gain some semblance of control by the time a guard arrived to move her back to her room. Harlan followed, helping her along the way and she thanked the doctor as she let his advice flow through one ear and out the other. He assured her that he would visit her regularly to monitor her recovery. She nodded, thanked him again, and watched him leave her alone. Her room was unchanged, somehow. She imagined Negan had torn it to shreds searching it, but she couldn't tell. She laid in her bed, searching for clues and not knowing why. _.._ but of course she knew why...she was trying to distract herself from her own terrifying thoughts. She felt like a hot coal was sitting in her gut, slowly eating its way through her middle.

Negan came in shortly but he wasn't alone.

"This is Frankie. Frankie, Ava. She's going to help you get cleaned up, take a shower, bath, whatever."

Ava smiled weakly toward the very pretty redhead, who smiled in response. She moved to help her from the bed. Ava watched Negan as she slowly pushed the blankets back and swung her legs over the edge. He ignored her,though, removing boots that were not his usual pair and making himself comfortable. Frankie led her slowly down the hallway, a guard following close behind. The stairs were slow going but Ava was proud of herself when she made the landing. Thankfully the locker room wasn't much farther and she was grateful to sit and rest as the water warmed.

"I'm pretty good at make-up. I can help you cover those."

Frankie's voice surprised her, soft, with just a hint of a southern drawl. Ava reached up to touch her face, automatically. She knew the bruises were bad. They were better each day, the reddish purple giving way to muddled brown and green.

"No... I want him to remember."

Frankie's eyes softened and she looked away.

"He feels bad. He'll probably never say it but you can tell. And I'm not defending him, believe me... That day- that was terrifying. He is terrifying. But I've never seen him like this... He actually feels bad."

Ava looked at her.

"He feels bad because I'm pregnant with his child." She almost burst into tears but somehow maintained control. It was the first time she'd said the words aloud.

Frankie's shocked face made her turn away, adjusting the water before removing her gown and stepping in. The rush of heat was like heaven and she felt an instant release of tension. With that release her tears flowed free of lost barriers and she slid down the tiled wall as she gave into the sobs, ignoring her pain and embracing her misery.

Eventually her aching side forced her to stop, however, and she slowly pulled herself up, then washed carefully and thoroughly. Frankie was waiting with a towel and a robe. Her eyes and touch were discreet, which Ava appreciated. Frankie sat her down in front of a mirror and gently brushed her hair as she stared at her reflection. Her eyes had darker bruising around them compared to the rest of her face and the vivid blue color looked stark within them. She hated those eyes.

Frankie brought her some lotion and offered a light massage. Apparently she'd been a massage therapist before the Fall. Ava declined, though. She just wanted to sleep and Doctor Emmett's advances were too fresh within her mind. So they proceeded back up to her room where she knew Negan would be waiting. He was sitting in the same spot, his jacket and scarf removed and a binder in his lap. He glanced at them as they entered, then centered his pointed stare on Frankie, who helped her back into bed and quickly left. The silence stretched for a bit, but not long.

"So, do you want to hash it out now, or later?"

"What do you mean?" Her voice was so small and she hated it.

"Look, I didn't intend for this to happen so fast... for things to go the way they did between us. I can be reasonable but you just don't bring it out in me. Now, I don't regret punishing you. You needed to spend some time in the Hole, and there will ALWAYS be a punishment when you break the rules. That's just the way it works here in The Sanctuary. Period. But I shouldn't have-" He had started toward her as he spoke and she cowered in the bed as he approached her, stopping him short.

"I shouldn't have done _this_ to you..." he touched her face, just a ghost of a touch, pulling away instantly as she winced. "And that night... I shouldn't have forced you the way I did. I was all hot and bothered because of the damn kid, and well, your fucking attitude brings shit out in me... But that's not an excuse. I'm a grown man and I should be able to fucking control myself. I was wrong. Look, I'm sorry, Ava. That shit won't ever happen again. You've got my fucking word."

She didn't respond; she just kept her eyes on her hands.

"About the baby," at this she looked up but he was gazing away. "Like I said, I didn't intend for this to happen. Maybe part of me didn't think it could. I mean, all these fucking wives and no babies... I should have known the doc was slinging the Pill behind my back. If I could go back, maybe I'd let you... I don't know. It is what it is. I'm not a monster. I'm not going to keep you here if you don't want that. But I can't have you working the fields with my child inside of you. So you'll stay here and have the baby, then you're free to go."

She almost couldn't comprehend his words.

"You'll just let me go?"

"Yes, if that's what you want."

"Nine months..." She breathed the words.

"The way things are escalating with Rick, that may be your best bet. I'm doing my best to avoid all out war, but boy... You people are fucking stubborn."

"But I'll be free to go, no matter what happens?"

"Yes,  _you'll_ be free to go."

Something in the way he emphasized her pronoun gave her pause.

"Me."

"You."

"Just me," her voice deflated.

"Just you. You would be welcome to stay with the baby, of course."

Ava closed her eyes and rolled away from him, pulling the covers over her shoulder.

"You are a monster, Negan."

Neither of them said another word and she fell into a troubled sleep.

 


	25. A Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava and Negan adjust to the new aspects of their relationship.

Chapter Twenty-Five: A Promise

 

Negan left Ava alone for a couple of days. She kept her regular sessions with Doctor Harlan, who seemed to be the exact opposite of his brother. He also appeared to be just as terrified as she was. He almost felt like an ally, but Ava was careful not to let herself get too close, not to trust anyone. He helped her walk the halls and stairways. Everyday she felt better... and worse.

She was completely aware of the bunch of cells growing and multiplying within her. She was also completely aware of how necessary life was in this world, and how fleeting it could be. She had managed to control her desperate thoughts... Of course, if she had any real control she wouldn't be in this position. She wasn't ready for a baby, in this world or any other. But she didn't have that kind of control anymore; she only had control over her unraveling thoughts which she somehow managed to contain. It did not matter that it was Negan's child. It would receive his genes and that was all. If he thought she would give her baby up to him, he was blind.

She didn't think that was what he truly expected, though. He was just setting up another trap for her. With Daryl gone he had nothing to motivate her loyalty. She believed that he had not expected her to get pregnant, but she also believed that he wouldn't hesitate to use the pregnancy to his own advantage. That was just how Negan worked.

He'd also mentioned trouble with Rick. He didn't seem worried about it but she'd seen what Rick was capable of. The way he could unite people was different, _stronger,_ than Negan's hold. She had always suspected he would find a way to come after Negan.

_I'm gonna kill you..._

Nine months was a long time. Anything could happen. She would bid her time, do what she had to do to survive. That was all she could ever do. Now she had another reason to stay alive. Her eyes flitted down to her flat stomach, then she got up and began her regular stretches and exercises. She was in the middle of them when Negan came in.

"Pretty good form, little bird." His voice was amused.

She got up smoothly, encouraged by her increasing strength. She didn't let it show on her face, though, watching him cross her bedroom as if it belonged to him; in truth it was his more than hers.

"So things are just back to the way they were?" Her voice wasn't as quiet as it used to be.

Negan looked at her as he sat down and poured himself a drink.

"Look, Ava, I know I fucked shit up, but so did you. Let's make it a clean slate. We were getting along pretty well." He continued to watch her face closely, but his gaze dropped as he continued. "No one gets a free ride in the Sanctuary, little bird."

"I wouldn't call carrying your child a free ride, Negan."

He took another drink, twisting his head in a strained gesture.

"Yeah, but it's not enough. You were my wife. It was expected."

"So I'm your wife again, with no say?" She pushed, even though she knew she shouldn't, and his eyes grew darker.

"I realize I went over the line before and I will try to make that up to you. But yes, at least for the next nine months, you will be my wife."

Ava held his gaze but it was impenetrable. If anything, she'd learned in her time here that this was a futile battle; one that would only harm her.

"We both crossed lines," she said, watching his gaze soften very slightly. "But I want more."

"Oh...?" Negan prompted her as he took another sip.

"No more of this probation bullshit. If I'm your wife, I don't want to be cooped up in this room. I want to be able to go where anyone else can go."

"Alright," Negan nodded.

"I'm not leaving this baby. I want your word. As long as I'm here, this is my child as much as yours. I want you to promise me that you won't take it from me."

Negan remained silent for a moment, then said,

"As long as you promise the same."

"I promise." She didn't hesitate.

"Alright, you have my word."

"Then I suppose we're back to the way things were before," she said, taking a book from her shelf and climbing into her bed.

"Well alright, then." Negan downed the rest of his drink and put the glass down. He walked over to her, kissing her lightly on the side of the forehead.

"You rest. I've planned a little outing tomorrow. I'll see you in the morning."

She nodded, gave a small smile, and watched him leave her room. It took all her self-control not to throw her book at the door in frustration. She took deep breaths and calmed herself. When that didn't work she got up and finished her exercises. She didn't care about Negan's stupid outing, or his trap, which he managed to justify in his own twisted mind. She had gained a small victory. She at least had free roam of the Sanctuary. She'd been tempted to explore but she was already in her nightgown and it was dark out. Still, she'd also managed to obtain a promise from Negan. She trusted it about as much as she trusted herself keeping the same promise. Still... she had small victories. More than anything, she hoped that Rick would find a way to intervene before she even had a baby to worry about... Nine months was such a long time... She would continue to play her role, but she was just waiting for the tides to turn against Negan and she would flee as quickly as her wings would carry her.


	26. An Elevation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava gets to know Negan's remaining wives and experiences her first taste of freedom in the Sanctuary.

Chapter Twenty-Six: An Elevation

 

The next day Ava got through her morning routine of physical therapy without feeling any pain.

"Just as I thought," Harlan said with a smile. "You're healing beautifully."

"Can I go for a walk on my own? Negan said it was alright."

"I don't see why not."

Ava felt a lightness come over her that nearly took her breath away. She wondered when happiness had become so unrecognizable to her.

"I'd dress for it, though. It's getting cold."

Ava searched her drawers but all she could find were skirts, dresses and tops. Peering out the window she saw that the doctor was right so she went across the hall and knocked. A woman she'd seen several times but never spoken with opened the door. Her ivory skin was smooth and unblemished. It shone against her dark hair and onyx eyes.

"Hi," Ava's voice was small again.

The woman's dark eyes widened as she opened the door even more. "It's Ava, right?"

"Yes..." She hesitated as she looked around at the other women.

"Yes, come in! I'm Tanya. Sorry, we were never... properly introduced." Her voice petered out awkwardly.

"No, we weren't."

"Well, um, this is Amber," she said, motioning toward an attractive woman with pale skin, almost opalescent, and long blonde hair. She waved shyly to Ava but hunched her shoulders and wouldn't meet her eyes.

"That over there is Marta," she gestured to another very pretty and very young woman, this one with olive skin and full dark brown hair that fell in waves to her ribcage. She smiled in response, but seemed reserved and quickly ducked her head.

"Lauren is over there," Tanya pointed to yet another beautiful woman. Her skin tone was like bronze-washed espresso and she had full, black curls spiraling along her waistline. She was sitting against the far wall and she inclined her head, her brilliant smile actually putting Ava somewhat at ease.

"And you met Frankie." Ava nodded and smiled to all of them.

"It's nice to meet you," she began. "I didn't mean to interrupt or anything."

"Please, you're one of us now," Tanya said.

Ava gave another weak smile.

"Yeah, now that she's allowed out of her room?" Lauren scoffed as she got up.

"How're you doing?" She asked.

For some reason, maybe it was the woman's large, kind eyes, Ava felt like crying but she didn't.

"I'm alright... It's just... well, I was going to go out for a walk but," she looked down at her dress, then around at all of them in similar lines. "Is this all we can wear? I mean, are there pants in this place?"

Lauren laughed out loud as she and Tanya directed her toward the closet.

"Negan don't like his ladies in pants; I think it's some twisted sense of gentrification," Lauren said. "He'll let us wear jeans when we go outside though... If it's cold." She led her to a back wall which was lined with drawers, then peered at her bottom half and glanced toward Tanya. "What do you think?"

"I'd say size four, maybe six." Tanya responded.

They both rose their eyebrows at her, but then Tanya made a squeak that interrupted her reply.

"Oh, wait..." She hurried toward a bottom drawer and dug around toward the back. "You brought these in with you and we got them cleaned." She pulled out Ava's Army coat, T-shirt, jeans and gloves. Ava nearly cried out, reaching for them. "Size eight, yeah, you can't wear this style, though." Tanya said, reading the tag on the jeans.

"I'll just take the gloves... They're special." Ava said.

"Hey, you can take it all. Keep it in your room. Just don't wear them or Negan will flip a gasket." Tanya replied.

"It's nice to have another girl around here who ain't a stick figure," Lauren mumbled with a laugh as she began to dig through the drawers.

She handed a pair of jeans to Ava, then pulled a sweater down from a hanger.

"Do you mind if I come along? I'd like to get some air." Tanya looked too eager for her to deny so she smiled and nodded.

"What about... Lauren, would you...?" Ava felt even more socially awkward than usual and she hated it.

"Oh, no, girl, I'm good. It's all wet and cold out today. No thanks."

Tanya was already beginning to change her clothes as Lauren left the room and Ava hesitated. She'd never changed, casually, in front of another woman besides her mother and Carol. She quickly moved to do so when Tanya looked at her curiously, however. She didn't want to appear anymore awkward than she already was. Frankie came in as they finished changing.

"I'm coming along, but I'll meet you outside... How about by the apple trees?"

Ava and Tanya started out, stopping by Ava's room to drop her things off first. She kept her gloves, though, shoving them into her pocket and hurrying back into the hall. It was so strange, walking freely through The Sanctuary. People seemed friendly toward them as they passed but she could tell their smiles were hollow, plastic things. Tanya didn't seem to mind, though, offering cheerful greetings and introducing Ava to half a dozen people who's names and faces flew through Ava's mind, although she tried to remember them.

She watched as Tanya gathered up a basket of food she called a "light snack" and couldn't help noticing the hungry people around them... how their clothes hung, how their faces darkened as they watched. The lady, who appeared to be running some sort of check-out system for the food, glared as she watched Tanya meander easily to the front of the line, skipping all of the other people, and dropping the heavy basket on the table.

"Picnic time!" Tanya smiled and winked at Ava. "This is the new birdie. She's with me, Edna." The woman nodded, bending over a gigantic ledger in front of her and tacking items off. Ava watched her write a large N next to each entry. Tanya led her outside afterward but stopped short. "Oh, it is cold!" She ducked back inside, but returned shortly with a sleeping bag. "And wet," she added.

They proceeded to the gardens and spread the sleeping bag out on the wet grass beneath the apple trees. It was a dreary fall day with overlaying clouds and an odd, clinging damp. Ava thought it was lovely. She stretched out her legs and leaned back, turning her head back and peering into the endless sky. She closed her eyes, enjoying the light, chilly breeze.

"I'm glad you came over," Tanya said, her voice hesitant.

Ava looked at her and smiled.

"Me too."

"We've been wanting to get to know you. It's not often we get to talk to other people..." she faltered. "You know, people not from here."

"All of you have been here...  for how long?"

"Pretty much from the beginning..." Frankie joined them then, and Tanya moved to spread out the picnic.

"How long have we been with Negan?" She asked Frankie, handing some bread, fruit and jerky to Ava.

"Hmmm... I don't know... Long enough to forget. Long enough to not be like Ava here, and Amber." Frankie answered.

"Amber came in right before you," Tanya offered.

"What do you mean, like us?" Ava asked.

"Well, you remember, what it was like before the end of the world, before Negan... you cling to it. You can't forget... You, though, I can understand. He took you. That's unusual... He's never done that before. New women come into the Sanctuary and he'll proposition them. That's how Amber joined us. But that's different. You didn't know The Sanctuary, or Negan. You didn't know what you were coming into, and you can't forget."

Ava hadn't realized her eyes had filled with tears and she pushed them away.

"No, I can't forget."

Frankie's eyes were sympathetic but she shrugged.

"But, you know... Life is what it is. At least we're alive."

They all ate in silence for a time, thinking of things they had lost that they could never get back again. Ava turned her mind from those thoughts and decided to walk the gardens. It was nice to have company but she thought she'd like to enjoy her freedom with a bit of solitude. She ran her fingers along the wet leaves and took deep breaths of the cool air. She thought about visiting the cows again but then thought better of it as she saw them huddled together at the far end of the field. She chose to return to the apple trees, reaching up to pick one and take a bite.

"You like to climb trees, right?" Tanya asked, motioning for her to toss one to her.

Ava threw her an apple and nodded. Frankie shook her head when she gestured toward another apple so she continued to eat her own as Tanya continued.

"So go ahead! No one will stop you."

"C'mon, Tanya, she isn't a circus performer," Frankie said, but Ava was only half-listening.

She dropped the apple and pulled her gloves from her pocket. They were like home sliding over her skin. She flexed her hands as the girls continued to chat.

"Hey, at least she doesn't live in the trash like those others... Did you smell them?"

Ava turned to them; surely they weren't talking about her friends.

"Who?" She asked, trying not to seem upset.

"Oh, this new settlement. Not like yours... of course," Frankie stopped short.

"These people actually live in the trash, like, in a landfill! They came by for some meeting or something and of course we didn't get to talk to them, but honestly, I'm not even complaining. The whole place stunk for hours after they left, I swear!" Tanya chattered quickly, obviously trying to lighten the conversation.

Frankie giggled but Ava was already turning away again, looking up into the swaying branches, the flickering leaves... Without even realizing it, she'd squatted and sprang up easily into the low branches. She heard the women squealing and giggling as she pulled herself up but she didn't care. She was home.

The bark felt like the caress of an old lover, the leaves tickling her skin, kissing it with the cold droplets that clung to them. Her eyes plotted her way with ease and her hands and feet followed their path as if they'd never left it. Higher and higher she climbed, feeling the branches begin to bend beneath her weight.

She looked across the trees, listening to Tanya and Frankie laugh and clap below. She had her path and she flew, embracing the wind, swinging with a solid grip, landing with her good leg against each branch to propel herself to the next. On and on she flew as the wind caught her hair and the leaves turned to a blur of rusty brown. She made it to the last apple tree in the row, then flew back down the line, only then noticing that the laughter below her had died away.

She gazed down through the leaves and her heart dropped as she caught sight of Lucille, and Negan's familiar black boots.

"Well, look at my little bird... You seem to be feeling much better."

 


	27. A Fray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan takes Ava out for a trip outside of the Sanctuary.

Chapter Twenty-Seven: A Fray

 

Ava dropped from the branches at Negan's feet, standing slowly.

"I've been looking all over for you," he mused with a smile.

"Sorry," she ducked her head as she removed her gloves.

"No worries, dollface. I'm glad you're feeling better. Now come on, I've got a car waiting." He nodded to Tanya and Frankie, saying, "Ladies," as he turned away.

Ava smiled weakly and hurried to follow him. Her side was a bit tight after her climb but she still felt wonderful. That feeling dimmed as she watched Negan's wide back in front of her. She had no desire to be in his company. She only wished to spend the rest of her life getting as far away from him as possible.

She had no choice but to follow him, though. There was a car waiting out in front of the compound. He smiled as he opened her door. He slid Lucille in beside her and she scooted away from it as they started off. She couldn't help peering out the window eagerly. The trees were all giving way to brown, the rich hues of conifers like spots of warmth in a reaching cold.

"I thought it would be nice to get you out of there." Negan said.

She glanced over at him but he was watching the road.

"Yes, very nice," she said quietly.

"We aren't going far, but I think we're both getting a bit stir crazy." Negan swerved to avoid a walker and Lucille bumped against her leg.

She nodded as she pushed it away.

"Don't be so disgusted with Lucille; she can't help what she is," Negan said, moving the bat against his own leg.

Ava didn't return his smile.

"Who was Lucille?"

His smile died instantly and she regretted her question as the silence grew thick.

"She was my wife."

His voice was barely audible and his tone ended the conversation. She turned back to the window and they arrived at their destination in silence. Negan exited and she opened her own door. They were parked on a small road lined with tall trees on either side. It took everything she had not to flee to them, but a deep breath prompted a dull ache that made her hesitate, as did her dully throbbing knee and Negan's watchful gaze. She saw a handgun and hand axe at his belt. He balanced Lucille against his shoulder as he removed a blanket and bag from the trunk.

"Could you grab that in the backseat, dollface?"

She saw a picnic basket and almost rolled her eyes as she opened the backdoor. The last thing she wanted to do was go frolic through the woods with this monster. She still had no choice, though, so she followed him into the underbrush. He was quieter than she expected in the woods but she was sure she'd be able to hear him coming, if only because of her practiced ears.

"This is my favorite place. I've never brought anyone here before," Negan said, helping her over a fallen tree. She remained quiet.

"I wanted to show you."

"What is it?"

"You'll see."

Before long they came upon a clearing which surrounded a lively creek. It bubbled from a deep pool at the base of an enormous rise of rock which was veiled by a brilliant waterfall. The droplets caught the hidden sunlight of the day, shimmering rainbows and crystal light from every angle. Ava's eyes drank the sight, thirsty for beauty as if they could starve for the lack of it.

"It's beautiful."

Negan was laying the blanket out just outside of the falls' spray. He smiled and beckoned her over, taking the basket from her. She glanced around nervously as he began unloading the contents, wishing she at least had a knife.

"Don't worry. I had the area cleared and I've got some patrols out." He patted the blanket beside him and handed her a plate.

Ava took it and sat down. The food was similar to what she'd been eating with Tanya and Frankie, but Negan also had beer, although he didn't offer her any. Ava hadn't had any alcohol since before the Hole but she worried about the amount of morphine Emmett had given her despite his brother's reassurance. She found that she would hate herself for wishing the baby was alright, feeling like she should hope for some mishap. She struggled to grasp for logic in her mind.

"It's alright, Ava. You don't have to worry."

Obviously her thoughts had been clear upon her face but she couldn't help scoffing at Negan.

"How can you say that to me, Negan? How can you say that after what you've done?"

"Ava, if you break the rules you face the consequences. You broke the goddamn rules the instant you jumped out of that fucking tree and interrupted my introduction to your group. What you don't understand, what all of your friends fail to understand, is that the world fucking changed. All the fucking pieces are scattered across the goddamn board. Life is no longer a fucking game. You survive, no matter what. You protect what is yours, no matter what. You do what you have to, to keep others from beating you down. You don't give them a fucking chance.

"Now, while you assholes were out gathering the goddamn pieces for Candyland, motherfuckers like me learned that the old rules no longer fucking apply and decided to make our own. Motherfuckers like _me_ run shit now. My methods are extreme but they fuckin' work. I am Negan. I built this..." He was getting angry and she ducked her head as his voice rose. "Look," he was trying to control himself, "I know I fucked up with you. I should have never brought you here; I realized that a long fucking time ago... but I wanted you. So I did. I'm a man who takes what he wants, and goddammit I earn every fucking thing I have. Now I've apologized for taking things too far. You've made your own mistakes and suffered your own punishment. Now we move on."

He ate in silence for a time, chugged his beer, and Ava stared at the cascading waters trying to fight back useless tears.

"I'm not a thing, Negan." Her voice was small but she watched the words attack him. "I'm not the only one who broke the rules. You did take things too far... but I'm the only one getting punished." Ava took a deep breath and wiped a stray tear. "I know I'm not the one with the power here. You are Negan. Believe me, I understand that now. But you're going to have to give me some more time or something. I'm just not there yet... I'm scared of you, Negan."

It was a shot in the dark but she had nothing to lose. She was appealing to his humanity, if there was an ounce of it left within him. His face had fallen in a way she wasn't used to. His eyes had no dangerous spark, no sarcastic glint. They were almost solemn...

"Well, damn, little bird..." he dropped his gaze, reaching up to cup her face gently in his gloved hand. "You need to understand that was the entire fucking point." He was smiling when he looked up again and she felt her stomach drop. "But I also understand your point. I realize, I'm going to have to make things up to you. Believe me when I say that I'm going to." She tensed as he moved closer and his smiling lips overcame her. He kissed her passionately and she pushed him back, but then, suddenly, he was pulling away from her.

"Fuck!" He jerked her upright just as she spotted the walkers shambling out of the treeline five feet away. He pushed her into the pool as he reached for Lucille and she lost track of his movements as she struggled to find her footing against the slippery rocks. She saw more walkers on the other side of the pool and heard splashing and growling behind her. She scrambled desperately against the rock wall behind the cascade and found an alcove about six feet up that was several bodies deep. She managed to pull herself in, kicking free of grasping hands that would easily pull her from the slick rocks if they took hold. She just barely found purchase and safety.

Ava peered through the sheet of churning water that rushed in front of her, trying to find sight of Negan or determine how many walkers there were. She counted six but then three more washed down from above, causing her to gasp as they splashed in the pool below. A grunt impacted her surprise and she saw an axe cut through the water, landing at the ledge where she saw hands grasping for purchase... hands she recognized as Negan's.

She grabbed the axe and took his hands, pulling him up without hesitation and feeling a sense of cowardice grip her. She watched him brace himself with Lucille, ready for the walkers that would soon find their way to the alcove via the shallow rise on one side. He signaled for her to take position on the back wall and she did, again, with no hesitation.

She shook her head as her mind screamed at her.

_You should have killed him... You can still kill him!_

She knew that she would die if she did. There were about a dozen walkers, maybe more. She couldn't take them on her own, not with an axe... not from such a cornered position... If she killed him they would all die. Her hand moved to her stomach as she watched Negan take out the first walker to cut through the water. Its head dissolved with one blow from Lucille, melding in droplets through the cascade.

_What does it matter if you die... if you ALL die? It will be worth it to be rid of him. Kill him! He's a monster!_

Her own mind screamed at her more and she gripped the handle of the axe. Two more walkers came through the waters. Negan pushed one against the wall and bashed the other. She swung the axe and aimed for the temple so the blade wouldn't stick...

The second walker fell as her blade wrenched free. Negan grinned at her right before he took another down.

_You're a coward._

She wasn't ready to die. She slashed another walker, then ended it with the backstroke. She wanted to see Daryl again. She started taking them down with each swing, backing further along the wall as they came in waves. She braced her foot against them when her axe stuck, pulling it loose and kicking them back. She gritted her teeth and stood her ground, watching Negan swing Lucille viciously, his own voice grunting maniacally. She wasn't a coward... She was selfish. She wasn't ready to die.

She hacked the last walker over and over with ferocious strokes, screaming with a fury she hadn't felt in a long time, imagining it wore Negan's face but seeing Gorman in the split, deadened folds of flesh, muscle and bone.

"Hey now... We're okay, little bird." Negan contained her arms from behind and pulled the axe from her rigid fingers, turning her around to hug her as she dissolved into tears.

"We're okay..." He said the words over and over as he stroked her hair and soon his voice became white noise, blending with the rushing water. His lips found hers and she returned his kiss automatically, then roughly pushed him away.

"Please, Negan," she was still crying. "This isn't how I want you to make it up to me." His hands grew hard on her shoulders.

"Dammit, Ava... What do you WANT? What do I need to do for a clean slate? I want to fucking make this work! What do you fucking want?" His voice was desperate and she knew she had him.

"I don't know," she sobbed, pressing her forehead against his shoulder. "I need time, to start with," she whispered.

Negan sighed and held her against him. She felt so small.

"Alright, Ava... I can do that. Now let's get you out of here."

 

 


	28. A Breach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava and Negan get back to The Sanctuary just in time to deal with a breach in security.

Chapter Twenty-Eight: A Breach

 

Ava hurried behind Negan, dripping wet, limping, and sore. They went a different way then they'd come and he left all of their picnic supplies in the clearing. Eventually, she saw the edge of a road. Negan paused and she stopped behind him, ducking as he did. He stayed still and quiet for several moments and she followed his gaze to the edge of her vision, where she saw a truck parked. Negan looked at her and she knew to follow him as he skirted through the trees toward the vehicle.

Two Saviors were leaning against the back of the truck smoking when Negan walked out of the woods. They jerked upright just as he raised his gun, a beautiful silver Desert Eagle .357, and shot the smaller one in the middle of the forehead from about twenty feet. The other started to plead as Negan continued toward him, returning the handgun to its holster. Lucille ended that man, and Ava cringed as his slow execution awakened memories. Negan squatted down among the gore and retrieved a pair of keys, then looked at her again, but didn't say a word as he opened the passenger door. She stepped over the mess and hurried into the cab.

The sky was settling into darkness as they drove back to the Sanctuary. They traveled in complete silence and she could feel the anger radiating from him. She clenched her hands to try not to shiver in her wet clothes. As they pulled in she saw that people were scrambling around.

"What the fuck is happening?" Negan asked the first man they encountered.

"Negan, we've been trying to radio... There's been a breach. Can't have been more than three minutes ago. I think we got it contained to the north wing."

"Fucking shit! Alright, get her to her room. If anything fucking happens to her I'll have your entire family on spikes."

Then he was gone, and a terrified Savior who seemed more nervous than brave quickly led her around to the back entrance past the locker room. His hand shook holding his gun as he hesitated around the stairway. That hesitation cost him his life as she watched his head explode.

Ava dropped, holding her head as her ears rang with the gunshot exploding in the corridor. She looked up as the shooter rounded the corner and suddenly felt an involuntary smile take over her face. She could barely hear what Sasha said, pushing past her gun to embrace her. She could only hear her own voice saying her name over and over again.

"Sasha!"

"Shit, you're alive," Ava finally understood her words and nodded. Sasha scanned the stairwell, lowered her gun and reached up to hug her again, holding her face as she pulled away. She saw her take in the sight of her much-faded bruises.

"Quickly, Ava... Where is he?" Sasha's face was lit with a determination that made her feel small.

"He's looking for you... His room is on the top floor, the last room, on the right. You can wait for him there or go look for him in the north wing. Go across the catwalk on the next floor to get there, but be careful, either way... He's looking for you. Maybe you should wait in my room... he'll end up there eventually..." She felt useless.

"No... I'm not waiting for anything. Listen, Ava. Go back downstairs, to the fence, behind the guard shack. I left some bolt cutters at the foot of the fence, where I used some wire to close my entrance. Just get the fuck out of here. Eugene has been compromised." Sasha let her go then and moved to continue up the stairs.

"Wait! Sasha... Daryl... Is he safe?" Ava clung to her hand desperately.

Sasha's face softened as she paused.

"He's safe."

Then she was gone, flying up the stairs as Ava flew down. She went out the backdoor again, ducking against structures as she made her way toward the fence. The bolt cutters were exactly where Sasha said they would be. She grabbed them, realizing how big they were, then ducked against the guard shack as two Saviors rushed by, breathing deep. Her rib and knee were aching horribly now. She'd already pushed herself too hard. She closed her eyes as she tried to imagine fleeing, as she tried to imagine what Negan would do to her if she got caught. More Saviors rushed by, their radios blaring. She waited for them to leave, then she held the bold cutters against her leg and ran back to the door, her heart pounding. Back up the stairs she flew. A Savior stopped her on the third floor but she managed to keep the bolt cutters out of sight as she told him her escort had been killed. She continued on as he reached for his screaming radio.

"Get to your room!" His voice echoed after her and she listened to it.

Luckily she made it there without further incident. She hid the bold cutters behind the full body mirror, feeling a sickness grow in her stomach. If Negan found them like he'd found the knife... She swallowed hard and took a deep breath. It didn't matter. She had to risk it. She just had to try to find a better hiding spot; at least she had free reign now. Her mind was screaming at her again, calling her a coward, but she knew she'd made the correct decision. Just breathing was agony at the moment. The walker encounter had taken a lot out of her. She couldn't imagine running or climbing right now.

She winced as she peeled off her wet clothes and put on a long nightgown, her slippers, and robe. She brushed her hair out as she paced her room, listening at the door on occasion but hearing nothing. Soon her aching body forced her to lay down, but she refused to sleep, staring at the door and willing it to open. She was shocked when it actually did. She saw relief flood Negan's face as he saw her.

"It was Sasha... Is she dead?" She had already decided her best course of action was to tell as much of the truth as possible.

"How the fuck do you know?" Negan asked.

"She killed the man you left me with, in the stairwell. I saw her, but only briefly." He had started toward her but stopped a few paces away.

"She tried to kill me... took out a few guys to get to me... but no, she's not dead."

"She and Abraham were together. You killed him in front of her." Ava watched his face darken.

"Big Red?" She only nodded in response. Negan rubbed his face with both hands and she realized he was exhausted.

She got up, wincing, and followed him silently as he crossed the room and poured a drink. She walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing against him.

"Please don't hurt her." She breathed the words and closed her eyes. She felt him tense, then relax as he moved to take a drink.

"You people never stop pushing me."

She just kept her eyes closed; she felt him take another drink. Then he turned in her arms and she loosened her grip. His fingers beneath her chin prompted her face up toward his.

"This is how we get to our clean slate, you understand?" His eyes were like burning coals but she nodded, even as her throat grew tight over any words.

He took another drink, chugging the last of it, and growled as he slammed the glass down.

"Alright, little bird... The things I fuckin' do for you. This is the third goddamn assassination attempt I've let slide from you people." He kissed her roughly on the head, then started back out the door.


	29. A Safeguard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava makes another deal with Negan in an effort to keep her friends safe. Every deal she makes feels like a trap, however, and Negan keeps adding new twists.

Chapter Twenty-Nine: A Safeguard

 

Ava tried not to let sleep overcome her. She knew that he would be back soon, but she was exhausted and he took longer than she expected. She fell into fitful nightmares, dreaming of Grady. The hospital corridor was stretching out before her, darkened at the far end with flickering lights within each room along the way. She gazed into each one but saw only darkness, with a bucket and a mat. She walked faster, pulling her medical gown up on her shoulders.

_"Come on, sugar... Where are you?"_

She jerked away from Gorman's voice, everywhere, but nowhere... She went faster.

_"Come on, boys; she's around here somewhere..."_

Ava sobbed and ducked into one of the darkened rooms, but the door slammed shut behind her.

_"Gotcha!"_

Gorman's cruel face was vivid in the darkness, his tongue darting out to lick his worm-like lips. The other officers had shadowed faces but their badges shone.

_"We'll all have a go and you'll be a good girl or I'll just tie you up like last time and you'll catch a beating too. It'll be worse that way but it won't stop us."_

_"Please,"_ She cried, and felt hands brushing her hair back... grazing her shoulders.

" _You shouldn't have run. I told you, you'd regret it."_

She cried out, then suddenly the hands were on her face, firm, but somehow, gentle.

"Hush, little bird, I'm not going to hurt you." Negan's voice woke her up.

She blinked and his face swam into her view.

"You need to understand, what happened before... That won't happen again. I can get overzealous in the bedroom, I'll admit." His eyes dropped as he pushed her robe back. He licked his lips as his fingers fluttered against her hip and waist. She shivered, feeling as though she hadn't yet escaped her dream. "You make it easy to get carried away. But I won't ever force you like that again, you understand?"

She nodded as his eyes came back up to her face.

"If I ever take things too far, you just say a safe word. I will stop immediately. All you have to say is, 'Sanctuary', do you understand?"

"Why can't I just say 'no' or 'stop'?" She asked.

He moved closer to her and she felt her body shiver as he pressed against her.

"Sometimes we say no, but we don't really mean it," his voice rumbled against her shoulder, but she persisted.

"When I say no, I mean it."

"Fine, if you want to say no, just fuckin' placate me and say the safe word. I like a bit of spice here and now... this keeps you from getting burned. Do you understand?"

She nodded, not wanting to anger him. His hands moved up to her shoulder, sliding her robe down.

"So, what is the safe word?" He asked, testing her with his voice and fingers.

"Sanctuary," she breathed, and his fingers stopped.

"Good girl."

He threw her robe aside, then stood to remove his jacket.

"Do you want to say it again?" He asked.

"How is Sasha?"

"Sasha can take care of her goddamn self, little bird. Don't you fuckin' worry about her." He chuckled as he pulled his shirt off.

"She's fine," he said, looking at her face again. "She's perfectly comfortable. You can even have a little chat with her tomorrow."

Ava was sure that the relief flooded her face as his own features softened, watching her. He brushed her cheek in an affectionate way.

"Do you want to say it again?"

"No."

He bent down to kiss her and she had forgotten the way his mouth overcame hers; the way his lips prompted hers open with a natural ease. The way his smooth tongue owned her... He reminded her thoroughly, the force of his kiss pressing her head back against the pillow as he climbed over her. His hands cupped her face as his mouth softened against her, then pulled away.

He kissed her eyes, prompting her to close them, then her cheeks, forehead, neck, and shoulders... He ducked lower as his hands pulled her nightgown up and over her head. His fingers lit against her bruised side, followed by ghosting kisses. Then she felt his hand turn lightly against her sprained knee, and his lips pressing gently against the inside of it. Ava shivered as she felt his lips move along her inner thigh, in tune with his hands gently prodding her underwear down. Then those lips were against her clit, opening to allow his tongue to flick out against it.

Ava immediately succumbed to his skill as he nudged her legs wider, although still gentle, and dove into her fully. His mouth and hands proceeded to work her up into a frenzy. Her moans pitched slightly as she felt her side ache and he backed off a bit, prompting her softly over the edge of ecstatic bliss. He rose between her legs and removed his pants, gently putting her knees together and moving her over on her side so her broken rib was up off the bed. His hands stroked gently between her legs, continuing his expert fondling as his penis slid slowly, but completely, inside of her.

He rocked softly, with smooth pumps so he didn't jar her. His hand guided her hips, sliding down when they found a slow rhythm, to caress her clit again as his lips played across her shoulders and neck. A slow build grew and stabilized between them. She wanted to cry; he made her feel so good and she hated her body for its betrayal. His prowess was incessant alongside his gentle endurance and she rose up into ecstasy once again, this time crashing against it in unison with him.

"God damn, little bird!" Negan chuckled as he patted her hip lightly and pulled out.

She shivered as the emptiness overcame her, feeling him roll over next to her to reach into the nightstand.

"You are fuckin' amazing." She heard the sound of a lighter and soon a line of smoke filtered around her.

"C'mere," his voice was muffled and she saw the cigarette between his lips as his hands prompted her around and toward him.

"I mean," he removed the cigarette to exhale a cloud of smoke as he motioned for her to join him against the pillows. Ava moved stiffly at first, tucking herself beneath the crook of his arm and laying against his bare chest. She'd only laid with one other person in the world like this and she closed her eyes as she thought of him, trying to listen to Negan as he went on. "If I'd've met you first I probably wouldn't even need all these other wives." He took another drag and chuckled. "Well, maybe just a couple."

"They're very nice," she said, watching the smoke curl in the air.

"The girls? Oh yeah, I've got good taste. They seem to like you." The silence thickened along with the smoke and she began to doze... she was so tired.

"Crazy fucking day," Negan murmured; she felt his fingers in her hair.

She opened her eyes and mumbled agreement but sleep was falling hard over her. He kissed the top of her head as it covered her completely.

 


	30. A Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Ava finds herself continually trapped by Negan in an effort to protect her friends, she begins to panic. She struggles to keep her head, get Sasha out, and find a way to escape without getting caught.

Chapter Thirty: A Flashback

Ava awoke with Negan the next morning, still wedged against his naked body. He stretched as she moved away, wincing.

"You okay, little bird?" His voice was concerned.

She nodded. "Crazy fucking day..." she murmured and he smiled.

"If you're feeling up to it I can show you where Sasha is. You should be able to make it back by the time Harlan gets here." Negan started to get dressed and picked off the breakfast tray that had been brought in while they slept.

"I think I can manage that," Ava said, although she winced again as she climbed out of bed.

She moved to dress as well, wishing for the hundredth time that she could wear pants.

"Why do you make all your wives wear dresses most of the time?" She asked, on a whim.

Negan shrugged as he ate his toast, then said,

"It's a fucked up world, little bird. A man likes to be surrounded by pretty things when he makes it back home."

Ava shrugged herself in response and pulled on a pleated black skirt and black sweater.

"You see? Goddamn!" Negan barked laughter as he came over to her, popping a sliver of apple into his mouth before he took her around the waist.

"You're fucking gorgeous." He kissed her shortly and gripped her buttock firmly before he let her go.

He sat her down in front of the tray, prompting her to eat as he finished getting ready, then grabbed Lucille and opened the door.

"Let's get going, I've got a lot of shit to do today."

Ava followed him down the hall and stairs. It was like Deja Vu... as if she were trapped in some warped, horrid cycle. Stuck in some twisted sexual contract to protect someone she loved, following him through the halls to visit her captive friends... She swallowed as they turned toward the Hole. Her throat constricted as they approached it but they kept going, around the corner and several doors down. She tried to control her thoughts, which were becoming panicked and unraveled. Negan finally stopped at a door and knocked curtly.

"You've got a visitor, Sasha dear," he said, then turned to Ava. "Now, this door is locked but you two ladies can have a little chat. Don't you miss the doc, okay?" He kissed her deeply, his gloved fingers reaching along the back of her neck. "You have a good day, little bird. I'll see you tonight."

She watched him go back the way they'd come, then pressed herself against the door.

"Sasha? Are you okay?"

"Ava?" She could hear tears in Sasha's voice. "Why are you still here?"

"I couldn't do it. It was too crazy with the alarm already raised, plus I've got a broken rib and busted knee..." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I got the...cutters." She glanced around the silent hall. "But I can't... He's going to find them. Sasha, I need to know if I can trust Harlan."

"Yes, yes... Harlan you can trust. Ava, listen, I don't have a lot of time. I need a gun, a knife, anything."

Ava pressed her forehead against the door, wincing as she breathed.

"I can try... Maybe a knife. If I get caught-Sasha..."

"I know, I saw your face. I didn't know... about your rib...Are you okay, Ava? What are you doing to keep him from-I mean... he told me I should thank you. What did he mean?"

Ava tried not to cry.

"Just get out of here, Sasha... Maybe I can find a way."

"No, Ava. I have something to do. I HAVE to. Negan knows something. I have to stop him. Just get me a weapon."

"I don't know if I can. He's careful with me now, since Daryl...If I get caught..." She couldn't curb the terror in her voice, couldn't stop the tears. The Hole was so close.

"Okay, look... I already convinced Eugene to get me something. I just wanted a plan B. I don't trust Eugene anymore, but I managed to convince him. Don't take the risk. Just get the fuck out of here, Ava, as soon as you can."

"I will. You do the same."

"I'm pretty sure I'll be leaving soon." Ava hated the manic laughter she heard behind Sasha's words. "Is he hurting you, Ava?" She whispered.

"He's hurt all of us." She forced her tears away. "I'll try to talk to you again soon."

She left, still fighting not to cry as she stumbled past the Hole. Her fumbling steps wrenched her knee and side but she hurried down the hall nonetheless. She took it easy on the stairs and met Harlan in her room, grateful.

"Harlan, thank goodness," she winced as she hurried to shut the door.

"Jesus, what did he do to you?"

"No, it was walkers. Yesterday we went out and there was a small herd. I'm alright." She waved him off and reached behind her mirror, pulling the bolt cutters out.

The doctor's eyes widened.

Ava held one finger against her lips and motioned around her room. She was still sure Negan had it bugged. "Sasha," she said. "Please, just do something." She offered the bolt cutters to him, mouthing the word "Hide", and he nodded then immediately put them in his large case.

"I can only do so much. Negan is being lenient, I'm told, in large part because of you."

Ava thanked him with her eyes. They proceeded with her examination then and she discovered that she wasn't as beat up as she'd expected.

"You're still healing, you're young, but you've agitated the bruising and raw muscle fibers. I want you in bed for the rest of the day, the next COUPLE of days, with plenty of water, sleep and food. I'll be back in the morning, of course. You need to try to take it easy."

Ava scoffed at him but followed his orders, climbing right into bed. She was exhausted but she felt a sense of relief as she watched Harlan exit with his bag safe in hand. She sank into the blankets and tried to escape, as Sasha had told her, in the only way she really could at the moment.

She thought of Daryl. She hadn't thought of him in so long, because it hurt too much. She pictured him again, now that she knew he was safe. She saw him as she so often did, framed by leaves as she stalked him through the forest. She closed her eyes and let herself fall into her memories... She watched him take out walkers as she made her way toward him. Her machete swinging from above took out a few along her way. He heard her as she approached.

"It'd be nice to do this in a bed for once." He mused, wrenching an arrow from a walker skull.

"You're the one who doesn't want to tell anyone. I could care less." Ava replied.

She moved to take out another walker but Daryl got it first so she proceeded to pull her long sleeves and gloves off. She was sweating.

"Everyone will be... I just don't wanna deal with it."

"I know," Ava watched him retrieve his arrow. "People can be weird. But I don't care. You want to hide in the woods, that's fine. I'd parade the streets of Alexandria with you naked if that's what you wanted. It doesn't matter to me." As she watched him make his way back she dropped from the trees in his path, as naked as her suggestion. Daryl clenched his jaw, breathing hard as he looked her over.

"Shit, woman... you do that, you're likely to start a damn riot." He hurried to remove his shirt as he started toward her.

He embraced her completely, his lips coming firm and commanding over hers, his hands pressing her hard against him. He always kissed her like that, as if he were trying to meld them into one. She was sure he would succeed one day as she was going to let him try as often as he wanted for as long as she lived.

His hands dropped down to cup her buttocks and lift her smoothly onto his hips as he continued to kiss her hard. She clung to him as he pitched her back against the soft grass and struggled to remove his pants. She helped him, desperate to get him inside of her.

"Please," she whined, taking his full length in hand and directing him.

But he needed no direction, plunging in hard and fast to her ready depth. They both breathed together in satisfaction, then he built up a steady momentum, rocking back to slow strokes every time her eager voice called over the edge. He wouldn't let her cross it though, coming to a complete stop if he had to... pausing to kiss her desperate flesh.

Finally, she shoved him roughly away and he laughed slightly, but that laughter died in the back of his throat as he watched her roll over onto her hands and knees. She flipped her hair and arched her back as she gazed back at him, biting her lip. He reached for her with an involuntary growl and was inside of her pumping hard within a heartbeat. He held her shoulders and fought to control his pace but she rocked her hips and tossed her hair and all of his control seeped away and into her.

His fingers twisted lightly in her curls as he gripped her hard and let his urges ride through his thrusts, driving into her with complete abandon. They both lost control then, calling out together into the forest, glad for the emptiness as they climaxed together loud and hard. Ava laughed as she pulled away from him, throwing a handful of dirt and leaves she'd gripped hold of during their lovemaking at his chest.

"How's that for your bed?" She scoffed at him and he returned her laughter as he pushed her over onto her back and kissed her, causing the dirt to rain down on her as well.

"You're a freak, ya know?" He chuckled, touching her hair.

"I mean, I can fuck you in a tree," she laughed as he pinched her side. "No, really... I think I could pull it off, if that'll do your fancy." She laughed more as he continued to tickle and kiss her.

 And Ava fell into sleep with the sounds of their lovemaking and laughter ringing in her memory.


	31. An Experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava is taken off guard by an unexpected side of Negan.

Chapter Thirty-One: An Experience

 

Ava heeded the doctor's advice and slept the day away. Her dreams faded between wonderful and torturous but they were interrupted by Negan prodding her out of bed toward the dinner tray, insisting she needed more food. Her appetite had been thin lately and she'd only been craving fresh produce, especially fruit. Negan piled more veggies on her plate and forced her to eat a heel of zucchini bread.

"After dinner, I wanted to show you a little surprise." He said, after she'd eaten enough for him to finally relax.

"Another surprise?" She cocked an eyebrow at him and he chuckled in response.

"No, this isn't far. I think you'll like it."

She shrugged and finished eating her fruit, watching him carefully. He seemed pleased with himself, but in an innocent kind of way. She wasn't used to it and she didn't trust it. She followed him from the room nonetheless. They didn't go far, just a couple of doors down the hall. Ava followed slowly, but she was feeling slightly better. At least she could breathe comfortably again. Negan waited with his hand on the knob until she was beside him, then he opened it.

Ava felt her breath hitch in her throat. It was a nursery... but not just any nursery. It was like something out of a magazine or a fairy tale. Every single wall was covered with a delicate mural-like wallpaper that created a detailed woodland scene. Every forest creature, tree, and flower she could think of was depicted. She started into the room, her eyes sweeping up along the ceiling where a line of twinkling lights sparkled amidst draped lacework and gauze. Her hands moved automatically over the delicate wooden furniture and shelves, covered with soft fabrics, stuffed animals, books, and knick knacks. There was even a mobile over the crib that fit in with the woodland scene. She swallowed hard as Negan came in, watching her face expectantly.

Tears were in her eyes; she was shaking. It was absolutely beautiful. It was perfect... and he was completely insane. Truly insane, because he had no idea that he was.

"What do you think?" He was desperate for her approval and her hand clenched over her stomach.

"It's beautiful," she managed, though her voice broke.

"I got this set up while you were recovering. The girls worked really hard on it but they had help, of course...Probably a waste of fuckin' man-power but... I wanted to make a fucking gesture, I guess-"

Ava turned away from him and he trailed off. It had been different before. He'd accepted his cruelty, acknowledged it, relished it even. How could he now pretend she really wanted to be in this situation?

"Look, Ava, I know none of this is ideal," he began, as if in response to her thoughts. "I'm trying to make the best of things. After everything works out with Alexandria, and I think it will soon... It will be nice to focus on living. That IS my goal. It just takes a firm hand to live these days." He'd walked up beside her, next to the crib, and he spun the mobile as he finished, "it's just nice to find these soft parts."

Ava pivoted her face away so he wouldn't see it. This must have been Sherry's room... she closed her eyes again, fighting tears.

"C'mon," he went on, after a pause. "I've got another surprise." Here she heard his dangerous playfulness again. Still, she took a deep breath and followed.

He led her to his room and she felt her nerves begin to buzz. He opened the door for her, just as he had with the nursery. His room looked nearly unchanged aside from a leather-topped table beside which Frankie stood. She smiled nervously to Negan's other wife as he closed the door behind her. Then he moved around her to make a drink for himself as Frankie smiled back.

"I thought a little massage would do you good, little bird."

He watched her over the rim of his glass while he drank and she processed his suggestion.

"It will help you relax." Frankie offered as she approached with a towel. She motioned toward the bathroom. Ava took the towel and followed her direction.

She undressed slowly, watching her scared face in the mirror. She knew where this led. She had absolutely no experience where this led, but she knew. She took a deep breath, thinking of his safe word, wondering if she should use it. Would she be punished in some way if she actually did? What about Sasha, or all those left under Negan's thumb in Alexandria? Perhaps she was only hesitating because she was a lousy person and she was becoming lost within Negan's charismatic skill... in his warped world of chaos and pleasure and cruelty.

She closed her eyes, cutting off the sharp, berating azure, sparked with accusations she couldn't confront. She took a deep breath and tried to control herself. There was a light knock on the door, "I'm ready when you are." Frankie said. Ava wrapped the towel around herself, took another deep breath, and went back out into Negan's room. He was speaking low to Frankie as she organized a small table beside the leather-topped one.

"Oh. There. She. _Is._ " Negan's voice clipped each word at the end, as was his way. "Look at her, Frankie." She blushed as they watched her move to the table. "She's perfection."

Frankie gave a demure smile and nod, laying a thick towel down over the leather, then raising another to block her from view. Ava hurried to drop her towel, "on your stomach," Frankie murmured as she turned her head. She settled onto the table and Frankie covered her with the towel, then helped her readjust in the head rest. She tried to relax but she could feel the taut muscles knotting everywhere with nerves.

Frankie was good at her craft, though. Her hands were on her shoulders, pushing warm oil over her skin as her fingers worked those knots to mush. She moved expertly down her back, discreetly lowering the towel so that Ava didn't even notice. She moaned softly as she worked months of stress from her body. Exhaustion hung on the outskirts of her consciousness, held at bay by the pure pleasure Frankie spread. She was so wrapped in her sensations she almost didn't notice her touch move lower to caress and massage her buttocks... almost. She didn't stop her, though, trying to bury her face further as she imagined Negan watching from his armchair, a drink in his hand. She could hear the ice rattle against the glass.

Frankie's amazing hands worked every muscle in her lower half to butter, then they gently prompted her to turn around.

"I can do the other side, now." Ava hesitated, but turned over. She looked up, blinking in the dim light as Frankie shook the towel out and covered her again. She saw Frankie's eyes flutter over her form, however, choosing to ignore it as she closed her eyes.

"Isn't she magnificent?" Negan's voice was low and dark as Frankie's hands started back at her shoulders.

"She is." Frankie replied. Her hands deftly pushed the towel back down, but avoided her breasts, moving to the plane of her stomach, then her thighs. She was careful with her injured rib and knee, but nearly had her moaning again when she worked on her calves and feet.

"Frankie's good, isn't she little bird?" Negan's voice right above her was a surprise. She opened her eyes to see his upside-down profile. He sipped his drink and raised his brows at her.

"She is." Ava whispered. Negan put his drink down beside the oils and leaned over her.

"She is," he murmured, right before kissing her.

It was odd with his lips backwards; his tongue slid in, confusing her more as it twisted in new ways. His teeth bit gently against her upper lip, a light nibble, and then his kiss deepened substantially. She still felt Frankie's hands on her but they had changed, somehow. They slid back up to her stomach then further up, no longer ignoring her breasts. Ava gasped into Negan's kiss.

"Is this okay?" Frankie breathed.

Negan chuckled against her lips as he pulled away.

"Hmmm... Ava here had a, slightly, sheltered childhood. She skipped the whole 'college experimental phase.' I think she'd like to experience it, though." His hands joined Frankie's for a time, starting at her hips and sliding up along the oiled skin of her waist, stomach, and breasts. It was nearly too much. Ava bit her lip to keep from calling out. "Don't you, Ava?"

She didn't answer but they didn't stop. Negan's lips were on her and she was turned topsy-turvy once again by his upside-down kiss. Frankie's hands were on her thighs again. Negan stopped kissing her to say, "go ahead, try her... She'll let me know if she wants us to stop. You just wait until you hear her song, Frankie."

"Wait!" Frankie hesitated, but Negan chuckled and kissed her again. "Just imagine those fingers inside of you, little bird." Frankie pushed her thighs open, gently, and her expert touch started up toward her pulsing sex. "It's too much, Negan." She breathed the words and he inhaled them, then gave another chuckle.

"This is just the beginning."

They took her then, to a plane of ecstasy she'd never imagined possible. Their hands were like synchronized dancers, playing over every inch of her. She would lose track of who was where. Negan's mouth was hungry, devouring her breasts, her neck and shoulders, her mouth. Frankie's lips touched down on her with a softness that wanted to torture her, but a gentle pressure grew behind them to soothe her instead. Her tongue was a tiny thing, humming and twirling against her in a way that had Ava writhing.

"Careful, now, we don't want to hurt you." Negan's voice was husky and labored. "Let's move this to the bed, girls."

He picked her up then and she felt as though she were in a daze. He placed her gently on the bed, then proceeded to remove the rest of his clothes as Frankie climbed in beside her.

"You really are beautiful," she murmured, almost seeming shy as she laid out beside her, pulling her dress off. Ava felt dumbstruck as Frankie pulled her toward her and kissed her; her lips were like cool rose buds and she tasted herself on her smooth tongue. "You taste like berries..." Frankie breathed between kisses and her hands were all over Ava again, reaching down against her slick sex. Her voice grew desperate against those tortuously soft lips. "And you do like to sing, don't you?" She laughed as Ava blushed.

"I don't think she can help it." Negan said, settling against the pillows beside them.

Frankie laughed softly as she moved to join him. He directed her softly toward his protruding penis, but she had been starting toward it all on her own. Ava averted her eyes as she took him into her mouth.

"C'mon, little bird..." his eyes were burning. "Come show her how it's done."

Ava was about to protest, but Frankie stopped her when she caused Negan to jerk as she pulled away from him.

"Don't be selfish, Negan. Can't you see she's scared?"

Frankie came back to her, moving behind her as she brushed her hair over her shoulder. She felt her lips on her again and the tips of Frankie's bare breast against her back. She closed her eyes, until she felt Negan's arm around her waist pulling her toward him, up onto his lap. She gasped as he gripped her hips and directed her, feeling him enter her suddenly and completely.

"Oh, she can take it," he growled. "Don't worry, Frankie. I know how to make this little bird sing."

Ava spent the rest of the night in a kind of erotic trance. Negan and Frankie were gentle, but thorough. Together they made her come so many times she stopped counting and eventually begged them to stop. She used his ridiculous safe word in the end.


	32. A Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava and Sasha come up with a scheme to thwart Negan and help Rick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days because I'm going to be gone for a couple of weeks, maybe three. I'll be back to weekly postings again when I return.

Chapter Thirty-Two: A Plan

 

Ava jerked awake, desperately thirsty, and slowly began to disentangle herself from Frankie's naked limbs. She managed not to wake her up and tip-toed into the bathroom to dress, drinking a bit of water along the way. She saw that they were both still sleeping when she went back into the room. Looking out the window, she saw that it was still dark. Tip-toeing again, she crossed to the door, then opened and closed it quietly.

She hurried down the hall, stopping in her room where she'd pilfered a butter knife under her bed. She had assumed she could tell him it fell if Negan found it but she'd dropped it at dinner yesterday, pushing it under the wooden frame with her foot, and he'd been a bit distracted. It was only a butter knife but... it was something. She proceeded downstairs, holding her breath as she ducked past the Hole. She was still sore and she didn't think Negan's idea of a massage had helped much. She was desperate to talk to Sasha again, however. She knocked softly at her door, whispering when she heard her move inside.

"Sasha, it's me... Ava."

More cluttering movement, then her voice replying.

"Ava! Did you... Did you manage to get anything?" She sounded desperate.

Ava slid the butter knife under the door, wincing as she heard Sasha's empty laughter.

"I'm sorry... It's the best I could manage... I can try to get something better, I just need more time."

"There is no more time," Sasha moaned behind the door. "I have something else... It might work, but Ava, you don't understand." Her voice dropped and Ava leaned against the door to hear her.

"Negan knows something! Rick, he managed to get some people to... They're going to fight, but somehow Negan _knows_ and I don't know how. He's trying to use me against Rick now, as some kind of negotiation tactic. We're supposedly leaving today. THIS morning! But I have to warn Rick somehow-"

"Who is fighting... Alexandria? They won't make it, even with the Hilltop. Negan and the Saviors will destroy them." Ava was terrified, her stomach turned to ice.

"We found another group; they're strange... they live in a dump, like a landfill, but there are a lot of them. And guns, we got a lot of guns. But Negan knows, Ava!"

"Wait!" Ava clenched her eyes shut, closing out the fear and anxiety in Sasha's voice, trying to think.

"What?"

"One of Negan's wives said there were trash people here, for a meeting with Negan. Shit..." 

"Shit!"

"Shit, they were here, Sasha!" Ava took a deep breath and chose to ignore her pain. "I'll go."

"Ava..."

"I'll go. I have a way out. I'll warn them. How do I get to Alexandria?"

She heard Sasha breathe deeply.

"Don't go to Alexandria. Go to the Hilltop. It would be best if you left right after me and Negan. Tell Maggie that Negan knows about Jadis, that she needs to get to Rick right away. Tell her to leave, as soon as you get there. She will have to move fast; we all will."

Ava felt her heart lighten in spite of her fear.

"Wait, Maggie is alive?!"

She heard Sasha laugh, a tearful laugh.

"Yes. She's alive. She and the baby are fine."

Ava's hand went down to her stomach automatically.

"Alright, good," she wiped her own tears away. "So what is the fastest way to the Hilltop?"

Sasha talked her through the route and they were going over the details when Negan's familiar stride peaked her attention. She shushed Sasha just in time to watch him round the corner.

"There you are, little bird. You just up and disappeared this morning." His voice was relaxed, as was his smile.

"Sorry. I really wanted to catch up with Sasha."

"Well, of course. I understand. It's a good thing, too, because she's going to be leaving us today. I need her help smoothing things over in Alexandria."

"Is everything alright?" Ava fought to keep her voice steady.

Negan smiled and put his arm around her waist.

"Don't you worry your pretty little head, babydoll. Everything is going to be just fine. Here," he reached into his pocket suddenly and pulled out a set of keys. "How about you see her off with me."

He moved to open the door and Sasha came out looking, thankfully, unharmed. Ava couldn't help hugging her and held her against her for a moment.

"Don't worry, little bird! I'm going to take good care of her. Come on, I'll show you a bit of my plan." He started down the hall then and she and Sasha hurried after him.

They ended up out front where a large flatbed towing truck had been loaded with a single silver-hued casket.

"You see?" Ava cocked her eyebrow at Negan's question.

"More theatrics?"

"Ah, little bird," he walked over to her and kissed her lightly. "You know me so well."

Ava turned away from Sasha's disgusted look.

"What do you think?" Negan asked her.

Sasha shrugged, walking toward the truck and examining the casket.

"We can do this without anyone having to die. This way, we won't even need that thing." Negan said as she walked around it.

"I think it could work," Sasha said, although her voice remained speculative.

"Alright, well, we're about to get this show on the road, little bird. Plus, I think you have a doctor's appointment to get to. Sasha and I are going to straighten out your boy Rick but I'll see you tonight." He kissed her again, deeper, and Sasha couldn't hide her affront but she hugged Ava hard in spite of it.

"You be careful." Ava whispered.

Sasha nodded and she went back into the Sanctuary, hurrying up toward her room where Doctor Harlan waited.

 


	33. A Guard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava prepares to escape The Sanctuary but she encounters a surprising obstacle.

Chapter Thirty-Three: A Guard

 

The doctor was waiting in her room as usual. She let him perform his exam, watching his face intently.

"Am I alright?" She asked. " I mean, am I better?"

He chuckled softly as he packed his things away.

"You _will_ get better, Ava. You need rest and time."

She sighed deeply, as she had neither.

"Let me walk you back." She said, insisting when he tried to get her to rest instead. "That's not an option. I need... What I let you borrow." She stared at him pointedly and his face fell.

"Alright," he opened the door but stopped short, causing her to run into him.

"Well, well," Ava watched as a fierce but beautiful woman took a step into the room. The doctor moved quickly out of her way and Ava backed up. She had skin like burnt cinnamon, high cheekbones and eyes that struck through to her soul. "If it isn't Negan's little bird. You've become a bit famous, you know?"

Ava was at a loss for words, backing up more as the tall, well-muscled woman stepped further into the room.

"I saw you on that first night... you know, when you first met Negan... and Lucille." Her sharp eyes crawled over Ava, an earthy brown flecked with gold."I also saw you on your knees with Negan shoving a rather large diamond down your pretty throat. As much as I liked that picture, you look even better now." She smiled as Ava began to glare. "Don't worry. I'm not gonna bite. I've got specific instructions. You see, today is a big day for Negan and as much as I wanted to go along for the show, I volunteered for little bird watch. Just to give him some peace of mind."

She stopped Ava short when she started to protest.

"Don't worry. It's just one day. Really only until Negan gets back. You need to take it easy anyway, so just climb your pretty tail feathers back into that bed and rest easy."

Ava narrowed her eyes even more, trying to keep her breathing calm.

"Fine. Harlan," she looked at him, stared at him. "Bring me that book I let you borrow since I'm stuck here. I'd like to read it again." He furrowed his brows for half a second, saw her glance at the mirror and nodded.

She looked back at the woman as he left the room.

"What's so exciting about today?" She asked.

The woman smiled, a dangerous smile with a sharp edge of cruelty.

"No, no, little bird. I won't be giving anything away."

"Fine." Ava shrugged and started eating her breakfast. "Why in the world did you want to be stuck here with me, then?" She asked, after some time eating.

"Well, I told you I wanted to get better good look at you," her eyes crawled over her crossed legs and low neckline. "It was worth it, but I wouldn't say no to a little taste as well, if you'd be willing."

"I don't think so," Ava said pointedly.

"I've received one of Frankie's massages before," she winked. "I bet yours are even better."

Thankfully Harlan came back at that time. He looked slightly winded but the guard didn't seem to notice or care, taking the book he offered. The doctor put his bag down as she glanced through the pages. Ava watched him place a needle discreetly on the table as he walked by it, beside the pitcher of water.

" _The Handmaid's Tale..._ How appropriate," the guard scoffed cruelly. Ava moved toward the table and bag.

"I'm going to use the bathroom," Harlan said, to himself, really, as neither woman was listening to him.

The guard sat down in a chair and reached for some fruit from Ava's breakfast tray.

"You don't have to stay in here. The guards usually stay in the hall."

"I'm not what one would call usual." Her eyes pierced Ava, ending the conversation. She opened the book. "Besides, I haven't read this one in ages."

Ava frowned, then squatted down next to the bag, glancing at her bookshelf.

"I had Harlan bring it because I've read those a million times." There was a whining tinge in her voice.

"You'll get over it." The guard shrugged as she continued to read.

Ava stood, taking the syringe as she did. She ate some fruit, slowly circling the guard's chair to gaze out the window.

"How long do you think they'll be gone?" She could still see the row of trucks and cars speeding away from The Sanctuary.

"Not too long-" The guard's voice cut off with a growling scream as Ava slammed the needle into her neck and pushed the plunger down.

The effects of whatever was in the needle were immediate. Her scream gurgled to nothing as her chin fell forward on her chest and her limbs relaxed. She was out cold.

"Good, very good," Harlan whispered, coming out of the bathroom.

He reached into his bag and pulled out the bolt cutters, some paper, and another syringe. Ava was relieving the guard of her gun, radio, and knife. Harlan stopped her, handing her another radio from his bag. He wrote on the paper and showed it to her.

" _Untraceable. They won't know you're listening if you leave her radio."_ She nodded, then hurried to undress. She took her own jeans, slim leather boots, T-shirt, army coat and gloves from her drawer. Harlan continued to write as she dressed, handing her the bolt cutters and signaling for her to read.

" _Use on the fence near solar panels. Blind Spot. Close to woods."_

Now he handed her the syringe and another note.

" _Inject me so he won't blame me. Destroy notes. You have six to ten minutes."_

Ava cringed as she injected the doctor, watching his scared eyes fill with clouds then close. They would still blame him. She closed her eyes, forced her thoughts away and flushed the notes in the toilet. Then she put on her gloves, tossed her hair back into a messy bun and flew to her escape.


	34. A Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava flees from The Sanctuary in order to warn her people of Negan's impending attack.

Chapter Thirty-Four: A Flight

 

Ava wasn't sure exactly how she made it out of the compound. Pure luck, when it came down to it. For one thing, she didn't look as they were used to seeing her, in her regular jeans, heavy coat and messy hair. She kept her head low, found the back door near the locker room unguarded, and saw that the patrols were distracted in Negan's absence. Perhaps they were annoyed with being left behind. Whatever the reason, they paid no attention to the lone figure slowly making her way through the gardens.

She breathed a sigh of relief as she made it past the chicken coups. Ducking in their shadow, she kept on past the cow stalls to the solar panels. She couldn't help glancing up at the guard towers but she could see nothing from so far away. So she put all of her trust in the doctor who had risked everything for her. She pulled the bolt cutters from inside her coat and got to work on the fence. There was a tiny spot between the slates of metal and wood reinforcements where she could squeeze through.

She nearly let out a cheer when she slid through to freedom. Instead she hurried into the underbrush, easing her hurt leg into each step but happy with her pain level so far. She knew they'd be expecting her in the trees, so when she came upon it she ducked into the parking lot of an abandoned warehouse where she found a dusty sedan with a quarter tank of gas to hot wire. She praised Rick for teaching her that skill after dispatching and removing two oozing walkers stuck to the inside of the car. She nearly cried at the sound of the engine sputtering to life. She eased out of the parking lot and then kicked it into gear on the road as she reached for the radio. There was regular chatter for a time, then the sound of Negan's voice made her stomach lurch.

"We've got a little hiccup, bunch of fucking fallen lumber in the road. I'm going to need to find out who did this."

"Location?" Another voice, unrecognizable to her, asked.

"Over near Broad Street. Few miles west of Death Valley, so it wasn't used for funneling rotters. We'll have it cleared in a few minutes but it's an unnecessary fuckin' pain in my ass. I want to know who did it."

"Roger."

Ava sped up, checking the next exit sign to make sure she was on track. Several minutes later the radio blared. The voice was urgent this time, female... and she recognized it.

"Negan. She's gone. She fucking drugged me and she's gone."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Arat?"

"She's fucking gone. We found a hole in the fence."

"FUCK!" The channel shorted out and Ava slowed down as she switched through the different frequencies until she found his voice again.

"-goddamn trees. I don't know what she's gonna do. You get at least twenty of your best bodies out there looking for her. I'll get a roadblock up on 395 in two minutes. I'll put a couple more on 7, too. I want her fucking FOUND. And I want her brought back alive."

Negan's voice was absolutely furious, but she felt terror strike through her because of their content, not their tone. She was on 395...

"We've already sent a crew. They're combing the trees toward 395 as we speak." A voice answered.

Ava slammed on her brakes after the next bend. She was trapped. The next exit wasn't for miles and she had no idea where they would put the roadblock.

"Alright, we're through this shit. I'll try to be in and out at Alexandria. You fucking find her, Gavin." Negan's voice interrupted her desperate thoughts after a time. She realized she was just sitting in the damn car, not doing anything.

"Roger."

Ava decided to throw the bolt cutters in the woods as she ran as opposed to leaving them in the car... one less clue. She trekked her way to the largest tree in the area and made her way to the top slowly. A groan below told her walkers were being drawn to the rattling dead leaves she disturbed. It wasn't the season for climbing. She felt her throat grow tight as her luck dwindled further. What she saw when she reached the top told her it was nearly down to nothing.

There over the hill rise she could see the road block setting up, containing about twenty people and multiple vehicles. She thanked the stars she'd stopped when she did. Turning the other way, her throat nearly closed completely. The search party from The Sanctuary was fast. It was mostly composed of off-road motorbikes and ATVs. She may have still lucked out, if it weren't for the walkers. There were still enough deadened leaves attached to hide, but there was a solid group of four or five gathering at the base of the tree she was in, giving her away with their groaning growls. She cursed in desperation, peering long and far in every direction. That's when she saw it.

There on the horizon, farther away then she could really decipher rose the tall wooden fence encircling a hill.

" _Hilltop..."_ She breathed.

She didn't take time to think, shooting off through the trees, ignoring her knee and rib as they grumbled a low resistance. She picked her way carefully, but quickly, feeling her heart lift as she climbed, despite the urgency of her situation. The walkers lumbered after her, signaling her existence to the searchers; still, she was too high and pretty damn fast. But her luck was gone now... Twenty yards ahead she could see the trees thinning from true forest to filler trees which had been planted as a buffer.

She hated fillers. They were pathetic, weak trees that refused to hold her weight. Her eyes skidding to both sides told her she had no choice, though. The search party had informed the road block of her and they were closing in like a vice. As soon as she hit the fillers they spotted her. Shouts bounced up to her among the growls of the slowly growing walker herd. She tracked a tricky route, swinging around pole-like trees, catching others with the crook of her leg.

Her knee was screaming at her but she pressed on, through the fillers opposite the road block to a large field of gigantic power line towers. She spun around the last tree, swinging with her legs out to gain speed and momentum. She gained both and flew from the treeline, tucking carefully to land against her shoulder and roll to her feet.

Then she ran, as fast and as hard as she could across the one hundred and fifty feet of tall grass that stretched between the line of towering power poles. She could hear revving engines and peeling tires behind her. She could feel her rib throbbing and her knee was like a point of fire, slowly encroaching over the rest of the leg. Still, she pushed. The Hilltop was just on the other side of this copse and within the trees she would find some safety. Laughter sounded and the noise of engines was like a roar all around her. A thrill of terror rushed through her as she realized how close behind her they were... She wasn't going to make it.

And then she made it, tearing into the thick underbrush like a desperate animal, clawing her way through the vines and thorns, then up the nearest tree. She wanted to stop; she wanted to breathe, but she didn't dare. She flew on, up and over, up and over, until she was high enough to see the Hilltop again. The sight stopped her fleeing tracks, though. Her breath began to sob as she caught it, seeing what awaited her on the edge of the woods.

The roadblock had reassembled. A solid line of Saviors, strategically placed between vehicles, stood between her and the Hilltop. She almost cried, but climbed higher instead, looking back as she did. The ATV line was struggling in the underbrush but the walkers were fairing better. She'd picked up more along the way. She guessed there were thirty, possibly more. She stopped to rest as they grouped beneath her, turning on the radio. After a time, Negan's voice interrupted the chatter again.

"Do NOT let her make it to the fucking Hilltop, but if she does, you do what you have to to get her back. Do you hear me? Burn  the fucking place down if you have to. I want her BACK!"

She shut off his screaming voice and closed her eyes. She was so close. She had to try. So, she ignored her knee, which was ready to give out, she was sure. She spurred forward toward the line of Saviors, easing down slightly but picking up as much speed as she possibly could. She watched them track her, but saw they were somewhat distracted by the herd lumbering below her... as she had intended. She couldn't help smiling as she swung deftly from the last branch, leaving them to encounter the walkers as she vaulted over their heads and stumbled toward the Hilltop.


	35. A Revolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava does everything she can to make it to the Hilltop.

Chapter Thirty-Five: A Revolution

 

The sight of their faces as she soared over them would have struck her at any other time as hilarious. She had no time for laughter, though. She had no time for breath, it seemed, as her lungs pleaded desperately for her to stop. Her knee shouted over them; she'd felt an odd popping sensation when she landed. Pain seared, striking like lightening as her leg crumpled and she nearly fell. But she didn't have time for falling either. She stumbled for support on her good leg and forced it to pick up the slack as she managed a jaunted sprint across the clearing around the Hilltop.

She had no idea how far away it was; she just ran, as fast and as hard as her sprained body could manage. Surely they would have caught her if not for the dead she'd dragged out of the woods for them to deal with. Still, some of the Saviors were closing in and she could see when she glanced back that the herd was spilling around the impromptu barrier. Gunshots were sounding all around and suddenly the clearing was a war zone. The towering wooden fence rose impenetrable before her and she realized the gate was closed. She heard pounding feet closing in on her...So she jumped, clinging to the jagged knots on the wood planks, then forcing her screaming leg to climb... _climb, bitch, climb!_

A hand ghosted along her coat's tail but it didn't take hold. She could climb where they couldn't, knowing exactly where the wood bent and met to create a hold for her tiny, practiced fingers and leather encased toes. She clawed her way up the fence in seconds, and when her head came over the top and the breeze hit her face she almost cried. Her eyes roamed hungrily over the pockets of people and for a tiny, horrifying moment she thought she didn't recognize anyone. Then her heart sang along with her voice.

"Enid!"

She watched the girl's head jerk up toward her.

"Enid! Tell Maggie... She has to get to Alexandria. She has to get to Rick. She has to go RIGHT NOW, THIS SECOND! Do you understand? Sasha told me to come. Negan knows about Rick's plan, about Jadis, and he's on his way to Alexandria as I speak. Do you understand?!" Ava yelled down at her, wondering if the growing gunfire was covering her voice from both the Saviors and the survivors.

Enid nodded blankly, as if she understood, but her mouth formed her name as a question, "Ava?"

"Ava!" Jesus' voice sounded at the same time. "Ava, come inside. We'll protect you. Hurry!"

Ava ignored his invitation though, remembering Negan's screaming words.

_Burn the fucking place down if you have to..._

"Just tell Maggie to get to Rick, RIGHT NOW! Do you fucking hear me?" 

They nodded and she heard the survivors on the guard post take up fire along with the Saviors. She'd drawn more walkers than she realized. She climbed up onto the fence, circling carefully around to where there were no Saviors struggling with walkers at the base. Then she dismounted as lightly as possible, but her leg was almost finished trying for her. She just managed to stumble back into the woods. The Saviors saw her, but the dead were swarming them. She barely managed to get up into a tree. Once settled on a high branch, she pulled up her jeans to examine her swollen knee. It was bulging oddly and discolored, but there was nothing she could do. Pushing her pant leg back down, she tested it gingerly and choked back a sob.

Ava had no choice, though. Saviors were peeling off away from the Hilltop and walkers, coming for her. She had to flee. She climbed carefully, trying to depend on her arms and good leg. Every breath was an agony on her rib. She almost tumbled from the branches when she braced against the wrong leg. Laughter fluttered up to her and she saw a small group of Saviors simultaneously tracking her while dispatching the dead that came up behind them. They didn't seem hard pressed... She wasn't going very fast.

"Looks like this little birdie has a broken wing, boys."

She ignored him, pressing on, intent. There was a crispness in the air but she was drenched in sweat and her clothes clung to her in a clammy way. This small thought drifted from her mind as she acknowledged the sound in her ears, though. It had been rising as she climbed. She'd been moving so slow; she was sure it had been at least ten minutes, possibly twenty. The noise had been like an annoyance, like her sweaty shirt, like the men below her. A growing buzz, discordant, violent, rising as she went forward.

It had changed now, though. Now it was a roar and as she made her way through the thick canopy, she suddenly saw its source. Ahead of her the terrain dipped suddenly into a wide valley. She could see there were no trees at the base and it seemed it was mostly filled by large rocks and boulders. She couldn't be sure, however, because the dell was completely full of dozens upon dozens... hundreds of walkers. She stopped dead, catching her shocked breath as the laughter sounded below her.

"Welcome to Death Valley." The man below smirked.

It was so corny, so absurd, she almost laughed but she was struck through with horror.

"Just come on down. I promise we'll be gentle."

She closed her eyes and breathed deep, and when she opened them she actually smiled for a split second. There was an eighty foot water oak looming over the edge of the canyon, leaning over it in a way it whispered of its doom. It probably wasn't doing well in the rocky soil, plus it had been knocked askew by a falling neighbor. Its strong roots had held on during that collision but they had been exhausted by eroding earth along the valley and age. The old sturdy trunk was strangled by kudzu. She took some time to gather herself as the men circled below her. She listened in on the radio but it was just white noise, blending with the walkers.

They tried to wait her out, but after about twenty minutes they got sick of waiting and when one started to climb she took it as her cue. She forced her legs to move, although the hurt one tried to refuse, but she managed to gain momentum, swinging mostly with her arms. She was exhausted but she was determined and the Cyprus next to her prize oak was situated perfectly. Ava swung deftly from a top branch, letting go at the highest point. She slammed into the oak's trunk with a solid force, clinging desperately to the layered vines.

Her heart skipped several beats as she slid nearly a foot down the trunk, vines ripping off in her hands. Finally they held her weight. She was scared her plan had failed, as the tree only rocked slowly, back and forth. Then she felt it tip past the point of no return. The old stubborn roots clung desperately but eventually gave up. A liberating shock of excitement struck through her as she rode the oak down to its end, watching the mass of dead come up at her. Terror and exhilaration commingled in her belly as gravity settled back over her. She clung desperately to the trunk, peering up into the branches that now stretched across the canyon. Scrambling to her feet, her heart sank... it didn't stretch far enough. There was a solid seven feet of walker-filled space between the far ledge and the tip of the tree. Thankfully those stubborn roots were knotted into the side of the valley, preventing the tree from falling into the sea of dead. At her prime she could easily clear seven feet, but she wasn't at her prime and she knew the top branches would bend beneath her pouncing feet. She needed to clear eight feet and she couldn't.

It wasn't until she looked that she saw a group of trucks and cars lined along the opposite side of the valley. She had to laugh then. Even if she made it... even if the branches had reached, they still would have caught her. Growling behind her interrupted her broken laughter. The walkers were climbing up the exposed roots, making their way toward her. There were too many. The Saviors behind her couldn't get through them. This was how she died. She closed her eyes, took out her gun, and thought of Daryl.

The sound of doors slamming and shouting, then blaring horns interrupted her reverie. When she opened her eyes she saw the huge black truck, surrounded by other vehicles and realized she recognized it... She watched, dumbstruck, as Negan got out. He walked right up to the ledge, ignoring the reaching fingers of the dead.

"Jump. Now."

She thought about dying instead, to spite him, for half a heartbeat. She imagined the horde ripping her to shreds in front of him. The thought gave her some satisfaction... but not enough. She still wasn't ready to die. She still wanted to see Daryl... somehow. So Ava ran. Though her shattered leg dragged, she ran hard and she jumped solidly, right before the bending branches would take too much height from her leap. She wouldn't have made it on her own, but Negan's long, strong arms caught her and pulled her firm against him.

"I've got you, little bird," he breathed, and for a split second she felt relief.

"I've got you."


	36. A Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava is taken back to The Sanctuary.

Chapter Thirty- Six: A Punishment

 

Negan didn't say another word to her. His hand remained on her upper arm as he half-pulled, half-dragged her away from the ledge and toward the passenger side of the black truck. He took her gun, sat her inside, and she felt the world center and close around her as the metal door slammed shut.

_What was he going to do to her?_

Ava swallowed hard as she watched him move among the men and speak into his radio. She pulled hers from her coat pocket.

"-flames can stop this shit hole... Get it fired up. Speaking of fire... D," Negan's eyes connected with hers outside the windshield. "You got everything ready back there?"

"Yes, sir," Dwight's voice replied.

"Good. We'll be back in about twenty. Everybody round up, light this fire so we can get on to the next one." He dropped the radio and moved among his men again.

Her mouth was dry with fear as she stared at the radio in her lap. She closed her eyes as the terror gripped her, fighting it and failing. The door opening shortly afterward shocked her eyes open again. Negan shook his head and clicked his tongue in a disapproving way, then he took the radio from her and proceeded to handcuff the now-empty hands that hung limp and defeated in her lap.

He searched her more thoroughly as she avoided his eyes, taking her knife, and made a point of putting Lucille in, moving it slowly across her lap as Ava tensed. His arm stretched over her thighs as he placed the bat firmly near the center console. She continued to avoid his hard gaze until he shut her door and got into the driver's side.

She expected silence on the way back to The Sanctuary and she got it. His eyes were intent on the road. His anger wasn't obvious or livid; it was of a deeper nature now and she curled away from it. She saw fire and smoke rising behind her and watched the old oak crumble to flames in her rear view. The tense ride was too short, though, her heart becoming like a fluttering, desperate thing as they rounded the driveway. He stopped, got out with Lucille, and came around to her side.

His grip found the bruises already made by his fingers on her upper arm as he directed her into the compound and toward the back where the furnace was tucked. Her dragging leg was such a pain it distracted her from the terror that rose steady. When she got close she saw the female guard she'd drugged in a chair with her hands secured beside a medical exam table. Doctor Harlan stood beside it and there was another chair off to the side. All of the Saviors were gathered, awaiting Negan's arrival.

"Have a seat up on that table, little bird. Let the doc check you out." His calm was unsettling.

She managed to climb up, even with her bum knee and cuffed hands, since Harlan helped her. He then quickly set about examining her. When he concluded he turned to Negan.

"I believe she's torn her meniscus. The ligaments seem fine, but I can't be sure without an MRI. Other than that, she seems alright."

Negan nodded, starting to circle the three of them. He began to chuckle suddenly and Ava tensed.

"You all must think I am goddamn stupid."

He marched in front of Harlan suddenly and his face was a fury.

"You expect me to believe you didn't have anything to do with this, doc?"

Harlan cowered before him, stuttering.

"I drugged both of them!" Ava interrupted.

Negan turned on her, quick as a snake, his hand gripping her jaw.

"You are going to want to shut the fuck up! Do you know you almost got me killed?" He laughed darkly, starting to circle the crowd again as his voice rose. "Well, of course that was the entire fucking POINT wasn't it? Still... I got attacked by a motherfucking TIGER!"

Ava couldn't tell if he was joking.

"I should kill you." Negan's voice was soft, several paces away. "I should fuckin' kill you."

Her heart was pummeling the inside of her chest.

"But I've had a soft spot for you since the get go, little bird." He started back toward her. "Something," he purred, right up on her again, his gloved fingers brushing along her face. "Something about you..." She closed her eyes as tears fell, uncontrollable.

"So," Negan went on. "I'm gonna give you another chance. Have a seat, doc."

She opened her eyes, saw Negan give a signal, and watched two Saviors force Harlan into the empty chair and secure his arms behind his back. Ava cried out in protest.

"No, no, no," Negan forced her to sit still. "You know you broke the rules, Ava. Someone has to pay the price... So, who's it gonna be?"

Ava blinked at him, more tears falling beneath furrowed brows. "Wait... What?" She watched Negan walk toward the furnace, signaling to Dwight who removed the iron.

"I told you, Ava. You break the rules, you get punished. I _REALLY_ like your face, though," Negan said, putting on a thick blacksmith glove and reaching for the iron. "So, I'll let you pick one of these two to take it for you."

"No! They didn't help. I found the bolt cutters. Sasha left them. Please, Negan!"

"Hush, little bird. I don't have time for all that. Pick one, right now, or get the iron yourself. This shit is hot!" He started over to her and the heat from the iron was like a living thing coming off it. He held it over her face and her skin screamed.

"Pick one. Now."

She looked into his eyes and narrowed her own gaze.

"No. Punish me."

Let him take her cursed face. She closed her eyes. She tried to take deep breaths; she tried to be strong and just as she was about to cry outright, she heard his laughter and the sound of heavy metal clattering against the hard cement floor.

"You see... She knows I won't destroy it, fucking look at it." She called out when his thick glove, still hot from the iron, gripped her face. He shook her eyes open. "You think you've got me pegged, don't you little bird? Well, you made your choice. These two avoid the iron today." He motioned toward the chairs and she gasped as he moved even closer to her, so close his hips brushed the inside of her thighs. She leaned back as he leered. "But you... I've made something special just for you. Is it ready yet, D?"

Her heart was fluttering again, tightening. She looked back at the furnace. Dwight was turning a long metal rod, deep in the flames.

"Not quite." He said to Negan, who then nodded and went on.

"You see, I've never taken a woman to the iron, never intended to. But then, I've never met a woman quite like you. Like I said, I should fucking kill you and be done with it. At the least you should get the goddamn iron, but this face," he rose his other hand and cupped her cheeks, his thumbs brushing away her constantly falling tears before caressing her lips. "I can't do it."

"Ready now." Her heart stopped at Dwight's words and Negan's cruel smile lit.

"So I had to get creative." Quick as a snake again, Negan flipped her over on the table so she was face down. "Get her hands." Ava started screaming and pleading as a Savior came around to pull her handcuffed arms over her head. Her screams pitched as Negan removed her jeans and underwear. A playful but firm smack cut them short.

"Mmm... This ass, hard to tarnish too... but we do need some kind of punishment. I do believe this may even enhance it. We shall see. Hand it here... Deep breaths, babydoll."

Ava didn't have time to process the pain as it intruded upon her, searing, throbbing, striking right to her core. Her breath was gone... She would never breathe again for the fire on her left buttock sucked all of the oxygen away from her. The hands holding hers squeezed, she had a fleeting image of mingling flames, then, just as suddenly as the pain had intensified, it decreased. She backed away from unconsciousness and Negan's voice floated into her seared brain.

"Take care of her doc, and remember, this ain't over. Because now," he chuckled and his voice rose to shout. "This. Is. WAR!"

The sound of cheering Saviors erupted, drowning her pain as she felt Harlan's familiar hands on her and allowed herself to pass out.


	37. An Addict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava languishes, trapped within The Sanctuary.

Chapter Thirty-Seven: An Addict

 

Ava awoke in her bedroom, alone in her bed. She moved, then moaned as a dull throb bit insistently on her left side. She struggled out of bed, clinging to the frame as her leg groaned. Slowly she made her way over to the mirror where she lifted her nightgown to bare her left buttock.

It was small, perhaps just under an inch long, but it was sharp, pointed... mean. She stared at it, an ugly thing, angry and screaming at her. He'd placed it high and to the side near her hip, a crude N, jagged, tearing her honeyed flesh. She closed her eyes, dropped her gown and limped back to bed. She let the blackness of sleep overcome her, hoping that it wouldn't be tinged with red-flamed nightmares.

She was awoken by a guard she didn't recognize and led down to Harlan's office. He walked slowly to accommodate her limp but didn't help her. Harlan opened the door quickly when they arrived and she saw that his face had severe bruising.

"I'm so sorry, I had to..." He cut her off with a gesture.

"I'm fine."

His examination was quiet and fast. He told her that she was fine as well, that her baby was fine. He told her to rest; he washed her brand with a saline rinse, her other assorted scrapes and cuts with antiseptic. Then she was on her way back to her room. The guard put her in and she heard a heavy lock turn after he shut the door. She stared numbly at it. She should feel trapped. She limped over to it, testing the handle to confirm it was truly locked. They weren't taking anymore chances. She should feel trapped, but she'd been trapped for so long she only felt numb. _A bird in a cage._ Her mind fluttered, she went to the windows, staring out at the gray. Then she climbed back in bed.

It went on like that for some time. She remained locked in her room. Different guards came to bring her food or take her to bathe or to the doctor. Negan didn't come and she hoped that he never would. She passed her time reading books, writing letters to Daryl and the others. She searched her room for the hundredth time and finding nothing. She braided her hair, then unbraided it; she even practiced drawing, though she hated it. She organized and reorganized her room. She devised a crude calendar. A few days into her trapped convalescence she began to experience morning sickness at random. She tracked the time with her healing brand, cringing as she traced it in the mirror.

After about a week it still looked completely gruesome, with a crude scab covering it. Harlan assured her that it was healing fine. He told her brands took a long time to heal, just like any other burn. Her knee was just as slow going; she kept it elevated often with ice and she rested. The doctor expected her to turn a corner and a few days after that she did. Her rib seemed to heal faster than anything. By the time she'd been in her cage for two and a half weeks she found that she could move and breathe easily, support her weight on her knee, and her brand had traded the scab for a bright stain of blood red. She was beginning to feel like herself again.

Still, she hated being stuck with her thoughts. She'd risked everything, all so she could run in a giant circle right back into Negan's arms. And what had it done? He'd _almost_ died. The meant nothing to her. Now she had nothing to bargain with. Her very life was forfeit. She had no idea who lived or died in Alexandria. She had no idea what had become of Sasha. She was just trapped, useless and trapped. Her hand brushed over her brand and she winced.

Then she heard it and she sat, stock-still in bed, listening.

It was his voice.

"Send Frankie... No, Lauren. Send them both, fuck it! Bring Marta too."

She heard the footsteps coming toward her room, heard them stop outside of it. She closed her eyes, pulling the covers up to her chin. Then his footsteps carried on and she breathed a sigh of relief. She'd heard him rarely in the past two weeks. Every time there was a stretch of days without sign of him she hoped he'd died. Then she thought of what would happen to her stuck in this terrible place and she shuttered. She plotted a way out, a way to break the window... She waited, she cried and slept often.

That night she awoke suddenly to the sound of crashing and broken glass. Jerking up in the bed, she was assaulted by the thick darkness and oppressive fear. She heard a dragging sound, then crunching glass... footfalls on broken shards.

"Who's there?" She asked.

She was answered with his chuckle.

"Negan?"

He didn't respond, just continued to laugh as he circled her bed.

"Negan... What-" She stopped. It was so dark, but she was able to make out his huge, shadowed form.

"I was going to put the boy's head right here," he said into the silence as it thickened. His words were slurring. She watched him caress the post at the foot of her bed frame.

"Carl." He breathed. She almost didn't hear him.

He laughed again, moving suddenly to the other post at her feet. She'd never heard his laugh sound like this.

"Rick was gonna go here."

Ava clamped her mouth over angry words; she swallowed angry tears. Negan slowly moved along the bed toward her. She didn't move and he didn't touch her. He just reached for the next post.

"Sasha's pretty head would go up here."

She lost some control of her breath as he reached up with his other hand, which held Lucille. He used it to motion toward the last post.

"And that one was for the pretty widow. Maggie."

He chuckled again, glaring down at her.

"I just know you're wondering about Loverboy." She could smell the alcohol, heavy on his breath. She'd never really known Negan without a drink far from his hand but she had _never_ seen him drunk before.

"C'mon," he pushed, lowering Lucille to prop it on the bed beside her so he could lean his elbow on the tip of the handle. Ava was trapped between the two of them. "Ask me what I'd do with Daryl's head."

She turned her chin away from him stubbornly.

"Of course, if I were sweet enough to let you have their heads as decorations... Well," his finger chuffed playfully beneath her jaw. "Lucille wouldn't get to play, and you know how thirsty she can get. So," now he gripped her chin, forcing her to look at him.

"I think," he chuckled again, letting her go so he could lift Lucille and turn her lovingly in his hand. "I think that I'd let Daryl hang out with Lucille for a bit. You see, I could fit him right on the end here..." He showed her, then suddenly he reached down, pushing the covers away from her. Ava resisted automatically but Lucille hovering in front of her face stilled her hands. He yanked her nightgown up and roughly spread her legs as she sobbed.

"Then I could use Lucille," he took the bat and lowered the barbed tip between her legs. Ava froze even more, scared to breathe as the spikes ghosted against her, "just so. We could give the two of you one last hoorah." He chuckled against her lips, kissing her lightly as he pressed Lucille's pointed barbs against her soft cotton underwear.

Ava lost control as another sob tore loose. She gripped his hand on Lucille, but the sharp tips continued to bite her.

"Please, Negan!"

He jerked the bat away and his gloved hand gripped her face.

"You make me look weak." He growled.

"I'm sorry."

"I can't fucking find them. Where are they?"

Ava was confused. She stared dumbly and his hands shook her.

"Rick!" Negan's shouting voice shook her just as much.

"I don't know!"

"What the fuck are you good for?" He pushed her face roughly away then. "I should have killed you." Ava fought to control her tears. She heard the sound of his belt. "But it's like I'm fucking addicted to you."

"Please don't hurt me." She cried.

"There's only one thing you're good for." She felt him pulling her toward him.

"Please, Negan... don't."

But she was too scared to fight him. He lifted her up easily onto his lap, ripping her underwear off with sheer drunken strength. Her knee began to throb but his forceful entrance within her drove it from her mind. She was so full of him so suddenly it took her breath away. He let out a guttural sigh, his hands holding her hips down firmly.

"You see," he growled, rocking her hips and grinding her down against him even more. A gasp forced her breath back. "I've been through ALL my other wives tonight, but I haven't felt really fucking satisfied until Right. Goddamn. Now." He shuddered against her, sitting up to nuzzle her neck. He breathed in deeply then bent her head down to kiss her, hard and cruel. He tasted of liquor and cigarettes and women.

Her brand was screaming along with her knee now, as her skin stretched to straddle him but he took her hands in his, lacing their fingers and directing her to ride him.

"Negan, it hurts."

"Does it?" He jerked into her roughly, his hands tightening on hers.

She cried out, pain laced with pleasure.

"Sounds to me like you're singin', little bird." He breathed, letting her hands go so he could grip her waist and force her back up.

"Oh, please," she sobbed. "Please stop."

He thrust again and she cried out, her breath shuddering. He pushed her up again.

"Please, Sanctuary, please!"

Negan thrust one more time then pushed her back on the bed with a growl, remaining between her legs. Her knee was eased but her brand still protested. Her voice stalled as she felt Lucille's barbs at her neck, though.

"I should have killed you." He growled as he thrust into her instead.

Ava sobbed as the brand pulsed angrily, as his cock pulsed hard and fast, reminding her of her past, condemning her future.

"Sing, little bird," he prompted. "Sing for Lucille."

She cried out then, moaning at his command, but he didn't stop until her cries called out in true release. He knew her body too well. She continued to cry as he pulled away.

"I should have fucking killed you." He mumbled, turning over and falling into drunken snores within moments.

Ava watched his half-naked form. He had only his shirt on and his entire body was hugging Lucille protectively. She made a small effort to see if she could get the weapon but it was impossible without waking him and he just might kill her in this state. His face was slack in his drunkenness, but still handsome; his muscles still prominent in repose. His legs were thinner than she had thought, however. She must have watched him sleep for hours, tracing each wrinkle, every line of ink in each tattoo. She carefully charted each plane of muscle, every freckle and vein. She wasn't sure what she was looking for... his humanity. She seemed closer to it now, as he slept. After some time Ava pulled away at the edge of the bed, holding her head in her curled lap. She was going insane...

That's when the alarm sounded.


	38. An Intruder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava remains trapped in her room as The Sanctuary faces attack.

Chapter Thirty-Eight: An Intruder

 

"Code Black! Code Black! This is not a motherfuckin' drill. Code Black!"

She stared at the radio on the nightstand and Negan jerked awake, reaching for it.

"Negan here, what the fuck is happening?"

"We are under attack or the goddamn mother of all herds has gone under our radar."

"There are hundreds of fucking rotters at the gates."

"I've got Rick and his people in our sights. He's calling for you, Negan... Calling for a truce."

"I'm on the east end and this damn gate is about to come down. How we get a truce out of this shit?"

Multiple voices were sounding off, terror or alarm in each one. Negan was dressing as he listened. She heard him reply as he started out.

"I'm on my way, Simon. I'll be there in ten fucking seconds. You keep those fuckers in your sights," he stopped and looked back at her.

"Don't you leave this fucking room."

He didn't wait for her to nod; he was gone. Ava ran to the window and covered her mouth in horror. There were more walkers clambering outside those gates than she'd ever seen at one time in her life. She watched the metal bending as the reinforcements splintered and crumbled along the length of the fence. She backed away slowly, her mind reeling. How was she ever going to get out of this?

She got dressed, ignoring her racing thoughts. Negan had taken her own clothes, probably destroyed them. She found a black skirt that was cut just below her knees and she put it on along with a sweater and some black tights. Then she put on her flats, grateful they weren't heels, wishing they were boots or even tennis shoes. She searched her drawers, thanking no one in particular when she found a leather skirt. She glanced around, remembering the sound of broken glass the night before.

Negan had shattered the water pitcher, and the small table it had been set upon. She found some shards of glass large enough to grip carefully and managed to cut and rip the skirt into strips. She used these to line her hands in a way that they would be at least somewhat protected if she had to climb. Then she went back to the broken table and fished out one of the legs which had broken at a sharp angle. It would do nicely to pummel walkers... or Saviors, if need be. She drank as much water from the faucet as her stomach could hold. Then she sat at the window after pacing and listening at the door, pulling a chair next to the dresser.

She saw and heard chaos. Outside in the hallway unintelligible shouts filtered through the door. Outside in the yard the fences were rattling and bending inward. Gunfire could be heard, both close and from a distance. Feeling tired, Ava got up again to listen at the door and pace. After some time she sat back down at the window to watch the death spread. Walkers had penetrated the fence but they were funneling in at controllable numbers. She still smiled at every Savior she watched drop fighting them. She felt her eyes grow heavy again and got up to pace. This went on for hours; she watched the morning pass through noon and on into twilight. Finally her eyes fell closed; she hoped the fences would hold and wished they would come down... she thought of Daryl.

"Mmmm-mmm... Look at the little birdie all ready for battle. You think you're a hawk but you're really a sparrow."

Ava jerked awake, disoriented, jarring her elbow against the dresser. She recognized the voice, though, and hurried to her feet. Turning, she saw Arat standing in front of the door pointing a handgun at her face. Her throat tightened instantly with fear. She could see that one of the chairs had been pushed in front of the door. Ava glanced out the window. It was pitch dark but she could hear the mass of walkers, see glimpses of them in the roving flashlights and spotlights. The attack went on. She couldn't believe she'd fallen asleep.

"Now, I know you are probably thinking that I owe you something because you spared my face before, at the furnace. You're wrong."

Ava backed away as the woman took several steps toward her.

"Oh, no!" Her voice was sharp and she jerked the gun dangerously. "Don't you dare flutter away from me, birdie."

Ava stopped. She didn't say anything as Arat moved closer, slowly.

"You see, I wasn't going to touch you... as much as I wanted to... before." She was just a foot away now; the tip of the gun, a smooth grey, FN .40 caliber, brushed along Ava's collarbone. "And I really don't want to hurt you now." The cold metal moved down along her bare cleavage. "I do want to make you scream, but in a good way."

Ava swallowed hard, then said one word. It was all she could manage with the cold, dangerous metal pressing against her flesh.

"Negan."

Arat gave a coy smile, gazing toward the window where pale light was seeping along the edges and chaos still brewed.

"Probably dead, definitely fallen. I think you were his downfall... You and your people. We've never been attacked like this before. Negan holds power in fear and you all have broken that. Even if he stopped this, and I don't think he can, but even if he does... He won't come back from this. He'll never be what he was. There will always be the certainty someone will fight again and things will never be the same. And that's fine by me; I was beginning to chafe under him." Arat moved closer and Ava smelled a tinge of coffee and gun oil. "Weren't you?"

"Please let me go."

"You almost got me killed, pretty birdie. I think you owe me something." The gun pressed harder along her ribs. "Take your clothes off."

"Please-" Ava stopped short, crying out instead as sharp metal bit across her face. She'd swiped the gun across her mouth, drawing blood at the edge.

"Don't make me repeat myself, princess." The woman's eyes were like iron, hard and cold.

Ava took a step back, removing the outfit she'd so carefully planned, along with her undergarments. Arat watched, instructing her to move slower, turn, or bend, as she did so.

"What's this?" The woman motioned toward the leather strips on her hands. Ava tried to stand straight and didn't bother covering her nakedness; it only prolonged the inevitable when she did that and often prompted her attackers to touch her.

"In case I need to climb. Negan took my gloves."

"I'm sure he did. Take your hair down." Ava did as she was told as Arat continued to circle her. She brushed the tips of her fingers or gun along different parts of Ava's body as she appraised her.

"Mmmm... You really are remarkable. Good fucking Jesus..." Her nails scratched lightly over the rise of her buttocks and the dimpled muscles of her lower back, stopping near her brand. "No wonder he lost his fucking mind with you," Arat stopped in front of her, reaching for her. Ava's head was spun as she kissed her, hard but smooth, soft but prominent, deep but fleeting, all at once.

"Have you been with a woman?" Arat asked, pulling her back onto the bed with her. Her hands were suddenly desperate on Ava's skin, everywhere but lingering nowhere.

"Frankie..." Ava breathed as the woman's mouth moved down her chest to devour her nipples. It was like Arat couldn't get enough, though, moving on to every bit of flesh she could reach until she was drawn inevitably to the pearl between Ava's legs.

Ava realized this woman was far more experienced with women than Frankie, and nearly struggled to focus on the gun pressed against her thigh. But it was like the metal seared, reminiscent of Negan's brand, and Ava focused on it instead of Arat's stroking tongue, pulling lips and mesmerizing fingers. Unfortunately Arat was also a very experienced soldier. She sensed Ava's distraction and just as she sought to go for the gun, it was staring point blank at her face.

"You see how selfish you are?" Arat's cruel smile was somewhat coy still.

"Always thinking of yourself..." She continued, unbuttoning her pants while keeping the gun trained on her. "Time for you to think of someone else, I think."

Ava watched the woman slide her jeans and panties down her hips and legs until her bottom half was bare. Then she spread her legs to fully expose herself. When Ava didn't move, Arat prompted her forward with the gun. She moved haltingly, her mind spinning. She glanced at the gun, freezing up slightly, then Arat grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her toward her roughly. She started tentatively, fear and inexperience turning the folds of flesh before her into some kind of foreign object.

"Just calm down and breathe. I'm only going to hurt you if you go for my gun again or do some other stupid shit." Ava looked up at her, glancing at the FN that remained close to her temple. "Breathe." Arat insisted. Ava breathed. "Just do what you like."

Ava nodded, then delved deeper as Arat pushed the gun tip into her hair and pulled her face closer against her slick sex. She dove in fully, throwing herself into the situation that was beyond her control. She found she knew exactly what to do, heeding Arat's words and trying what she herself enjoyed. She focused heavily on her clit, until Arat was writhing and grasping for her hair, then she used her fingers to reach deep and up, trying to find the spot that would put her over the edge. She continued to work and stroke the nodule of flesh as she reached as far as she could within Arat, going to her task with complete abandon until she felt the clenching tension and lurching release of ecstasy flow through the limbs straddling her shoulders and back. Arat's cries rang out in passionate release, then fizzled as Ava pulled away, eventually shifting into a sultry laughter.

"Oh, yes... Good girl." She said.

"She is something, isn't she?"

Negan's voice caused the woman's loosened limbs to tense all over again, dropping away from her just as Ava spun around.


	39. A Termination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan deals with Arat's transgression.

Chapter Thirty-Nine: A Termination

 

Negan was leaning casually against Lucille near the bathroom pointing his own handgun, a .45 caliber Smith and Wesson, at the two of them.

"Get over here, little bird." Ava moved as fast as she could and Arat didn't stop her. "Toss me that gun," his voice was sharp with cruel authority and Arat followed it with alacrity, throwing him her gun.

Ava started to go behind him but Negan stopped her in front of him, turning her to face the woman who had assaulted her. His gun hung just a foot in front of her at eye level, still pointed at Arat. Her nakedness felt awkward against his fully clothed form. He moved his other arm across her to place Lucille on the dresser, then he stooped slightly as he reached down to place each of her hands on his gun, beneath his own.

Her breath hitched as he directed her finger over the trigger.

"I thought Arat here was going to be the first woman to get the iron." Negan's voice was quiet, lulling, behind her.

"Before, I mean... I really thought you were going to throw her under the furnace. Of course, we all know," one of his hands dropped to caress her brand. "I was prepared for anything. But you are always surprising me, little bird." She closed her eyes as she felt his beard move against her ear, as she heard him breathe her in.

"Not Arat, here. She is goddamn predictable. You see, it wasn't even her first time facing the furnace. She's dabbled in what's mine before... although she has no idea how close I came to ironing her damn face after Frankie... I didn't, though. Mostly because I blamed myself for allowing her to have a taste. She's a gorgeous woman and I was keen for a show... a show much like what I just witnessed. I do thank you for that, Arat. It was almost worth losing such a... talented... lieutenant. "

His mouth crept over Ava's neck as he continued.

"She always takes it too far. A taste isn't enough for her. And this time it is different. YOU are different. Also, I am pretty sure that, much like you, she hoped that I was dead."

"Negan," Ava didn't know why she was defending Arat. His finger tightening over hers on the trigger silenced her, though.

"Her transgression is worse than yours, though, little bird. She's one of my top lieutenants and this is the second time she's fucked with my shit. Plus it's her third strike. We can't forget your little frolic through the fucking woods. Do you really want to stop this anyway? Did you enjoy it, little bird?"

Ava sobbed, sliding against him, trying to let go of the gun. He forced her up, though, and his grip tightened again as his lips moved harder against her ear.

"If you want to stop this, just say the word."

"Stop! Please stop! Please! Sanctuary!"

But just as she shouted the last word, Negan's finger squeezed even tighter forcing the hammer back. Ava felt the huge handgun explode in her hands and her ears instantly rang a resistance to the deafening boom. Across the room, Arat's head jerked as the wall and bed behind her were coated with a dark, viscous red. The droplets seemed to spray in an odd slow motion, tumbling chunks and globules visible to her horror-struck eyes. Arat's body slumped forward and she saw that the back of her skull was completely gone. She forced her eyes away, sobbing and retching as Negan lowered his gun, then put it in the holster.

"Aw, little bird... When are you going to learn who makes the rules around here? You don't have any say, anymore, dollface... not after your little stunt at the Hilltop." She continued to sob, collapsing in his arms as he continued. "Hell, I didn't even really have a say here. Like I said, this was Arat's third strike. I hope you were worth it... something tells me you might have been."

She was trying to get air into her lungs as his hands started over her bare skin but shock seemed to forbid it. Finally she found her breath with a sob as his lips moved along her shoulders and neck. Her eyes kept returning to the pooling blood and still body on the bed.

"No, no, please... just stop," she was crying, desperate, pulling away from him, but he turned her around and pressed his mouth over her sobs.

"Hush, little bird. You need to calm down. You're hysterical."

"Negan, please... Sanctuary, please, Negan."

"Oh, Ava, we aren't playing bedroom games anymore. Don't you realize how badly you've fucked up? How badly you've fucked everything up?" He turned her face up to look at him. " Don't you understand? You tried to fucking kill me." But she didn't understand; she didn't want to understand. So he showed her.

He jerked her around roughly toward the window, pressing her naked chest and face against the cold glass as he bent her over the dresser.

"YOU are responsible for this! Look at it!" Negan was suddenly furious and Ava cowered in his hold.

Outside the sun was rising on a scene of death and horror. Walkers still clamored outside the tired, sagging gates, patchwork barricades built over open wounds along its length... but it had all failed. The entire courtyard  was flooded with hundreds of walkers, clambering at the walls of The Sanctuary. There were dozens upon dozens of bodies for them to stumble upon as well.

"There _is_ no more _Sanctuary_ because of you, Ava." She felt him moving to free himself from his clothes behind her, the impending penetration violent but all too familiar. Her legs pinched against the edge of the dresser as he readjusted so he could drive deeper into her.

"You've destroyed everything and all I can fucking think about is Fucking. You. Raw!"

And he did, ignoring her pain-filled cries as he worked her to come hard against her will. He praised her then,

"Good girl," he was breathing heavily, savage. "Yes, you see, that's what it is. You're like a goddamn drug; you can't even help how fucking good you are, can you?" She felt him pull away, even though he hadn't finished, which was unusual. Then, suddenly he was sliding back and up between her buttocks again as he continued. "You always get so fucking wet."

She could feel her body's betrayal slick along his length as he started to ease it into an opening he'd never tried before. She protested desperately and he smacked her brand smartly in response.

"Oh, no, little bird... I plan to take every inch of you, now that I can." He purred, pushing further until the entire tip of his penis slid within her tight ass.

She clawed desperately at the window, at the dresser, at anything to get away from him but there was nowhere to go as he pressed forward, filling her slowly to the brim. She was struck through, full in a way she hadn't felt in a long, long time. She grew completely still as he remained within her to the hilt. His expert hands played over her back and shoulders, soon joined by his mouth. Tiny mews, pathetic, unintelligible, sounded involuntarily.

"Every inch..." he growled over her, then breathed her in and began to pull out so she could breathe again.

He took her forcefully after that, each stroke full but firm, plunging faster as her mewling cries rose. She'd been taken roughly this way before; she'd even been forced with more than one man before, but she had never enjoyed anal sex. She'd thought it impossible, but Negan showed her it wasn't and she hated him all the more for that. He was a master of turning her own body against her. His hands and mouth on her back and shoulders, his fingers circling against her clit... his hard cock within her... All forced her to face that fact as they climaxed hard together. Her eyes, filled with tears, took in the sight of death outside the window as he prompted her uncontrollable and reckless cries of abandon to echo back at her from the glass.


	40. A Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan reveals a bit of his past to Ava as they wait in The Sanctuary, pinned down by the herd.

Chapter Forty: A Past

 

Negan massaged her back as she sobbed, then pulled away from her and fastened his pants. Ava slid down the window onto the dresser, her hysterics rising.

"Alright, c'mon now, little bird." His hands were gentle but firm, pulling her up as she continued to cry. She protested weakly, sliding against him and turning her head away as he directed her toward the bed, which was soaking in Arat's blood. His firm hand on her jaw forced her eyes to sweep over the prone form. She squeezed them shut but the image of the woman's destroyed skull was burned into the blackness.

"That could be you. That should be you. But you are alive, Ava. You. Are. Alive."

Negan chuckled as he ran his fingers through her hair, over her face.

"That's why they think I'm weak. You know I've had soldiers defect? Good men, good women... Look at poor Arat here. And I blame you for all of that. You make me weak."

Ava couldn't respond; she was crying too much.

"They can see I'm addicted to you. I should be sleeping so I can go out there and kill more fucking rotters, which I, AGAIN, blame you for... but instead I'm here, fucking you. You're distracting and dangerous; you've tried to get me killed, but yet you live and all poor Arat did was fuck a couple of my wives and look at her." Negan laughed, heartily but emptily.

Ava managed to control herself slightly.

"You make the rules, Negan."

"Sometimes I wonder, if you weren't pregnant... If things would be different, but I don't know." He seemed to be ignoring her, or oblivious to her, but then he reached down to caress her hair and face again. "You make me weak."

He led her from the room then, pulling the chair from the door and using a key unlock it. In some back part of her mind that wasn't reeling she wondered how Negan had made it into the barricaded room. Most of her was somewhat delirious with shock and stress, however, struggling against him as he pulled her, naked, down the empty hall, into his room.

"I imagine it could take some time to get your room cleaned up, babydoll, so you'll be bunking with me."

Ava cowered against the wall as she watched him undress down to his boxers and climb into his bed.

"Come along, little bird, or do you want me to come get you?"

Ava blinked at him, swallowed, breathed, tried to find a way to calm herself. Her mind kept fluttering to the Hole, to the furnace, wondering if she would say or do something wrong... if he would finally just kill her outright. Somehow, before, she'd forgotten how utterly insane he was, or tried to convince herself otherwise. Now, with him backed into a corner by Rick's defiant attack, his insanity was in full view and absolutely maniacal. It was like she was in that first night again, watching him distribute his ruthlessness with a cool ease.

"Come. Here." Her thoughts turned to mist as fear prompted her into the bed.

He pulled her over onto his chest, enclosing her with his arm. They lay like that for some time; Ava actually began to drift, but then Negan jerked up suddenly, reaching over into his nightstand. He pulled out his cigarettes.

"As exhausted as I am... I can't fucking sleep. Not with this shit." He motioned toward the window, then lit his cigarette before glancing at his watch. "I've still got about an hour 'til shift change." He glanced at her, she tensed, but he just puffed his cigarette and settled deeper into the mattress, pulling her closer. "Tell me about your childhood."

"What?" She couldn't help her incredulous shock.

"I can't sleep. We can talk or I can find other ways to occupy my time." She pulled away from his hand moving down toward her brand.

"It was boring." She blurted out. "I lived in the woods with my parents. I didn't have any friends or siblings."

"That's why you're so awkward, socially, I mean."

Ava didn't respond.

"What were your parents like?"

She closed her eyes, but answered him.

"My dad was basically a hermit. He was convinced the world was going to have another big war, or some catastrophe would happen. He was born in Ukraine... War was a big part of his life." Her eyes fluttered to the window.

"Well, he wasn't too far off," Negan said.

"No. He wasn't. He thought that he was ready, though... He wasn't. I suppose I owe my own survival to him, though. He taught me about healing and edible plants. He taught me to track and hunt. He taught me to fish and dress an animal and fieldstrip a weapon. He taught me to survive. But he never let me live, as a child, as a girl... I wish I'd had a chance to live before all this."

"Did he teach you to climb?"

"No. I taught myself how to climb."

The silence grew as Negan continued to take drags, thickening the smoke.

"What about your mother?"

"My mother," Ava closed her eyes again. "My mother loved my father more than life itself... more than me. She hated the woods, though. She loved people, and buildings and cities. She was born in Chicago and spent a lot of her life there. But she lived like a hermit because it meant she got to keep my father... Because she loved him more than all of that. That's what she told me." She blinked and her mother's kind brown eyes faded from her mind. "They fought about it a lot, though. He always won."

The silence grew again; this time Ava interrupted it, tentative.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Well, I'm only twenty. I didn't get to live. You did, before all this; so what did you do?"

Negan took a long drag, then chuckled softly.

"I wish I could say that I took better advantage. I was a gym teacher at a middle school and I sold cars for extra income."

"What about-" Ava's hand moved down to cup her stomach. " You never had a family?"

"I had a wife. I told you that." His voice was becoming clipped.

"Lucille," Ava breathed, glancing at the bat beside the bed. She could feel Negan tensing beneath her, but for some reason she pressed. "No kids?"

"No."

The anger in his voice was a warning. Ava ignored it.

"What was she like?" She kept her voice small, afraid.

Negan took a violent pull from his cigarette and held it for some time, but he released it and answered her.

"She was the best goddamn woman I've ever known. The only woman I ever loved and the only one who really loved me."

Ava remained quiet, hoping he would continue.

"I didn't deserve her, so she was taken from me."

"Walkers?"

"Cancer. Slow, cruel motherfucking cancer... It took her just before the end... before all this shit."

"I'm sorry." And she was, in spite of everything. She'd never heard such pain in his voice and for some reason she couldn't look up and see the vulnerability in his face.

"Don't be. I didn't deserve her. I didn't realize what I had." She felt him shake himself. "It doesn't matter anymore. I was blind then. I was weak. This world... this fucked up, broken, rotten world... It taught me to be strong again. It wasn't until I saw them all," His voice had darkened; it was now lined with disgust, thick and affronted, "floundering and dying, letting their families get torn to shreds. All because of blind weakness. That was when I found my strength. That was when I learned about true human nature... fear, weakness, flight. All I had to do was harness that and look what I did. I built an empire."

"On fear," Ava's voice was small but it cut Negan's diatribe short.

"Fear rules people in this world, Ava."

She nodded, tears falling dully from her eyes onto his chest.

"But it doesn't have to. I've seen hope rule people... Love."

Negan laughed again, then wiped her tears and kissed her hair in an affectionate way.

"Twenty!" He mused. "I forget how young you are. You keep your fairy tales, Ava. They'll be good for the baby. Don't live by them, though. Hope, love... Those things get you fucking killed now. I know what I'm doing. We'll get all this shit cleaned up. I'll take care of your former life, your little fairy tales, and then we can stop all this fucking nonsense and distraction and get back to carving civilization through these monsters. You need strength to do that... Power. Not hope and love. Now go to sleep, little bird. That's enough fairy tales for one day."

He chuckled again, pulling her closer in his embrace, and Ava hated him with every fiber of her being.

 

 


	41. A Repercussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan requires Ava's assistance keeping one of his Lieutenants in line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's all send our hearts and condolences out to John Bernecker's family. 
> 
> The Walking Dead Family is an incredibly tightknit family and we are all a part of it thanks to the people that put everything they have, heart and soul, into this show. 
> 
> We can never thank them enough.

Chapter Forty-One: A Repercussion

 

He was gone when she awoke, her brow furrowing above confused eyes as she struggled to re-acclimate to his room. She reached up to brush her hair aside but found that she couldn't move her right arm, at least not more than a few inches. Looking up she saw that a pair of handcuffs had her confined to one of his bedposts. Her left arm was free and she used it to grasp at the cuffs ineffectively. She sighed angrily, scanning the room until she saw that the nightstand next to her had a note on it. It had been placed carefully beside a book, a plastic cup of water and a paper plate with toast, eggs and fruit. It read, _"I'll be back."_

Another sigh of frustration escaped her as she reached up to grapple with the cuffs again, but it was useless. She wasn't like those heroines in crappy romance novels that always happened to have a pin in their hair for just such an occasion. So she drank her water and ate her breakfast, then read the crappy romance novel he'd left as she awaited his return. He had not taken into consideration her need to relieve her bladder and she had intended to berate him the instant he walked in the door.

The look on his face was like a bucket of ice cold water over her stomach, however. He yanked his scarf off, throwing it across the room as his anger boiled over. Then he proceeded to pour himself a drink and down it in seconds. He poured another as he glared at her.

"You have really fucked up my shit, little bird."

She chose not to reply. His anger was frightening.

"I really should have left you in the goddamn trees," he took a sip of his second drink as he started toward her. "Or chained you to a shack," he touched the handcuffs lightly. "Or a bed... Right from the beginning. If you hadn't made your little trip to the Hilltop the other day, Rick would be dead, most of his people would be dead and everyone else would be working again. But now," his chuckle was empty and he took another sip as he motioned out the window. "Now, look at this shit."

He stared down at her for a moment but she held her tongue.

"Look, I know you were punished and all, but the repercussions of your decisions have not stopped. I mean, the hits, little bird," he patted her face lightly as he sat down beside her. "They just keep coming."

He took another sip from his drink and set it on the nightstand, then moved closer to her.

"Your little friends are going after my outposts now. They took one out this morning and just took another one out, not thirty minutes ago... So, how're you going to pay for this?"

Again, she chose not to answer but that was no longer acceptable.

"Hah?" He jerked her chin roughly.

"I don't know!"

"Oh yeah?" His hands moved down her still naked body. "I'm wondering if we can spell my whole name across your backside..." His fingers grasped her brand painfully.

"No! God, please don't, Negan."

"Well, then you're going to have to think of something, little bird."

She wiped her eyes feverishly as her mind raced. His eyes glinted over her.

"I'm waiting."

"What-" She winced as he gripped her even tighter and her brand burned. "You've taken everything! What do you want, Negan?" She sobbed.

"Well, I definitely don't want you to cry, dollface. That's no fun. We can just go down to the furnace for that." He removed her cuffs as she protested heartily. "Please, no... Negan, I'll do anything, please."

"Anything? Well, that's open-ended."

"Please."

"Alright, first thing, I'm going to need you to stop fuckin' crying and go wash your goddamn face." Ava nodded quickly before going into the bathroom.

First she relieved her bladder, then she threw up. She washed her mouth out and then washed her face. The cold water calmed her down somewhat but she felt forever on the verge of hysterics.

"Hurry the fuck up, little bird."

Ava hurried out of the bathroom. Negan had finished his second drink while waiting.

"So I'm going to let you help me, little bird. Are you willing to help me out with something?"

She nodded and assured him she was.

"Good." He lifted his radio. "Send that pile of shit in the Hole up to my room. Then transfer his ex-wife over to take his place."

Ava swallowed, trying to comprehend what was happening. Negan riffled through one of his many drawers, tossing her a black lace negligee.

"Hopefully that'll fit."

She pulled it on quickly; it was basically just a black slip with lacing around the edge. It barely reached below the buttocks and her bust strained against the thin straps and V-cut.

"Mmmm-mmm. That'll do, little bird." He strode over to her and was kissing her passionately when a knock came at the door. He didn't release her as he called for them to enter.

The tall man with a prominent moustache, Simon, came in leading a beaten and disheveled looking Dwight.

"We still cleaning up out there?"

"Yes,sir. We'll have it cleared up by midnight."

"Good. I want everyone to get a good night's sleep, then we're off tomorrow at noon. Everything is back on track."

"Yes, sir."

"Alright, leave him. I'll get to the bottom of this by the time you're finished."

Simon glanced at Ava, then quickly looked away, nodded, and left the room. Dwight stayed near the door, ducking his swollen face.

"Have a seat, Dwightyboy." Negan moved to the bed, retrieving the cuffs as Dwight sat down. "Let's make sure you're nice and comfortable." He secured his hands behind the chair, then patted his shoulder. "Good?"

Dwight nodded dully.

"Alright," Negan settled into the chair beside Dwight, reaching into a drawer in the table between them to take out an ashtray and cigar, which he placed beside his decanter. "So, we're going to play a little game... A little role-playing game." He moved to pour himself a drink, slowly, methodically, then lit his cigar before continuing. "You see, Ava here is going to do some things... things for me, things she's done before. But I want you to pretend she's someone else... someone who has also done things for me."

Ava watched Dwight close his eyes. She continued to stand awkwardly exposed before them as Negan went on.

"You know who I'm thinking of, don't you? Our little miss Honey Sherry... who just took your place in the Hole."

"Oh, no, please... She's hurt. I just wanted to keep her safe-"

Dwight screamed as Negan put his cigar out on the ruined scar tissue of his face.

"Don't. Fucking. Talk. Not unless I tell you to. She's hurt because of her own stupid fucking decisions."

Ava's hands had risen to cover her mouth automatically. Negan glared, angry, as he lit another cigar.

"Yeah," he said to her, as if she'd said something in response to his horror. "Seems all my wives are conspiring against me. Sherry is partly responsible for this shit too. She drove a goddamn truck through my fences."

Ava still didn't say a word.

"What I'm trying to figure out is why Dwighty here lied about her. Why she's still alive. And why the FUCK she just happened to knock my damn defenses to shit in the middle of this fucking WAR. What I'm trying to figure out, Dwightyboy, is who the fuck you are."

Dwight shook as Negan stood roaring before him, yanking his hair back to force him to look at him.

"I am Negan." He managed.

Negan scoffed. "Yeah? We're going to fucking find out."

 


	42. A Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan uses Ava to manipulate Dwight when he smells treachery.

Chapter Forty-Two: A Show

 

Negan let go of Dwight and turned back to Ava.

"Alright, dollface... You ready to get this party started?"

She forced herself not to cry, her eyes flickering toward Dwight, knowing it would only upset him.

"How about a dance?" Negan started across the room to a stereo and put a disc in. A song started to play and she recognized it but her mind was a jumble. "Sherry was a good dancer, wasn't she Dwight? She loved this song." Negan chuckled as he settled back into his seat.

"I don't... I mean, I've never danced before, Negan. Not a day in my life..."

"I'd say now is as good a time to start as any, little bird." His eyes were dark over the lit end of his cigar.

Ava closed her eyes and listened to the music. It was classic rock. ACDC...

_You shook me all night long..._

She began to sway and rock on her feet but it felt awkward and foolish. She tried to imagine women she'd seen dance in the past on the television but her mind was blanking... It seemed these people always had a partner.

"C'mon, little bird, you can do better than this..." Negan sounded annoyed.

She opened her eyes to see him glaring and Dwight glancing away awkwardly. Her face was flushed and she tried to focus on breathing, on the beat of the music...Her frazzled mind settled on a particular image, something she'd looked at as a teenager with budding, unfulfilled sexuality. A movie about a gentlemen's club, a place where women danced... but they didn't really dance.

She breathed again and slowed things down. They did acrobatics but that wasn't expected here. She rocked her hips as she stepped forward, just as the women had on stage, moving her hands slowly up her body, caressing herself, then running her fingers up through her hair.

"There we go," Negan purred as she turned, then bent over slowly. "Ah, you see what a natural she is?""

Ava didn't open her eyes as she continued her sultry moves, not until she ended up crawling on her hands and knees toward Negan, just as the woman in her memory had crawled on film. She ran her hands up over his boots and shins, then along his thighs. He pulled her up then so she straddled his lap as she continued to grind her hips.

"Just like Sherry..." Negan breathed toward Dwight. "Go ahead and give old boy a ride," he went on, pressing in a growl when Ava hesitated. "Go on."

She slid off Negan's lap and moved over to Dwight, whose swollen face seemed pained in a way beyond physical. She moved slowly, haltingly, but Negan prompted her.

"You give him a good show or this is all pointless, little bird. Then we're right back at square one."

She closed her eyes again, and tried to imagine Dwight's smaller frame was Daryl. He groaned softly beneath her, though, and reality swept back over her.

"She is amazing, I know it... Look at these fucking tits!" Negan had stood to circle behind her as she ground her naked sex against Dwight's jean-encased lap. He moved her hair over one shoulder as he continued, "Give him a better look, Ava."

She shivered as his hands moved along her shoulders, sliding deft fingers beneath the thin straps of the nighty. He didn't wait for her to respond as he bared her breasts and Dwight licked his lips.

"Don't you dare touch her..." Negan warned as he tipped her nipples right in front of his face.

Dwight leaned back as far as his contained position would allow. Just when Ava was sure that the tips of her breasts would touch his lips, Negan jerked her back off his lap. He pulled her against him as they stood in front of Dwight, one hand yanking her curls back as the other held her hips firm against his pelvis.

"You know what else Sherry was good at? I know you do..." Negan pulled her hair, slow but hard, dragging her down against him as he directed her around. She struggled onto her knees and followed his cue as his hand tightened in her hair. She unfastened his pants and took his entire length in her mouth. Only then did he let up slightly as she swallowed against him eagerly, twisting her head as she suckled and flicked her tongue until he began to plunge solidly in her throat. Negan slowed her down as he spoke again, groaning slightly.

"Oh, yeah, Sherry did this often. She looked just like this, on her knees. They all look the same in this position... desperate but powerful... wanton but vulnerable... Mmmm... yeah, she looked _just_ like this. Do you remember, Dwight?" Negan's growl pitched as she settled him in her throat, swallowing smoothly against him and turning her head just so. He gripped her hair suddenly as he started to thrust hard over and over, until she truly thought he was going to choke her. Then she suckled against him in desperation and all at once she was milking him as the pressure released slightly and a warmth surged.

"Awe, fuck! Sherry wasn't this good, Dwightyboy." Negan pulled her hair back again, yanking her off him so he could tuck himself away. "But it ain't gonna be that easy, little bird." He wiped her bottom lip with his thumb and gave her cheek a pat. "Now you're going to have to get things revved up again."

He let her go and moved slowly behind Dwight's chair.

"Get up on that bed." Ava followed his directions as he pushed the chair up to the side of the bed. "Do you know how many times I had Sherry in that exact place?" Negan asked as she reclined against his pillows.

She felt awkward again, exposed, and pulled repeatedly at the material that rode up her hips.

"You are supposed to be giving us a show, dollface." Negan went on as he moved from behind Dwight to retrieve his drink. Then he strode to the other side of the bed. "You are supposed to be revving things up again, so how about you start with yourself?"

Ava's brows furrowed and Negan chuckled as he took another sip, then put his drink down.

"C'mon, little bird... I believe you've never danced, especially after that adorable performance you put on. But you can't convince me you never touched yourself before."

Understanding flooded her brain, even as he moved her own hand between her legs. His other hand gently pushed her back against the pillows. His fingers moved firmly over hers, pushing them against her bare folds. "Just like that," he breathed over her as he moved his fingertips in small circles. His hand slowly left hers, moving to expose her chest again as he prompted her to continue.

Ava closed her eyes as her face flushed again, trying to ignore Dwight's desperate gaze, trying to close out the horrible room with Negan's looming figure. She took long, deep breaths as she focused on her own fingers caressing herself.

"You see, Dwight? It ain't so bad. A life of leisure, sexual release... my girls are protected and pampered as long as they follow the rules. So what were you trying to save Sherry from? What were you helping her escape from? I mean, just think of the shape poor Sherry is in now," Negan had moved away from her and Ava was distracted by what he was saying.

"Please," Dwight was crying; she saw when she opened her eyes.

"Why, Dwight?" Negan was at the foot of the bed, smoking his cigar again.

"I didn't help her escape, I just wanted to keep you from finding her. That's why I lied about the rotters. I didn't want you to," his eyes flicked over to Ava, "punish her." He finished.

Negan laughed, an empty laugh.

"She didn't try to kill me like this one and little bird is still going strong. I don't know, Dwight. I just don't know if I believe you..." he stopped suddenly. "Speaking of little bird, what are you doing, dollface?" Ava had been laying still as she listened. She moved to continue but he stopped her. "Let's kick this up a notch."

Negan walked over to his dresser and then turned back, holding what looked to be a large plastic microphone.

"Big black was Sherry's favorite." He chuckled at Dwight as he flipped a switch on the device. Ava jumped as it began making a loud buzzing sound. "Oh, really?" Negan laughed louder as he looked at her face. "You are fucking adorable! You've never seen a vibrator before?" Ava realized what he was holding and closed her eyes. She had seen one before; Gorman had one. She shivered as Negan moved closer.

"It was smaller." She whispered.

"Well, I'll be gentle, little bird, don't worry." He prompted her legs farther apart as he grinned and settled himself on the bed next to her. He moved his hands over her body first, starting at her breasts and legs as he whispered to her. "What do you think, little bird? Do you believe Dwightyboy here?"

She answered with a yelp of arousal and surprise as he eased the head of the vibrator against her clit. The waves sunk straight to her core, rattling all control to shards and pieces.

"Yeah?" Negan acted as if they conversed as he continued to lightly touch her with the vibrator, then quickly pull back. "I think the two of them have some pact with Rick. Why else would she run my fence down at such a goddamn inopportune motherfuckin' time?" Ava jerked against him, answering in unintelligible moans.

Dwight managed a real answer.

"She left a note! She was scared of you, Negan. We're all scared... She left a note. I just wanted to protect her, I swear!"

"You still aren't answering my question."

"Because I don't know! I don't know why she wrecked the fence. I went to look for her; I found the note. But I didn't find her. I made up the rotter story to protect her but- I..." Dwight's voice dissolved in miserable tears.

"I wasn't even sure if she'd make it." He finished.

"Well, she did make it, D. And she came back to royally FUCK my SHIT up! I don't buy her story about getting caught up in the herd and I don't believe your knight-in-shining-armor bullshit either. I can't trust a goddamn thing." He jerked the vibrator roughly against her and she cried out.

"This one is proof enough of that. I'd be using Sherry to make this fucking point, Dwightyboy, it would be more efficient but she really fucked her shit up. If I hadn't been there... she'd have been torn to shreds."

"I know-" Dwight stopped short at Negan's growl.

"Shut the FUCK up!" Ava screamed as his hand held the device firmly against her and within seconds she came hard against him without realizing what was happening.

"Oh, look what you fucking made me do!" Negan looked up at Dwight again as he turned the vibrator off. "She doesn't have half the endurance of Sherry, not in one wind." He moved to open his pants again and Ava closed her eyes as he scooted closer on the bed behind her. "This one, though... she gets wetter faster, more times in one sitting, than I've ever seen or even thought possible. Still, Sherry would really..." He grunted as he lined up and thrust forward. "Drive my point home more. But I think you can use your imagination, D."

Ava buried her face in the pillows as Dwight struggled to look away but Negan wrenched her hair back as he growled, "No! You look at her, dammit!"

Dwight had tears streaming as he met her eyes. Negan pumped faster behind her and purred in her ear. "You too, little bird, don't you dare look away. I need you to sing for Dwightyboy."

She had tears as well; they were as uncontrollable as the cries and moans, the pleading and the sighing, which he forced from her. They were as uncontrollable as the waves of ecstasy that coated his thrusting cock as he forced her to come in every position she could imagine. He kept a running commentary for Dwight about Sherry's favorite roles and moves as he forced Ava into them. And all the while he insisted they maintain eye contact. He continued to interrogate Dwight through it all but his story never changed.

Still, Negan didn't stop until they were both crying outright and promising anything and everything for his absolution.


	43. An Advance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Saviors advance for War.

Chapter Forty-Three: An Advance

 

Negan ended up handcuffing her to the bed again before dragging Dwight from the room, determined to find the note he'd mentioned and interrogate Sherry. Ava remained crying for some time but eventually fell asleep. Negan woke her but only to remove the handcuffs and climb in bed with her. She didn't question what the outcome with Dwight was and she didn't say a word as he pulled her against him. She soon fell asleep again; her exhaustion was like a brick pulling her down. But it only seemed like a moment before he was shaking her awake again.

"It's time to get fucking going," Negan mumbled.

Ava didn't speak. She put on the jeans and tennis shoes he offered but found no shirt, so she just kept the slip on.

"Let's go."

She followed him from the compound and found a crowd of Saviors awaiting them in the death-littered and destroyed courtyard.

"This is it." Negan shouted over his Saviors as they rushed to kneel upon his approach. Even Ava dropped to her knees automatically.

"This is why we've worked so hard to build and scrape and survive. This is why we've sweat; why we've fuckin' bled. This is why our brothers and sisters died. For this!" He motioned broadly to the wrecked courtyard around them and the Saviors began to mutter darkly, an angry mass.

The doors opened behind Negan suddenly, as if on cue, and Dwight along with several other Saviors came out. Ava paid little attention to them, however, even as shocked as she was to see Dwight alive. They were leading a line of walkers before them that were secured with ropes and chains.

"We've fought hard to keep these monsters at bay, from the VERY fuckin' beginning. And we are NOT going to let Rick and his merry goddamn band of tiger fuckers intimidate us!" At this Negan picked up an arrow from a pile of weapons nearby and stabbed its tip violently into a walker, then placed it in a quiver. "So we will find new ways to fight them!" He picked up Lucille and used it to beat the walker to a pile of oozing rank fluid and flesh, covering it in walker muck as the Saviors all around shouted agreement, passion and anger hot on their faces.

"We will not let these people kill our brothers and sisters, break our rules, and destroy our Sanctuary! We are the Saviors! And if they try to stand in our way we will fucking destroy them!" Negan held up the bat as a symbol of vengeance as he yelled.

The hollering response was a roar that slashed her fear in a way it was wholly unrecognizable and all the more terrifying. Negan yanked her up from her knees then as the Saviors hurried to muck their own weapons. They then entered the vehicles lined up waiting with a military precision. Negan led her into his black truck and they were all on the road within a matter of moments. Ava knew that they were on the way to the Hilltop; she'd heard everyone talking. They ended up on bumpy backroads, though, and stopped on a hardly paved road in the middle of the woods.

Negan grabbed Lucille and hopped out of the truck. Ava hurried to follow without him having to tell her but he was paying her little mind. He strode around his Saviors as they milled among their parked vehicles.

"Alright, I want everyone to get some shut-eye. We attack at nightfall and I want every single one of you at one hundred percent."

She saw they'd all brought tents and watched as Negan pulled his own from the back of the truck. He motioned for her to follow him into the woods, then handed her Lucille as he began to strike the tent. Ava clutched the handle as she stared into the mangled metal, reddened and tangled with gore. She imagined slamming it repeatedly into Negan's head as he bent in front of her, driving pins into the ground.

The daydream was so vivid she forgot to breathe and grew lightheaded. She looked up into the green canopy and closed her eyes as she listened to the forest sounds. Stumbling back slightly she barely caught herself, glancing around. Negan was still busy with the tent but she saw Harlan nearby, helping Dwight set up another tent. He was watching her closely and she shook her head at him, trying to shake the dizziness. She'd had no idea they'd brought the doctor but she realized they were going to war, and that they were going to need him. She closed her eyes again.

"Alright, little bird. Let's get some shut-eye."

She looked down to see the tent set up and ducked beneath the flap Negan help open for her after he took Lucille. There were two large sleeping bags zipped together. She took her shoes off and climbed in, curling into a ball away from him. She heard him zip the tent closed and remove his own boots, then climb in beside her.

 He left her alone for some time, but eventually she felt his touch, light, on her back... in her hair.

"Never seen a color like this before," he murmured and she tensed.

"Black, true black, like the space between stars... but then there's that bit of red or... blue? It's like when you squeeze your eyes shut and the colors swirl."

His fingers had moved up onto her shoulder, prompting her to turn over onto her back.

"This body is magnificent, God fucking knows," his knuckles grazed her breasts. "But this face." His own features were pained slightly as he looked at her, as his hand cupped her cheek. "And you're smart as a goddamn whip. Bold, but, somehow, soft. In another life, in another world... You could have been my Lucille."

Ava's eyes were filled with tears she wouldn't shed and she remained silent, but he seemed to expect nothing from her, for once. He allowed her to turn back over and she squeezed her lids over the tears, springing them loose as he moved up against her. He was asleep within moments and she breathed a sigh of relief as she fell solidly into her own exhaustion.

He woke her up again several hours later and she could see the sun was setting as she stepped out of the tent. It was getting cold and she crossed her arms and chaffed her skin as she waited for Negan to break down the tent. After a moment he got up to give her his coat but she didn't thank him for it. She glanced around at the Saviors as they moved about, packing everything up. That was when she spotted him, looking beaten and disheveled. His head was ripped with a severe gash and he was slumped against a tree.

"Don't worry. He's fine. Looks worse off than he really is. I need him to negotiate."

Ava glared at Negan as he zipped the tent bag up.

"You don't think I'd really hurt a man of God, eh? I mean, I don't hold any stock in that bullshit anymore but, morality is morality."

She couldn't look at him anymore. She shifted her gaze back to Gabriel, hoping he truly was alright. Negan's sense of morality was nothing to joke about, nothing she could ever laugh at... not after what she'd seen. As she glanced around at the poisoned weapons, festering with rot and death, meant for the people that she loved most in this horrid world, Ava shrugged off his coat and got into the cab of his truck, then she held her head and cried.

 


	44. A War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> War... War Never Changes.

Chapter Forty-Four: A War

 

Negan approached the truck slowly and she tried to control herself as she tracked his progress toward her.

"It's all gonna be over soon, little bird. One way or another." He said when he opened the door, as he secured her hands in her lap with a zip-tie.

She was then led into the woods in front of him, stumbling in the shadowed underbrush. It wasn't long, however, before she saw the Hilltop looming before her in the clearing. Negan made a signal and the surrounding Saviors spread out to circle the fence completely. Her stomach tensed as she watched a hundred or more of them moving with practiced precision. Negan's hand closed firmly on her upper arm and he marched her from the treeline as every single Savior marched with him.

"Rick!" His voice boomed right behind her, rattling her very marrow.

"I want to see Rick."

The top of the fence lit up instantly as spotlights were pointed at them. She could see a gathering of bodies atop the post, guarding the barricaded entrance.

"Who's asking for him?" One man called down. His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"I'm Nate. And if you want to talk to Rick you'll have to go through me."

"Well. You fuckin' heard him, Gavin. Go through him."

The sound of a high caliber rifle ripped through the night, clarion yet deeply rooted. The sarcastic man, Nate, dropped and the others rushed for cover.

"I want to see Rick. Tell him I've got a doctor, a preacher man, and a little bird."

Silence swelled up with the darkness and the cold. Negan's fingers played softly against her arm as they waited. Ava shivered and breathed, focused on the cold air, and tried to convince herself that Rick would win, that she would survive... That Daryl would survive. Finally, Rick's familiar frame came into the lights, but down among the metal barrier where snipers would be hard-pressed to target him.

"I'm here to receive your surrender, Negan"

Negan laughed uproariously as he, too, stepped into a ring of light, forcing her with him. Two others stepped forward as well and she realized they led Harlan and Gabriel.

"Now why in the world would I give you my goddamn surrender?"

Ava watched Rick take in the sight of his people captive. His jaw hardened.

"Why would you want to kill your own? Some of your own Saviors are here, and all the settlers you claim to unite..." the derision was thick in his tone. "To protect. Why do you want to fight them?"

"I'm here to offer you a fucking chance, Rick. You put everyone close to you at risk. You put our very way of life at risk."

"Good." Rick cut him off. "Your way of life is wrong."

"Oh yeah? I think my people would disagree. _My_ way has kept these people alive, fed, and safe for a VERY long motherfuckin' time. What about you, little bird? What have you come to think about my way of life?" Ava tensed as he shook her slightly.

"You need to let her go! Let them ALL go!" Rick had lost his cool somewhat and was screaming, cutting Negan off again.

"You got a soft spot for Ava, too?" Negan chuckled as he pulled her roughly against him. "What would Daryl think of that? Where is loverboy?" His hand bunched the soft material of the slip against her stomach.

Rick's jaw was rock hard again but he didn't respond.

"Tell you what. You give me his head and your surrender, and I'll hand these over," he motioned toward Harlan and Gabriel. "And then I'll be on my way."

"You know that's not gonna happen."

Rick had turned to leave.

"You want these people to die?" Negan shouted after him but Rick ignored him as he continued to walk toward the big house. Negan growled, shoving her away as he reached for his radio.

"Go."

Ava tried to look around but Negan yanked her forward and held her still. It didn't take long for the outcome of his signal to come into view, however. She heard the roaring engine first, then she saw the huge truck streaming down the drive toward the closed gate. A shrieking crunch sounded at the collision and Ava shuddered, but before she could really react Negan was shoving her forward.

The Saviors were closing in on all sides, pouring into the gaping hole the truck had created. Gunshots and shouting sounded and Ava felt her heart pummeling. Her head was buzzing with a strange tone. Negan was screaming as he picked her up and shoved her over the broken metal. She stumbled and fell. There was blood all over her leg... on her thigh. She stared at it but more gunfire pierced her attention and then Negan was pulling her up and yanking her over behind a trailer where he braced her against the wall.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I'm bleeding..."

They both looked down. She'd thought perhaps she'd cut herself going over the broken gate but the sticky red blood was between her thighs, a small stain spreading from her most intimate region. They both looked up and she saw a pain in his eyes, something she'd never seen there before.

"She may be having a miscarriage. She's been under a lot of physical stress." Harlan was there suddenly, along with Dwight.

"Stay with her. Do you hear me?" Negan gripped Dwight's collar and he nodded his swollen face in response.

Then Negan took off and Ava slid down against the trailer. Harlan slid down next to her. They were hidden along the side of the trailer against the wooden gate, with Dwight crouching around the corner taking shots with a handgun. She closed her eyes as the sounds of war melded in her ears. The gunfire was the most prominent, soft and loud, depending on the distance. The aching moans and sharp yelps of the wounded mixed with shouted commands to weave a complex melody. Running feet and falling bodies struck a steady beat. She tried to listen for Daryl, for Rick... but every voice somehow sounded the same.

"You got Rick in your sights, D. You still by the trailer?" Dwight's radio blasted and Negan's voice cut through the din. Ava watched Dwight walk over toward her and Harlan as he pulled a knife from his belt.

"Roger." His voice was oddly calm and Ava's throat tightened. She squealed slightly as he bent down over her. He only cut the zip tie on her wrists, though, along with Harlan's.

"Good. You should have Rick in your sights. Hit him with a rotter arrow. We can fucking end this now. Right fucking now."

Dwight walked back over to the corner, slow, calm, lifting his crossbow in a smooth motion. Ava moved to tackle him but it was too late. Before she could even take a step the arrow shot, quick as lightening the instant he touched the trigger. Ava knew that one of the howls of pain was Rick, but even still, she couldn't recognize it. She could hardly recognize the feeling of Harlan's hand gripping her own, pulling her, nearly dragging her. His voice morphed from the chaos surrounding her as she stumbled into the death and horror she'd only heard before. It carried her through it as she told herself to listen, just listen; just follow his voice. One word, a command of the most primal instinct. A call to human nature.

"RUN!"


	45. A Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava makes a run for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is such a short chapter but it's just how the flow worked. I'll be posting shortly, tomorrow or the next day, to make up for it. Also, I started a Tumblr account for this story (and to feed my incessant Negan obsession)  
> Follow me if you like at neganslittlebird. 
> 
> Much Love!

Chapter Forty-Five: A Break

 

"Run!"

Ava ran. She tried to ignore the chaos all around while remaining aware. She shamed her knee for its weakness within her mind as it throbbed a resistance. She didn't care. If she had to rip every goddamn tendon to shreds she was going to get away. She was going to find Daryl. Most of the combatants were completely oblivious of her and she made it nearly all the way down the line of trailers before someone stopped her, violently. They caught her hair, just the ends of it, enough to yank her back off her feet but not enough to catch a handful. Ava lost her breath, landing hard on her back.

She managed to roll over onto her hands and knees, then crawl desperately toward the last trailer. She made it nearly halfway underneath before she felt a vice-like grip around her ankle.

"Not so fast, little birdie... I told you not to get caught alone with me."

Glancing back, Ava was shocked to see egg-breath pulling her back toward him. She could barely make him out in the night; her mind was scrambling, perhaps playing tricks on her but it didn't matter. It didn't matter who he was. She took careful aim and kicked back with her good leg, thankfully the free one. She felt his nose burst in a satisfying way against the bottom of her shoe. A yelp of pain released her and she pulled herself the rest of the way beneath the trailer.

She allowed herself two seconds to survey the distance that separated her from the big house. It wasn't far at all but she could see that the door was shut and currently assailed by Saviors. She made a quick decision, pulled herself out from under the trailer then turned and jumped up to scale it instead. Once on top she ducked low and walked carefully to the far end, then turned stood and ran at full speed, springing off the end to just barely catch the brickwork of the big house with her fingertips. She was lucky there was a slight decorative ledge below the windows. Her feet slipped against the bricks, she almost fell, but then she maintained hold and managed to reach up and over for a window sill.

Unfortunately the window was locked, but she was thankful that at least they weren't spaced too far apart. She braced herself to swing over to the next window just as she heard yelling below.

"I got birdie in my sights! Look! Right there!"

Ava jumped and caught the next sill.

"Don't you dare shoot her!" Negan's voice made her straining fingers tremble all the more.

She gazed back but she couldn't see him. A man was pointing a rifle at her, and then suddenly the gun was falling and there was an arrow in his eye. She turned away as he collapsed and tried the window, grunting in desperation. It was locked too. She gritted her teeth and jumped to the next window... the last window. One of her hands slipped and the ground swirled within the sectioned circles of spotlights in her view. She was running low on adrenaline but she managed to reach up and catch the ledge. Luckily this window was open. Ava summoned her last ounce of strength and pulled herself up and through it.

"Who the Holy Hell are you?"

Her hair was like a sheet of blackness over her vision as she rushed to disentangle herself from the heap she'd become. She was in a wood-dominant room, darkly lit. There was an older, balding man standing behind a large desk and her mind spun as recognition sparked than faded.

"I'm Ava." She managed.

His eyes swept over her bloodied, oddly dressed form. "Ava?"

"Where is Daryl?"

He continued to stare at her. "Daryl?"

She growled in frustration and went for the door but it opened just as she reached for it. She nearly cried with relief at the sight of Maggie.

"Shit! Ava... How the Hell?"

"Window..." Ava was spinning again but she braced herself against the bookshelf. "Where is Daryl?"

It wasn't until she hit the floor that she realized she'd fallen. She fought desperately against the blackness but it was unavoidable.

"Give her some space..."

"Is she cut...or shot? Is she hurt? You see that blood...?"

"I don't know. Help me get these pants off. Gregory, get the fuck out!"

"Daryl just left with Carol and Michonne."

The words were like bubbles floating under thick waters, black and viscous. Ava swam desperately for the surface.

"Daryl..."

"Ava... Thank Jesus... Ava, can you hear me?"

She tried to nod.

"Good. Are you hurt? Are you in any pain?"

She shook her head. "Daryl."

"He's fine. He'll be here."

She opened her eyes to see Maggie staring down at her, face furrowed with worry. She moved to get up, re-buttoning her pants, but Maggie stopped her.

"Stay still... You're bleeding."

"I'm fine." Ava kept trying to stand but Maggie held her down. "Please, let me up. I'm fine. I may be miscarrying but there's nothing I can do. Just let me up!" She was slightly hysterical and she tried to calm down.

"You can rest, Ava. Just be still, I can try to help you."

"No!" Ava was screaming. She had no control. There was a panicked feeling rising in her chest and throat as they fought to hold her. "Let me go!"

Maggie pulled her hands back instantly. "Ava. You're okay. It's me."

"Where is Rick?" Ava stood, steadied herself, and refused to throw up.

"He's hurt. He took an arrow in the side. It didn't hit anything important but I'm still hesitant to take it out."

"Maggie! Listen to me. The Saviors, their weapons are poisoned... They are covered in walker guts, all the knives, all the arrows... Hell, maybe even the bullets."

Maggie's face blanched.

"Jesus Christ." A voice behind her called her attention and she saw Enid was there as well. Ava tried to stand again as Maggie hurried away.

"Daryl?" She said again, hopeful, desperate... afraid... But Enid just looked at her, then shifted her eyes to the window.

 


	46. A Determination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava refuses to wait for Daryl any longer.

Chapter Forty-Six: A Determination

 

"Where is he?" Ava screamed, and then a sudden banging interrupted her.

"Rick!"

Negan. Ava almost lost her balance at the sound of his voice and Enid hurried to catch her.

"This fucking door isn't gonna stop me, Rick! Don't make me huff and puff, now."

She and Enid went to the window, but they were blinded as they gazed out when the courtyard around the big house was suddenly flooded with light. Before she could even process this or the grouped Saviors below, the sound of high caliber rounds ripped through the night, suddenly and constant...relentless. Ava screamed as she jumped back, Enid diving beside her. Their room wasn't assailed, however, and eventually the shots ceased.

Pulling herself up slowly, Ava peered down at the yard. It was empty except for bodies and she saw a few Saviors scrabbling over the broken fence to a hasty retreat. She almost couldn't believe it, but there was no time for disbelief. She turned and rushed out of the room.

"Where did he go?" She asked Enid.

"He lit up the Saviors. He'll be back, Ava."

She moved toward the stairs but suddenly Carl was there, holding her back.

"No, Ava. We wait for the all clear."

She fought against him briefly, then relented.

"Alright." She looked at Carl and he let her go.

Before he could take a step back, however, she yanked his gun from the holster. She held it boldly in front of her as she backed down the stairs, angled at the floor but ready to rise in an instant. Carl watched her warily.

"I'm waiting for nothing... Not anymore." She said, then she opened the back door.

Darkness assaulted her; she hurried to shut the door as the house's light pierced the night. She shrunk along the edge of the house, ducking against the wall, placing one foot carefully, silently, in front of the other. She heard voices but they were far away, around the front of the house and down the drive. She moved faster, using the trailers as cover. Even a million miles away she would know that voice.

"Carol... Move outta my way."

"Daryl, please... listen to me, please!" Ava had never heard Carol sound so desperate. "They will catch you and we will be right back where we started. You can't do this! They WILL come back, just wait." There was a muffled sound, like clothe in the wind, then the scrapping sound of feet in the dirt... A small struggle... "We will get her back, I promise!"

"She's right, Daryl. Going after them is suicide. They'll be waiting for you." Michonne's voice was low.

"Move." Daryl was growling. He sounded wild. Ava hurried to find him. She was so close... just around the last trailer... near the gate.

"Then let us go with you." Carol's back was to her, along with Michonne's.

She saw him. Shadowed in the night, sweaty and stained with earth and blood, his hair a sheet of unruly strands through which he viewed the gritty world... but he didn't see her, not yet.

"Hell no-" He stopped as she walked from the shadows, as their eyes met.

Ava began to stumble. Her feet were like solid weights, misshapen and clumsy. The world shattered and reassembled as she clamored past Carol and Michonne, finding her way into his arms.

"I'm sorry," she breathed into his chest, then inhaled, taking his scent deep into her being. "I'm so sorry."

"Ava?" His voice, in her hair, was edged with wonderment.

"I told you she got away." She heard Harlan's voice somewhere in the fuzzy universe that existed beyond she and Daryl but she did not comprehend his words.

"You... You're alive..." Daryl said, reaching up to hold her face. His words were crystal clear.

"Yes," she had tears in her eyes, "and you too." Then she dissolved into sobs and he kissed her.

His arms swept up around her, consuming her along with his lips, and she melted into him. He was there... _right there._ She shivered as they settled into each other, trying to latch onto this moment of melded union, to be a part of it forever. Only Daryl could make her feel so warm and safe with just an embrace. She clung to him as he pulled away, still holding her face in his hands.

"You're alive," he said again, then he held her away from him slightly, looking her over. "You're hurt."

"C'mon, let's get inside." Michonne prompted everyone toward the big house.

"Are you- Can you walk?" There was a look of horrific vulnerability filling Daryl's eyes as he looked at her blood-stained jeans that she'd never seen within them before.

"I'm fine," she said, but she took his hand, wanting to feel him... to convince herself he was real.

"I can take a look at you inside," Harlan started, but Ava cut him off.

"No, you will go right to Rick. I'll be fine... I'm fine."

Perhaps if she said it enough it would become true. She squeezed Daryl's hand again, then climbed the steps up to the house. The door was open and Carl was waiting in the doorway with Enid and Morgan. A low growl startled her and looking over she saw a full grown tiger lounging on the side of the porch. Ignoring her shock, she moved closer and realized that it was hurt. There was a tall, dark-skinned man with gray and black dreads that were twisted atop his head and coiling down his huge arms. He was leaning over the tiger so that the ropy lengths flowed along the beasts coat to commingle with the stripes.

"She wasn't meant for this world." The man looked up at her with tears shining, collecting his misery in starlight. Ava just stared at him, her hand moving automatically to her belly, still flat... perhaps now flat forever. Tears filled her own eyes and Daryl led her away. Carl took his gun from her numb fingers and she blinked at him.

"I'm sorry," she said, meaning it in so many different ways to so many different people.

Carl just shook his head, his gaze gentle, then went back into the house and up the stairs. She followed blindly, Daryl beside her, and ended up in front of Rick, who winced as Harlan examined him.

"Ava, you're okay," she squeezed his outstretched hand, glancing at his wound. He was sweaty and ghost-faced, but he didn't look as bad as she had expected.

"I'm fine." The words were like a mindless refrain now.

"You need to lay down, Ava." Harlan said softly, but only halfheartedly. He was focused on Rick. "But-Hmmm," he moved back, reaching for a flashlight and pointing it at the arrow protruding from Rick's side. Then, just as quickly, he'd yanked it loose. He handed the arrow to Maggie and quickly bandaged the torrent of blood.

"What is it?" Ava asked, but her roiling stomach choked her words as she rushed for the waste bin. Daryl pulled her hair back as she lurched and vomited.

Carol handed her some water when she finished and directed her gently into a chair.

"You are okay." Her voice was calm and soothing. She spoke as if stating fact, not a sentiment.

"Ava, is there any way... Do you think it's possible that Dwight didn't poison his arrow? This looks clean." Harlan was there, holding the bloody arrow in front of her. It didn't smell like walker.

Maggie was there now too, pressing a cool cloth against her forehead. There were so many people, where for so long there had been none. Her throat and chest constricted and she closed her eyes, trying to breathe. For a split second, a sundered, terrifying moment, she was sure she couldn't get air through her tight throat, into her lungs, which somehow seemed collapsed... She never would; it just wasn't possible. Then suddenly she felt Daryl's hand squeeze her own and her breath came swooshing in to save her. She caressed each of his fingers with her own as more breaths came, relaxing, closing her eyes again before she replied.

"Negan thought Dwight was working with you, Rick." She remained anchored to Daryl as she thought of her part in the man's interrogation.

"He was." Rick's response surprised her.

Suddenly Enid rushed into the room.

"It's Tobin! His fever and... He's seizing!" Harlan ran from the room and he was quickly followed by the others.

Daryl stopped her, however, and directed her into the bed Rick had just vacated after stripping the bloody sheets. Ava felt relief wash over as she submitted, his sinewy strength lifting her onto the mattress. Still, she couldn't shake loose the anxious fear that had clung to her existence since meeting Negan. She knew that she wouldn't be able to until he stopped breathing, but she dreaded that she never would shake it... that this feeling was the cost of living in this world.


	47. An Example

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The survivors at The Hilltop prepare to finish the War.

Chapter Forty-Seven: An Example

 

Brilliant sunlight dappled through the leaves, streaming along the specks of pollen and dirt that glittered like fairy dust... Fairies... She could hear them giggling; their laughter was like bells tinkling in the wind. A smile lit upon her face as she remembered their curls, dark, yet sparked with light. Stars in a midnight sky. A river in darkness, shimmering ripples the only signal of its meandering flow. She remembered their skin; it was golden but creamy, like milk whipped with a dollop of honey and just a sliver of butter. The cheeks were dimpled, and they smelled like softness. They smelled like comfort. They smelled like love.

Fairies didn't exist, though, and as she realized this the image she'd built was wrenched away from her. She watched it torn to bleeding shreds. Realization crept further over her. Fairies didn't exist but monsters did. She watched them destroy the tiny, perfect limbs. She watched them rip the curling starlight. The dimples caved in among the horror and Ava cried out.

"Ava, I'm here. You're safe." Daryl's voice ended the horror and she opened her eyes, realizing she'd been dreaming.

"What time is it? What's happening?"

"It's only been a couple hours. Nothin's happenin'." He handed her some water.

She sat up in bed. She was wearing an oversized T-shirt with some leggings. They were all Maggie could track down for her, but she didn't care. She was just thankful to be out of those bloody jeans. She closed her eyes as she handed the cup back to Daryl after drinking, remembering how he had helped her strip them off. It hadn't been a lot of blood; it had looked as though she'd stepped out without a pad. But it told everyone who saw her that something was wrong.

"He's gone." She looked up as Rick entered the room.

Tobin. She closed her eyes again.

"How's Carol?" Daryl asked.

"Stronger than you or I will ever be."

"Anyone else get hurt?"

"Darla and Nick from the Kingdom. Charlie and Rose from Hilltop... and Shiva. I don't know how many are laying out there. It's too chaotic to get a head count. It'll be light soon but they'll be coming back."

"I know where his camp is." Ava offered but Rick shook his head.

"He'll come back. He thinks I'm dead."

"So, what's the plan?" Daryl asked.

"Same plan." A look passed between them. "But now we have the element of surprise. Negan won't be expecting to see me."

Ava tested her knee, which screamed at her. She proceeded to ignore it.

"Alright, where do you need me?"

Daryl looked at her.

"No way. You ain't goin' nowhere or doin' nothin' but layin' in that bed."

Ava glared at him and it struck deep.

"I'm getting pretty tired of being told what to do. Don't _you_ start now." Her voice was low, but she broke her gaze to take the edge off. When she looked back at him, Daryl had dropped his own eyes. "I'm going to fight, Daryl. I should have fought from the beginning-" Her voice faltered but she forced it to steady, repeating through gritted teeth. "I'm going to fight."

"Honestly, we could use every bit of help we can get. We'll put you up high with a rifle. With your knee you won't be much use on the ground anyway." Rick cut in.

"That's fine." Ava reached for Daryl's hand and squeezed, he nodded.

"Sorry to interrupt..." It was Harlan.

"Morgan managed to get some things from my trailer so I could test those samples we collected." He'd taken urine and blood samples, in addition to performing an awkward pelvic exam in front of Daryl, before she'd fallen asleep.

"I told everyone to stay in the house!" Rick wasn't taking any risks.

"I did it while on my perimeter check. I was careful." She hadn't seen Morgan in the doorway. He smiled softly and inclined his head to her, then left. Rick let out a frustrated scoff before Harlan continued. He walked closer, glancing at Daryl and Rick.

"I wanted to know, and I'm sure you did... Well, it makes a difference-how I can treat you, I mean," he sighed. "Ava, you didn't miscarry. You're still pregnant. I can't be one hundred percent sure what is happening without more monitoring but I'm hopeful-" he faltered, but barreled through. "That the baby's fine."

Ava blinked at him. For an instant she didn't understand what he was saying. Daryl stepped back, pushing his hair back from his face. He looked absolutely exhausted. He looked how she felt. Rick shook his head very slightly, his hands on his hips as he looked down at his shuffling boots.

"How sure are you?" She asked.

"I can't be completely sure without an ultrasound, but the blood tests and pelvic exam confirm- I'm pretty sure Ava."

"Thank you, Doctor Harlan."

He nodded, then hurried out of the room.

"We need to talk about it-" Rick started after a long moment of silence, looking at Daryl.

"Not. Right. Now." Daryl spoke through gritted teeth, cutting him off.

Ava swallowed hard as the world continued to spin out of control.

"We don't have time and she needs to know." Rick pushed on.

"She wouldn't need to know nothin' if you'd just end the motherfucker-"

"What? What do I need to know?" She asked.

"Ava," Rick looked at her, bracing himself on the foot-board. "We're going to try to take Negan alive."

She just stared at him for a moment, blinking a few more times. He went on.

"There are too many Saviors. We need to cut off their brutality. We have to show them that we are changing things. That cruelty doesn't rule anymore."

Ava glanced away from him, her eyes filling with tears.

"We have to lead by example. We have to get this world back to civility and we can't do that by just killing everyone." He came around the bed and got down, wincing, on his knee to look into her fallen gaze. "We can't do that by being Negan. We have to lead by example."

She stared into his bright, pleading eyes, her own tears falling. She wanted so badly the vision he saw. She wanted it for herself, for Daryl... for her baby... _Civility_... She closed her eyes over her tears and let out her breath in a sob.

"What will you do with him?" She asked.

"We're going to put him away, Ava. We built a jail, a cell, just for him. We're going to put him away for the rest of his life."

She breathed again, reaching for Daryl. She could see his anger. It mirrored her own. It wasn't fair. A very large part of her wanted him dead, dead and gone where he could never torment her or the people she loved again. There was another part of her, however, that wanted him to live, and not for any altruistic reasons. After all he'd done to her, to those she loved, there was a part of her that sought to empathize with his crude logic, as much as it grated against her sense of morality.

It was this part of her that terrified her most. It was because this part of her existed, that she wanted him dead as well. She didn't want to face her own inadequacy. The way she had given into him... the way she'd let him own her... If he was gone she wouldn't have to face that part of herself that disgusted her most. What kind of a monster was she to seek out death in an effort to kill her own demons? Would his death change what he'd done? Would it bring back what he'd taken? Her free hand moved over her belly. Life was precious in this broken world. If his death caused more Saviors to fight, more war, more destruction... Death upon death upon death... Was his death worth it, then, even in recompense for his horrid sins?

She nodded to Rick.

"If it will end the war... just end the war. No more death. Do what you have to."

 

 


	48. A Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Negan finally face off, as the War with the Saviors peaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've paraphrased and added a bit here and there, but I'd like to make it clear that pretty much all of the dialogue in this chapter should be credited to The Walking Dead comic writer, Robert Kirkman (specifically from issue #125). Just a clarification.

Chapter Forty-Eight: A Realization

 

Ava was positioned on top of the truck that had wrecked the gate with a Barret M82 that could put a hole in a rhino. She had never in her life touched a gun so expensive, so well-made; it made her feel powerful. She and Daryl had argued slightly, as he wanted her up on the gate, but Rick had backed her. She glanced over at him as she clenched the grip, then peered through the sight and stretched her legs out to ease the spasm in her knee. They were both on their stomachs, side-by-side, as the sun began to creep near the horizon, the navy sky edging over to periwinkle as the minutes ticked by. She kept her muzzle trained on the treeline.

She, Michonne, and a man from the Kingdom were the first to see them, as they were equipped with the sniper rifles, but Rick had instructed them not to fire as the Saviors made their way across the clearing and he reiterated this when she told him they were in her sight. The Saviors were using the last bit of the night's darkness as cover. She saw two figures peel away at the fore and recognized them as Negan and Dwight. Her breath caught as she held the large form in her scope's view. His mannerisms were as familiar to her now as almost anyone. She breathed slower, steadied her finger, and forced it not to squeeze the trigger.

As she breathed the two figures moved closer to the gate. Soon they were almost right below her. Rick had ended patrols once the snipers were installed. After several tense moments a whistle rang out. High, then low... A simple sing-song melody. High, then low. Ava shivered as she was instantly transported back to a clearing filled with blood and terror and tears.

High, then low.

She stifled her fear and steadied her grip again, watching the Saviors close in around the truck. Negan and Dwight still stood apart from them.

"Hello? Anybody the fuck home? I'm here to accept your goddamn white flag. You know... PEACEFUL SURRENDER! C'mon, now. Whoever is in charge now, you better send them the fuck out."

Without hesitation, Rick stood up on the truck beside her, his Colt Python trained steadily on Negan's head. Dwight was already moving slowly away from the man who had tormented him for so long, even as Negan glanced over at him in confused anger.

"Don't look at him. Look at me." Negan glared as he looked back at Rick who lowered his gun and jumped carefully down from the truck, approaching him with a limping gait.

"I'm looking at you, Rick. And I'm seeing that you are moving mighty fuckin' slow. You look like you could be seein' your last days, buddy. Why don't we call this? We can just go back to the way things were. You can go back to rehab and I can go back to fucking my wives." Negan responded, glancing back up at Ava.

Rick was less than a foot away from him now, his gun still lowered. He put it in the holster as he continued.

"Let me put this in a way you can understand... _Fuck you._ " He said.

Negan chuckled slightly, shaking his head.

"Let me tell you a little secret," Ava could hear every word they said, clear as a bell. "I don't enjoy killing people. I do what I have to and you people brought that shit in the woods on your goddamn selves."

"I want to let you in on a little secret too," Rick managed his own cool chuckle. "You have got to be the stupidest goddamn person alive."

Negan was taken aback slightly, but his face darkened as he replied, "What?"

"You want to end this?" Rick raised his eyebrow, glaring at Negan like he was a petulant child. "Let's fucking end it. There is only one way to that. We work together."

Negan scoffed at him.

"What the fuck do you propose? We hold hands and sing kumbay-fucking-ya? Go skipping into the sunset?"

"I'm proposing you stop terrorizing everyone so that we can fucking live." Rick insisted. "What are you even fighting anymore, Negan? Look around you. This place... These people... You claim to _protect_ them. _What_ are you fighting?" Rick stepped up even closer, though Negan towered over him. "Because we're fighting some psycho who threatens to kill us is we don't give him half our shit. We're fighting to survive, peacefully. And I can tell you, we've been through a hell of a lot of unpeaceful shit. What I'm getting at, Negan, is the fact that we're actually trying to get things done. We're actually trying to rebuild society, civility, and _you_ are the one standing in our way."

"Oh! That is motherfucking rich! You're building society, eh? You building society by bringing an entire fucking cesspool full of rotters to kill innocent people? Do you have any idea what I've managed to build at The Sanctuary? What you almost managed to destroy in ten fucking seconds? Do you have any idea what it takes, in this fucked, broken world, to keep a community that size going? Because I do. You talk about unpeaceful shit," Negan barked a cruel laughter. "I've done fucking brutal things, but I've done them because I had to. Because I'm the only motherfucker who can do them. _I_ keep everyone in line, focused. I save lives."

Rick laughed as well, but it was still cold, empty.

"You are just stupid enough to believe that shit, aren't you? Can I remind you for a second that we have an entire _goddamn planet!_ There aren't that many people left. There is no logical reason for us to be fighting each other when we have a common enemy. I brought those walkers to your door so you could remember, so you could realize. Us fighting each other... it's helping them. It's _feeding_ them!"

Rick let the silence drag for a moment before he continued.

"So I'm proposing something, and this might blow your damn mind, but here's my idea. You want half our shit, fine, but you better give us something for it. Produce for guns. Food for gasoline. Clothing for medicine. Make something _productive._ " Rick tapped Negan on the shoulder, and she was shocked he didn't hit him.

"You're proposing... A fucking barter system?"

"That is exactly what I'm proposing. But that's just the beginning."

"The beginning of what?"

""Everything. Don't you see? Do you not realize what we have? A group of thriving communities... If we could just work together, our potential is limitless. We could establish a safe zone with routes for trade. We could set up farms. We could rebuild society. We've learned to deal with the dead. Now if we could work together, we could accomplish anything. You've been so distracted with keeping your foot on people's necks and your dick wet, that you couldn't even see it."

Rick motioned absently up to her perch. She knew it was an automatic gesture and she saw him cut it short as he realized what he was doing. Still, it stung. All the more as Negan looked at her again, gazing through the sight of her rifle.

"Fuck..." Negan's face was blank, shocked, coated with the realization of one's failed humanity. He repeated the word several times as he also realized the truth behind Rick's words. He gazed up at her again.

"I've had it all wrong. Just like before. I was fucking blind... Just like with Lucille." She actually saw tears in his eyes and blinked her own away. Her finger steadied once more on the trigger as she breathed out. "I've been like a fucking dog, hoarding supplies, pushing others away. I thought it was for safety...for my people. But I've had it all wrong."

"So you're starting to see things my way? How we can accomplish so much more if we work together?"

"Yes... I am."

"Good."

With that final word, Rick reached up with his hunting knife from his belt, slashing Negan's throat with a lightening movement.


	49. An End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The War between the Survivors and the Saviors finally ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another dialogue credit to The Walking Dead comic creator/writer, Robert Kirkman.

Chapter Forty-Nine: An End

 

Negan stumbled and fell forward onto his knees, clutching his bloodied throat as his gore-covered Lucille clattered to the ground. Rick stumbled back a few steps, raising his hands toward the assembled Saviors.

"It's done! We have Harlan inside. He can save his life. The War is over. Surrender NOW!" He shouted. "Just let us take him to Harlan; go home. Appoint a new leader. But you'd better decide now or he dies-"

Ava screamed as Negan rose up and bum-rushed Rick. They were too close and Negan had him on the ground before she could even contemplate risking a shot. All of the other snipers came to the same conclusion and Rick lost his knife, falling back. It fell to an old-fashioned wrestling match and Ava could do nothing but cringe. Negan was twice the size of Rick.

Eventually they both got to their feet but braced to attack once again.

"Rick, move! I've got him." Ava yelled out, zoning in on Negan in her sights.

"No! Nobody shoot. I got this." Rick's voice had a savage edge. Negan chuckled as he circled around Rick, making gasping, choking sounds. "You're a maniac!" Rick insisted with an elbow to Negan's face. Negan responded by kicking Rick savagely in the jaw and Ava cried out again. If he would just move!

The Saviors were hanging back, seemingly waiting to see how it all played out. They didn't have a chance, though, as Michonne, Morgan, and Jesus led the rear attack. All the while Ava continued to scream as she watched Negan stomp and kick a fallen Rick. She was completely helpless. Her huge bullet would rip right through the both of them. She couldn't do anything but watch in horror as Negan pulled Rick's leg up and snapped it back like a small tree branch.

Rick's scream ripped the air and Ava took aim at Negan again, just as he fell forward into a pool of his own blood. Rick was writhing in pain, oblivious, and Negan was out cold. She sensed something on her side and swung her muzzle over; Dwight was shifting in her sight toward the fallen men.

"Don't come any closer!" She shouted.

"I'm on your side!" Dwight yelled up to her, but he stopped. She watched as he knelt down to retrieve Lucille.

"Stand down!" He hollered, raising the bat over his head and turning back to the Saviors. "Put down your weapons. The War is over. Negan is fallen, and if you want to survive this insanity you have to give me a chance. We don't have to be afraid of him or his rules anymore!"

The assembled fighters froze as they listened to Dwight, slowly lowering their weapons. A tense moment passed, but barrels remained pointed at the ground, blades hanging, arrows slipping from fingers... It was over.

"Go finish dismantling camp and get ready for the trip home."

Ava hurried down from the trailer, leaving the gigantic rifle... It was nearly as big as she was. She approached Rick at the same time as Harlan.

"I need help getting him inside."

"No! You save him.. You help him first." Rick seemed delirious with pain. Ava moved to help Harlan but he pushed them back. "No! Save him. I'll live."

She shook her head as he lost consciousness, moving out of the way as the big man she'd seen earlier with the dreads, along with Jesus, moved to help Harlan lift Negan's large form. She watched them go, then gazed back at the retreating Saviors... She couldn't believe it was over.

"You're okay." Daryl said the words like they were a fact of nature but still held her away from him after embracing her, checking her for injury. "C'mon... help me with him." She squatted down to help lift Rick just as Michonne arrived with Maggie and Morgan, who took her place and got Rick into the house with Daryl. Harlan strode out of a room covered in blood just as they all walked in.

"He's stabilized. Let me set that. The damage could be permanent even now."

They got Rick onto a bed as Carl came inside and Harlan hurried to set his leg with Maggie's assistance. Michonne's gaze darkened as Rick's tortured screams rang out, passing over Ava. Unfortunately he'd regained consciousness.

"I know it's harsh. I know you don't agree. But I still say we should execute him... publicly." She said.

Daryl nodded slowly and Carl rushed to agree.

"No. That's not who we are. Not anymore. We're here now... We have _real_ possibilities, but it will all turn to ash if we make the same mistakes those before us made. We're starting from scratch again, but we've been through the Dark Ages. Let's skip it this time. Let's be better. Now that we are _here,_ we have to be better."

Maggie cut Daryl off as he started to disagree.

"What you're saying, Rick... You want the man that killed Glenn to live? This is really what you want?"

"What I want, Maggie, is to be better than him. If we execute him as he would have executed us... as he executed Glenn... What are we then? I want to be better than him."

Maggie's eyes had filled with tears and she blinked them away.

"Yes. I think that's what Glenn would want." Her hand moved down to her stomach as she spoke.

"Help me up..." Rick said after Harlan finished wrapping his leg. He leaned on Morgan as he led them all out of the room and to the front door. Ava hung back, though, along with Daryl who didn't seem to want to leave her side.

They listened as Rick began to speak to the people gathered outside.

They watched as Carl fell back, taking his gun from his holster and ducking into the room Harlan had stabilized Negan in.

"I'll get Rick," Daryl said. Ava nodded and followed him toward the front door, but fell back herself.

Carl was standing over Negan's recumbent form. His handgun was twitching slightly in his hand, angled toward the ground near Negan's head.

"You're going to kill him?" She kept her voice soft.

Carl didn't look up. He expected her to be there... someone to be there.

"Don't you want me to?"

"Yes..." Even softer her voice became as she started further into the room. "And no."

Carl looked at her. His hand clenched. Ava stopped.

"It's like," she continued gently as he looked back at Negan, her hand touching her stomach. "It's like with the baby. I was... I was relieved when I thought I'd miscarried." She was crying, surprised as she touched her tears. "But then, I was relieved when I found out I hadn't. In this world, Carl, life is precious. Any life. All life. It's like your dad said... There aren't many people left."

"That's different." Carl was angry as he turned back to her. "It's a baby! Think about what he has done, Ava. The things he's done..." His furious tears shone bright and angry.

"I know what he has done. Still, he doesn't deserve to be executed. You're dad is right. We have to be better or we are just like him. Can't you see?" She was pleading with him, but stopped short when Daryl came in with Rick and Michonne.

"Give us a minute."

Ava left with the others while Rick stayed behind, giving Carl one final glance. She stopped right outside the door and Daryl leaned against the wall, pulling her to him. The sun was continuing to rise. The sounds of people confronting the aftermath of war filtered around her. Keening cries drifted around the sobs and sniffles... Grunts shuffled through the sadness, determined, lined with the sounds of dragging, dead weights. Periodically she would hear the oddly familiar wet and metallic chunk of blades bringing a second death to lost friends and family... now potential walkers. Through all of this, Rick's soft voice drifted and Daryl's firm arms held her... reassuring her.

"We _are_ going to punish him. The right way. The human way. He's going to spend the rest of his life in a cage. He'll watch us all grow and rebuild; he'll see how we flourish without him standing in our way."


	50. A Cage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava ties up some loose ends.

Chapter Fifty: A Cage

 

The trees were green again, every single shade of the spectrum taking part in the verdant display. She closed her eyes as the wind caressed her face, rustling the leaves around her in a hypnotic ebb and flow. She breathed in sunshine and then took a step forward off the branch that held her. She kept her eyes closed as her hand caught one lower down automatically, then opened them as the wind increased and she swung to the next.

She knew this path through the limbs, though; she'd memorized it, and she closed her eyes again as she catapulted to a neighboring tree and clambered through it. Although she could hear the dead groaning and whispering below her, she ignored them, whizzing above at a pace that could rival the squirrels. It wasn't long before she made the Safe Zone and swung gracefully onto the Fair Way.

It was well-traveled at the moment. The spring weather was enticing and people were antsy and stir-crazy after a long winter. She startled a group that was coming up the road and smiled softly to reassure them. They gave her a wide berth, however, ducking their heads as they continued on their way. She watched them go. They were obviously headed to The Sanctuary.

She wondered if they'd seen her, being dragged around by Negan or perhaps in the gardens. Maybe they had only heard of her... _Negan's Little Bird..._ It was still whispered behind her back sometimes. Daryl had punched a man in the face over the hushed jeer. It didn't bother her as much as it probably should.

Daryl said nothing bothered her like it should. He said he loved that about her, but more often she felt like he resented it. That was a part of the reason she was alone... more or less... She watched another group of travelers on the way to The Sanctuary. She recognized one as a guard who'd brought her meals a couple of times. He ignored her and continued along the road.

Daryl liked to walk the Fair Way. He viewed it as a kind of resistance against the Fall. He, Rick, Carol, Maggie and Ezekiel had worked hard to track and clear the route between the settlements and each community shared the patrol duties. They had never had safe travel and it was something all of the survivors were eager to experience. But the project had been long and hard, carved open piece by piece, and had just been completed during the first warm days of the waning winter a couple of months ago. Which is why it was so busy.

She nodded to a young couple who almost seemed to be on a pleasure stroll. At least they nodded to her. In spite of Daryl's pride, he'd refused her offer to walk the Fair Way today, despite the beautiful weather. He couldn't support the decision she'd come to and she didn't expect him to understand. Not yet, anyway...

"Ava!" She looked up to see Lauren waving at her down the road. It was somewhat odd seeing her clad in regular jeans and a T-shirt as opposed to the tiny dresses Negan had forced them to wear.

"Hey, girl! You look great. You were big as a boat the last time I saw you."

Ava smiled in response.

"Has it been that long?" She asked, accepting the woman's embrace. She faltered slightly, making it awkward. "How is The Kingdom treating you?" She continued.

"You know that place is like a damn breath of fresh air." She watched the woman's dark eyes flit down the road toward her destination, weary black coals.

"What are you doing going back, then?" Ava asked.

"I honestly don't know..." Lauren started, looking back at her. "I tell myself that I'm going to see Sherry. I never thought I would see her alive again, but-" She stopped and brushed a tear away, obviously annoyed with it. "I don't know. Part of me needs closure, I guess. He- The Sanctuary, it was a part of my life for a long time."

"I know what you mean." Ava felt useless for having nothing better to say. "I've decided to see him." She blurted out.

Lauren had been about to continue but she stopped short. She just stared at Ava for a moment, then said,

"You can do that?"

"Rick is making an exception for me... I don't know. I guess I need closure too."

Lauren's face softened and she nodded, then hugged her again. This time it wasn't awkward.

"I'll have to come meet that beautiful little girl." She said.

"She'd like that," Ava smiled, then waved again as Lauren continued toward The Sanctuary.

It wasn't long before she came to the crossroads. She stared at the sign for a moment. Three arrows... One pointing to the right, the others pointing left. Looking to the right along the sign where it read _Hilltop,_ Ava let out a sigh. She knew that Daryl was there. He'd brought their daughter with him so she could play with Little Glenn. Sometimes Judith grew frustrated with the nine-month-old who was absolutely obsessed with her.

She felt like she was betraying him, both of them, as she turned to the left instead, on toward Alexandria, passing the next turnoff toward The Kingdom. She clutched the Polaroid in her back pocket from time to time, subconsciously reassuring herself. Morgan waved her through the gate.

"Beautiful day." He smiled down to her.

She shielded her eyes as she gazed up to respond.

"It really is."

"I saw Daryl and Trouble through to Hilltop just a few hours ago." He said.

Ava smiled at the appropriate nickname her daughter had acquired in just nine months.

"I just went for a climb to clear my mind. I'll be joining them shortly. I've just got... something to do first." She stuttered and looked away but Morgan just continued his cool smile.

"Loose ends?"

She smiled in response, then went to find Rick. He saw her coming and broke away from Aaron. The two of them started toward the unfinished house together. She slowed her pace to match his limping gait and they walked in companionable silence as she watched the building that taunted her days and haunted her nights loom closer.

"You sure about this?" He asked, stopping on the front porch.

Ava let out a breath she'd been holding. She touched the Polaroid.

"Yes."

"You know you don't owe him anything."

"I'm not doing this for him. This- this is for me."

"Well, alright then."

Rick unlocked the front door, then used another key to open a door down the hall. There was a stairway shrouded in darkness but she could see light at the bottom of the steps. She followed Rick down.

The bars were the first thing she saw. They were stronger, somehow sturdier, than she had imagined. In her mind anything attempting to contain him was depicted as flimsy... Unreliable.

"Ricky Prick! You're here. I missed your beautiful fuckin'-"

His voice was like a shock to her system, but he stopped short as he saw her. He looked completely different, yet somehow exactly the same. He seemed smaller than before, but somehow, in his cage, he seemed too big to be contained. His hair had grown out quite a bit, filling in with more gray. His beard was fuller than he usually kept it, too, a thickened coat of salt and pepper. As those eyes struck her, her breath caught, the color was like the bistre depths of a forest pool, shadowed and crowded with dark leaves.

"Ava..."

"She wanted to see you." Rick offered into the silence that stretched. "I could stay or-"

"No," Ava shook her head at his questioning glance. "No, I'm fine."

Rick nodded and left, slowly, up the stairs.

She just looked at his surroundings for a moment. There was one stark light hanging above his cell which contained a sectioned off toilet and sink. In addition, there was a crude desk with a pile of books and some papers strewn about. She focused on him, standing there, holding the bars, looking at her.

"I can't believe you came."

She swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Neither can I."

He looked down.

"So why did you?"

She started to respond but she didn't know what to say. All of the carefully thought out words she'd assembled the night before were collapsing like wooden blocks stacked on carpet. She reached into her back pocket, pulling the picture out and thrusting it toward the bars. Negan stared at it warily.

"What is it?" He asked.

She narrowed her eyes, scoffing very slightly.

"I'm not you, Negan. I'm not handing you a snapshot of death and gore. Quite the opposite, actually."

He looked up and the pools of his gaze wavered. He reached for the Polaroid and as he took it they spilled over with tears.

"You... you didn't-" He choked on the words.

"I didn't." Ava offered. "She was born in June, so she's nine-months now. I took that this morning."

His lip quivered slightly as he stared at the photo. A finger caressed it, tentative.

"She's beautiful."

"She is."

Negan took a deep breath, glanced at her, but looked back at the picture.

"This is something I've always wanted." He breathed.

Her eyes narrowed.

"This is something you can never have. That is _my_ daughter... Daryl's daughter."

His face tensed but he nodded, then said,

"You think I don't fuckin' know that?" He growled.

"No," Ava looked around the tiny cell. "No, I don't think that."

His face relaxed slightly, then softened all the more as he looked at the photo again.

"What's her name?"

"Meryle. I wrote it on the back."

He flipped it over.

"Meryle Dixon. Your last name is Dixon?" She nodded, but she didn't bother telling him why.

"You named her after him?" His voice was dark and her gooseflesh rose.

"He had a brother named Merle, spelled similarly... It's somewhat poetic."

Negan scoffed.

"A poetic fucking knife for you to twist."

"Not everything is about you, Negan."

"So, she's not mine, that's been well-established. Was that the fucking point of this, little bird? Why are you here, to rub it in my face?"

"No." Her voice was small. "I don't really know why I'm here... but that isn't why."

He looked at her for a long while and his angry eyes shifted, shining with that old glint that could strike through her heart.

"You were so much stronger than I thought, tougher than you ever let on."

She didn't answer him and began to think about leaving.

"You were my last line of descent."

That stopped her.

"Descent into what?"

"Oh, I don't know... Hell. Madness... Chaos, cruelty. Pick one, they all fuckin' apply." He moved along the bars, inching closer to her. "When the fucking world fell, I immediately started crossing lines... Lines no one else would or could cross. Lines that, before the rotters came, separated us from the goddamn animals. The first one, though... that first line... I fucking failed that one... because it was Lucille. I couldn't kill her in that hospital room, even though I could see she wasn't Lucille anymore. I could see she was a fucking monster."

Ava looked away. She didn't want this.

"I felt so motherfucking weak for failing to cross that first line. I let someone else do it. I let someone else bash her perfect face in, because I couldn't fucking handle it. I let someone else give her peace... I let someone else-" He dropped his head and she saw him clutch the photo, just as she had. "So the next line I faced, I didn't hesitate. Not for a fucking second. I didn't give a shit if that man was my friend, when he got bit I ended his rotter ass before he could do the same to me. You know how it is out there, Ava. Every day you face another line, you make another choice you NEVER fucking thought you would make. If you want to save the fucking kids in your group, you may just have to sacrifice an old guy or a fatty who can't keep up.

"Then someone steals all of the fucking food from the group and takes off. So you have to make an example, so you cut off his finger. But it happens again. I mean, what the fuck is a damn finger worth if you're a greedy shithead? So this guy loses a hand... but the damn lines keep coming and you find out just how far you have to push your motherfuckin' humanity to keep these greedy, stupid fucks alive!"

Negan's voice rose along with Ava's tears.

"But God-fucking-dammit! I clung to that humanity! I let a kid starve because I couldn't bring myself to take from another group, a weaker group...to survive. I'll never forget that sunken little face-" He choked and turned away from her as he continued. "But dammit, I still clung. I had rules. We didn't hurt kids. We didn't perform outright physical torture. We didn't rape..." He stopped again, moving in his cell like a caged animal. Finally he came up to the bars again and she had never seen him so vulnerable-looking, not even when he'd thought she'd miscarried.

"Then there was the kid at the Hilltop." He dropped his head but seemed to be forcing himself to continue. "He was only fucking _fifteen!_ FIFTEEN! And I beat him to nothing, in front of his father, in front of his friends... In front of everyone." His jagged voice finally petered out despite its faltering determination. He stopped, taking deep breaths, before he continued. "I think that night was the real beginning of the spiral for me. I started falling fast. The Iron started to exhilarate me... And then... You." He stared at her as he clung to the bars. "You were my last line."

Ava continued to back away.

"You chose fight. I chose flight." Her voice was just above a whisper.

"It seems you chose the better fucking path."

She couldn't handle it. She had not intended to feel pity for him. She stumbled as she turned and clambered up the steps, clumsy in the darkness and lost within Negan's ambiguity.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up a lot longer than I anticipated, more than likely because we are so close to the end! Just one more chapter to go and that is all she wrote, quite literally. I am planning a sequel but I have to wrestle it into existence so give me a couple of months. I will post here when it is ready :)
> 
> Ava's daughter's name is pronounced: MARE-ILL, (Like Meryl Streep, or Daryl with an M)


	51. An Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava has settled into life with her small family, but this is the world of The Walking Dead and their ephemeral peace shatters with whispers in the darkness.

Chapter Fifty-One: An Epilogue

 

The darkness shifted over her with a cruel chuckle, a faint whistle, and a whisper fading to nothing. Then the dead would groan and her fear would intensify a hundred fold.

_"Come on, sugar... Where are you?"_

She tried to run from Gorman but her legs wouldn't work... her knees were crumbling and the smell of iodine, like too fresh water, swam in her nose, choking her... drowning her.

 _"Fly, little bird... Fly!"_ Negan's voice prompted her to flap her wings... but she didn't have wings and her arms were flailing, useless under the water.

 _"You're here... Right here, Ava."_ Daryl's voice was too far and there was a press of dark bodies blocking him from her, blotting out his light. At first she thought they knocked into her accidentally but their pushing grew violent. She was shoved against the wall, hands held her still as she cried out. She was knocked to the floor and ground into the mud as she fought and screamed for Daryl but he stood away from her, and all the while she was drowning. Soon the weight pressing in on her intensified to the point she was sure that she would suffocate... Then she woke up.

A cold sweat drenched her and she gulped for breath as she disentangled from the sheets, careful not to bother the sleeping figure beside her. She went into the bathroom, washing her face in an attempt to dilute her nightmares. She hurried away from the mirror and left the bedroom, moving across the landing to peak into the nursery, though she knew it was empty. Daryl had found a Dr. Seuss theme at a baby store that was nearly untouched. The bright colors and broad stripes were always too eager in the morning but the decor matched the nursery's inhabitant... bold, fearless, vibrant... whimsical but slightly mischievous. Ava smiled as she breathed in the sweet smell of diapers, lotions, and soft skin. Then she turned and went down the stairs as her heart began to ache for the room's missing occupant.

Even though she knew that Meryle was perfectly safe and more than likely being spoiled rotten. She missed her. She couldn't help it. Her absence was like a splinter in her chest. Ava chose to ignore the sliver of pain, though, as she made coffee. They were lucky to have it. They'd raided a big box store and found loads of it. But she still parceled it out. She only made a pot on the mornings of patrols or runs and reserved tea for most other occasions. Ava could dry, preserve and make tea out of just about anything but they couldn't grow coffee. Today, though... Today definitely called for coffee.

She breathed in the aroma as it began to seep around the kitchen, then hurried up the stairs before the scent trickled up to wake sleeping nostrils. She was happy to see his form still prone and snoring when she made it back up to the bedroom. She slipped her T-shirt and shorts off, then climbed under the covers at the bottom of the bed. She slowly moved up along his legs, tracing her fingers lightly along his thighs. Gooseflesh rose in response to their handiwork and she smiled as her fingertips trailed over the material of his boxers. She increased the pressure of her massage along his member, still flaccid with sleep, allowing her lips to ghost along its hardening shape.

Her hands moved up to pull the waistband down and she shivered as her upright nipples slid along his bare thighs before brushing against the material as she pulled it down his legs. She moved up to press soft kisses along the hardened lower plane of his belly, pushing her breasts harder against him. His half-cocked penis swelled between them until he was fully erect and Ava moaned softly at the feel of him as she pressed her breasts closer on either side and felt him thrust automatically.

Another smile as she continued her kisses, going down as she took his length in hand and continued her massage. A groan sounded above her and she looped her smile over the tip of his cock and swirled her tongue.

"Shit, Ava."

Her smile grew more, then disappeared as she devoured him wholly, swallowing against the hardness in her throat. She turned her head, slow, allowing her muscles to adjust to his size as she started a deep suction. Her tongue stroked along his full length as she took her time savoring him. She continued to turn her head back and forth as she built up the suction, slow but constant. His hands jerked in her curls as he thrust even deeper and groaned, then she worked him harder, but still slow, until he was gagging her with spurting streams. She licked him clean, then carefully replaced his boxers.

She climbed up along his side and shivered again as he pulled her naked skin against him, grumbling happily as he kissed the side of her hair.

"Mmmm... You smell like coffee. You got all the best parts of wakin' up covered."

She laughed softly as she hugged him tighter.

"Don't go."

"Okay."

He kissed her hair again. They both laughed, then Daryl continued to kiss her, lower, a shivering caress against her ear. He chuckled again, the sound like joy reverberating throughout her soul. His lips dropped down even more to rumble along her neck and collarbone. Ava sighed as he took a nipple into his mouth, feeling his hand slide down her belly so his fingers could fondle her. Sighs erupted into moans as his touch deepened along with his suckling lips.

She felt his fingertips reaching within her as he released her nipple and trailed his mouth along the same path as his hands. They worked together against her clit, within her slick folds, lips and fingertips, tongue and thumb, all at once turning her into a writhing, desperate mess. She grasped at his hair and pulled him up as his chuckle rose once again. He allowed her to direct him, removing his boxers for the second time.

Ava watched him as he hovered over her, his cotton blue eyes softening and filling with all of the emotions she felt but could never express. She cupped his face with her hands just as he lowered his lips to hers, simultaneously pressing his re-hardened cock inside of her. Her whispered moans sang against his lips as he filled her and their tongues entwined, then released as he pulled away.

They continued soft, steady strokes, building up slowly, relishing in every inch of each other until the wave crashed over them, striking against their jagged breath and sweaty bodies. Ava pressed her forehead against his, breathed him in, and kissed him again.

"Don't go."

"Okay."

They didn't laugh now, and there was a sadness in his face that she knew was mirrored in her own. They finally pulled away from each other and moved to get dressed. Ava watched his muscled back and sighed deeply.

"Please, Daryl?" She watched him tense but he didn't turn to look at her.

"I got to... You should too."

She made a noise of disapproval and turned away, proceeding downstairs to make some hashbrowns and eggs. Daryl joined her shortly, smiling very slightly as she put his coffee mug in front of him.

"I'll just be a day or so. I'll be back tonight, most like." He said watching her closely as she put his breakfast down. "Just come."

Her gaze grew hard automatically, and she breathed as her heart rate picked up, trying to soften it.

"Do I have to? You don't think they'll believe it?"

"No, that ain't it. It would make it easier, but-" He stopped as he watched her, then sighed as he began to eat. "Just forget it. I know you don't want to."

Ava frowned but didn't argue. He was right, after all. She let him eat in peace. He kissed her before grabbing his pack and bow by the front door. She closed her eyes as she heard his bike start in the driveway, then pull away. She hated herself. She should have gone but she was a fucking coward. She moved to clean up as her mind screamed at her.

She absolutely hated Council Meetings; Dwight and Sherry were always there along with members from all of the other settlements. She still wasn't used to so many people being connected and the social anxiety she had always experienced had intensified since giving birth. Her struggle with postpartum depression had affected her in ways that years of traumatic experiences hadn't, rattling and ripping at her nerves and emotions, making her feel like a different person... A weaker person. It was like everything she had been able to keep at bay for so long was an unavoidable, constant assault. Shaking her head, she pushed away from the sink, frustrated, and went into the living room.

She had never been comfortable around people. Never. Not even before the Fall. She just didn't know how to handle large groups. She could stand Alexandria now but it had taken a very long time. For Meryle's sake she had made an effort, even attempting to attend the first Fair. That had proved absolutely disastrous, however.

Morgan had proposed the idea of a gathering between the settlements where they could trade and mingle and so the idea of an annual Fair had been born. Trading parties often traversed the Fair Way but the survivors thought it would be nice to have an actual marketplace. Even before the Fall Ava had only been to a market about a dozen or so times so even she had been excited, but now, thinking back on the first Fair only made her cringe and she was considering skipping the next. She just didn't get people.

Ava still preferred the trees. She gazed up at them out her window, looming over the wall. They called to her, but she turned her back on them. Carol had insisted on taking Meryle, who she affectionately called "Little Trouble", this week. The two of them absolutely adored one another and Carol was her longest friend, now. So when she said she was taking her, Ava hadn't argued. She'd smiled and heartily agreed. She and Daryl could use some time alone. They had been fighting somewhat since her visit with Negan six months previous, and she knew that, although he understood, he couldn't help becoming annoyed with her aversion to people sometimes. He'd always say how he'd used to think he was the antisocial one, until he'd met her of course.

With both of them gone, she wanted to do nothing more than climb but she had promised she wouldn't... Not until they knew what the whispers were about. That had been another argument but she had succumbed to his logic, especially when Carol backed him up. She wouldn't say their relationship was strained; she'd never felt more comfortable around a human being as she did around Daryl. Not even Meryle put her at ease like he did. He was calm and patient with her anxiety in a way that made her feel like it wasn't a problem. They both struggled with the demons of their past, however, and the present was beginning to awaken shivers of terror that she wasn't ready to face.

Ava had been sure that the whispers were just a trick of the mind at first. It had been while she was climbing, the first time she heard them, and she'd assumed it was the wind in the leaves. Not whispers from the dead, but whispers on the wind. It had all melded as white noise in her ears and she had paid it little mind. That was before Marco had started telling stories, though... Stories about walkers whispering to him.

Ava had made a point to listen in on herds after that. For a while she convinced herself she had been hearing things, both she and Marco. There were no whispers, only groans and grumbling and horrid growls. Then, one day, she heard them... _whispers..._ It had taken a long time to decipher words, and only after clambering down to the lower branches had she heard them, only making out a few words.

" _Watching..." "Trees..." "Alone..." "Attack."_

A feeling of terror, twisted and aberrant, had crawled along her skin as she watched the mass of walkers _move_ suddenly, as if being herded. As the horror struck her she watched one close below her twist and plant its feet with purpose, moving in ways she had _never_ seen a walker move.

_"Trees...!" "ATTACK!"_

The whispers had intensified, but Ava had decided not to wait and see what happened. She'd fled high and fast into the trees and back to Alexandria where she'd immediately told Daryl and Rick. That's why they had wanted her at the meeting; why Daryl refused to miss it, and why they were both slightly annoyed with her aversion to groups of people. They didn't blame her, though. Daryl never held her past against her, no matter how difficult it made their present.

Ava turned back to the trees framed by her window, wishing she could find a way to swallow her anxiety. She wanted to help, especially now that a patrol was missing. She knew that Paul was eager to go out and search. She closed her eyes as she remembered the whispers. Then she sighed, forced the chill that crept over her away, and left out the front door after grabbing her pack. Her determined steps took her to the Fair Way, then on toward the sound of Daryl's bike, long dead on the wind. The meeting would be well underway when she got there, but at least she would be there. Perhaps she would find a way to swallow the thickening fear in her throat before she got there. They were people... _Her people..._ They were all in this together.

She had to help.

 

 

**The End**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it. It has been a long and amazing journey with all of you. I can't even express how much I owe you guys, because this fic wouldn't be complete without you. Everyone who took the time to leave a kudos or mark a page, because I do know it IS long, and especially to those who left me comments and encouragement... THANK YOU! YOU made Little Bird possible. YOU kept me going when I wasn't feeling motivated or passionate. I hope that you will all follow me along to the next path in this journey. I have a sequel in the works and hope to start posting in a month or so. I will post the first chapter here when I'm ready. I love you guys.
> 
> I'd also like to thank all of the creators, writers, artists and producers who have developed this wonderful fandom, both for comic lovers and T.V. A special shout out to our boys Norman and Jeffrey, the Most Bromantic Bros of All. Their absolute unfettered talent and sexiness inspired me and made this story bloom like a seed in my mind. Jeffrey Dean Morgan IS Negan (I mean, not really, he's a sweetie who loves donkeys but you know what I'm saying) and his true rendition of this dark, hilarious and truly ambiguous character has left a mark on my morality, and my sexuality, that will last forever. Norman Reedus is so absolutely endearing and raw, and his characterization is so real, so evolved, so human that the world has made it known. If Daryl dies WE RIOT!
> 
> Looking forward to October, but hoping a sequel will keep me busy until then.
> 
> I have reposted this story with final edits and cool GIFs on Tumblr. Follow me @neganslittlebird.
> 
> I LOVE YOU GUYS! THANK YOU AND STAY TUNED!


	52. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava makes her way to the Hilltop for a tense Council meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter of the sequel to Little Bird, entitled Little Whispers. I will be creating a new story post and share the link here:
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/12407469/chapters/28232631

Chapter One: The Meeting

 

The sun was just beginning to edge along the world's seam, bringing the constant din of the cicada symphony to a muted tone. It still hummed, but it quieted enough to allow a chorus of frogs and buzzing crickets to join the serenade. Ava kept her pace and made it to the Hilltop before night fell.

"Oi! That you, Ava?"

Shielding her eyes from the setting sun, Ava glanced up at the guard post.

"Eduardo! Hey, I'm late."

"Seems about right." He laughed as he opened the gate and Ava started toward the Big House. She greeted a few people along the way but she was happy she didn't have time to stop and chat.

As soon as she opened the front door she was bombarded by the sound of a heated argument.

"We can't do nothin'! We have to send out more patrols." Gregory's grainy voice filtered through to the foyer.

Ava moved carefully along a group of people in the doorway of the main room. It was standing room only. Her chest constricted but she forced herself to breathe.

"We ain't doin' nothin'! I've got Paul and Darius goin' out tomorrow." Maggie was obviously annoyed.

"Two people? An entire damn patrol goes missing and you're sending out two people? How much ground are they going to be able to cover?"

"I am not risking anymore patrols." Maggie spoke through gritted teeth. "We have no idea what we are dealin' with. Jesus will scout and we'll go from there."

"Gregory is right! It ain't enough. That's my daddy out there."

Other voices rose to argue as well and Ava watched a smug grin crawl over Gregory's face.

"Look," Maggie spoke softly as the voices died down and they quieted even more to hear her. "I realize this is scarin' a lot of people and we are going to get to the bottom of this. But I am not sending anyone else's daddy out there until I know what the Hell is goin' on, okay? We will gather intel and go from there. It has already been approved by the Council. Now, I call for a motion to end this meeting."

"I second." Ezekiel said.

"Here, fuckin' here." Her eyes instantly found Daryl at the sound of his voice. He was standing along the wall and she watched him move toward Michonne, Rick, and Maggie as the crowd began to press around her in their effort to get out.

Ava moved to the side, feeling rather useless. There had really been no point in coming here. She might as well have stayed home. She watched Carl duck out the door with Enid. They were a couple of the first ones out. A small frown pulled involuntarily.

"Ava, you made it." She turned suddenly and her lips shifted into a smile as Jesus moved smoothly to her side, directing her easily through the crowd and out the door. She glanced at Daryl again, but he seemed busy with Council politics. Seeing Dwight move toward Rick made her want to exit even faster.

"So, you're leaving tomorrow?" She asked, turning to Jesus on the porch as the crowd continued to disperse.

"Yeah, Darius and I are going to take a couple of horses out... Gregory does have a point. There is a lot of ground between the area you and Marco heard the whispers and the place the patrol disappeared."

"You're sure the two are connected?" She asked.

"I didn't think they were until I heard about what you claimed these voices were saying. It sounds like a threat to me. Still... I'm hoping we can cover a lot of ground." He stopped short, shielding his eyes from the rays of sun that were throwing the last of their glory across the sky.

Ava turned in the direction he was looking. There was a group of teenagers standing over near the trailers, apparently arguing. She couldn't make out their words, despite the fact that they were heavy on the coming night. She watched three bigger boys hassling a smaller one. She recognized him and started toward the boys with a hurried, "excuse me."

Before she took three steps, however, she saw Carl and Enid approach the boys. Without hesitation, Enid strode into the group and landed a solid punch on the biggest boy's nose. A laugh burst forth from Ava, uncontrolled, and the boys glanced around looking mortified. The small boy, Brian, had been in the dirt but Carl helped him to his feet as Enid stared the trio of bullies down. She didn't have to say a word as they cowered away, muttering.

"Are you okay?" She heard Carl ask Brian. She kept her distance, wanting to see how the young people would handle the situation.

Brian adjusted his glasses and nodded. He was a slight boy; he loved science and reading. The first time he'd met Ava he'd been horribly shy, stuttering to the point she could barely understand him. He warmed up to her, though, and he was eager to talk about books. Both Ava and Meryle had taken an immediate liking to him.

"Those guys have fuckin' walker guts for brains. Ignore them." Enid said.

Brian sniffled, looking at the ground.

"Hey, you want to come check out my carvings? The Fair is in a few days so I got 'em all set up." Ava felt her stomach clench as she watched Carl lead Brian away.

She knew that he was getting ready to leave Alexandria so he could stay at Hilltop instead. As she watched him walk away with Enid and Brian she realized she should have seen it coming ages ago. He'd been coming onto that girl since they'd first arrived at Alexandria. Still, despite a few teasing flirtations, Enid seemed uninterested. She focused on training with Rosita and being Maggie's assistant, which must take up a lot of her time. Obviously Carl thought coming to Hilltop would give him more of a chance. He was also most likely seeking some independence. He was seventeen now...

Ava jumped slightly as a pair of hands moved on her waist, but their familiarity calmed her.

"You came." Daryl's voice breathed in her ear as she felt him press against her.

"I figured better late than never." She said.

"You figured right."

"Ava, you made it! I really could have used you earlier." 

She turned in Daryl's arms toward Rick's voice and they fell away. Smiling apologetically, she replied.

"Sorry, Rick."

"Hold on. Stay there." He looked at her pointedly, then limped away.

"The Sanctuary don't believe it." Daryl said, watching Rick move in the thinning crowd. Ava just sighed and shrugged in response.

Before long Rick made his way back toward her and she could see Dwight and Sherry trailing behind him. Her stomach looped.

"You can ask her yourself now." Rick was saying as he got closer.

"Ava, how are you?" Sherry smiled stiffly and hugged her. It was hardly an embrace, cursory really.

"I'm fine, thanks. You?" Sherry continued to smile in response and Dwight nodded to her.

"Dwight." She pulled her coat closer around herself. His eyes shifted downward.

"We just wanted to hear from the source... I mean, you're sure you heard them?" He asked.

"The whispers? Yeah. I told Rick that." She glanced over at her bearded leader.

"And I told them." Rick said coolly, keeping his eyes on the Sanctuary couple.

"It's just... Well, Lord knows you've been though a lot, Ava. Maybe you were hearing things." Sherry's voice was sweet as honey but Ava's chest flamed with anger nonetheless. She centered her gaze on Sherry's husband as she replied.

"I'd say I've been through about just as much as anyone else." She kept her voice even and shifted her back gaze to Sherry. "I know what I heard."

Sherry looked away, although she seemed to try to hold Ava's piercing gaze for a moment.

"Well, alright than. I guess we'll see what the sentries find. We're sending a team out as well." Sherry turned to Dwight, who was staring at Ava with hot eyes. "C'mon, babe. Let's get everyone loaded up so we can make it home before it's too fucking dark." Dwight nodded and they exchanged cool good-byes.

Rick, Daryl, and Ava watched them go with narrowed glares.

"What the Hell was that about?" Ava asked in a low voice.

"I don't know. I've heard there has been trouble in paradise." Rick said.

"Sherry's a fuckin' bitch." Daryl growled.

Ava quirked an eyebrow at him.

"You shoulda got here earlier." Rick said.


End file.
